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It’s always been her for me.
“Good.” I pause, trying to figure out what else to say.
“This isn’t your problem, Holden,” Sydney says. “It’s mine.”
I nod, although I’m silently disagreeing. We both know that isn’t true.
We’re the only reliable family each other has. It would be different if our dad was still alive. If our mom had stuck around. If she and Harrison were in a relationship.
But if Sydney decides to have this baby, she’ll need me.
And I’m not just stressing about that.
Her pregnancy added a new, complicated layer to the decision of whether or not I tell her about our mom’s illness.
I rest the basketball I’m holding on my hip. “When are you going to tell him?”
She looks up at the row of shiny banners hanging from the ceiling. “I don’t know.”
I shake my head. “Fucking Baker.”
Shock and guilt dulled a lot of my anger yesterday.
It’s back this morning in full force. I’m trying to tamp it down because I know it won’t help the situation and won’t changeanything. But it’s still there, festering. Even if he hadn’t gotten herpregnant, I can’t believe he touched her.
He should have taken her out on a date first, at the fucking least.
Mentioned his interest to me.
That he didn’t do either of those things tells me she didn’t mean anything to him, and that makes me furious.
And hedidknock her up. I can’t direct any of my anger about the situation toward Sydney without making her feel worse than she already does. But Baker? As far as I’m concerned, he fucked up my sister’s whole life. Put her in this impossible position.
“Harrison didn’t do anything wrong, Holden,” Sydney tells me.
I lift an incredulous brow. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“I’m positive he didn’t mean to knock me up.”
“So he’s incapable of putting on a condom?”
Sydney’s cheeks flush dark pink. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”
That makes two of us.
“Not that it’sanyof your business, but we used one.”
“You’remy business, Sydney. This…it affects you, so it affects me. You should have told me sooner.”
“I was…” She exhales. “I was scared. I needed some time to process the possibility before I knew for sure. Cassia was the one who risked public embarrassment and bought the test for me.”
I run my palm across the ball, recalling the terrible seconds yesterday when I thought the test was hers.
“Grace Harper is running her mouth around town about you, by the way. She cornered me at the coffee shop, asking questions that made me think stuff happened this summer that neither of you told me about. If it’s none of my business, it’s definitely none of hers. And if you fuck up things with Cassia, I’ll never forgive you.”
I swallow. I guess Grace has a short memory. Our conversation on the camping trip clearly didn’t stick. Fortunately for Grace, I have bigger problems right now.
“I’d never forgive myself,” I tell her.
