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“I swear. I can explain—”
She steps away. “Unless you want this to be the last time you touch me,let go of me. And unless you want this to be our last conversation,stop talking.”
“I just want to make sure that you know—”
She steps closer, so I can hear the anger in her voice perfectly over the loud music playing. “What I know is that you weren’t in Pembrooke last weekend. You lied about that.Nothing happened? How do I know you’re not lying about that too?”
“Because Iwouldn’t, Cassia! You know me, better than anyone. After everything we’ve been through, you really think I cheated on you?”
“I don’t know what to think, Holden! She said you were in her bed. And you didn’t deny it.”
I swallow, because I can’t. Not then, not now. “But I didn’t touch her. I—”
“You were drunk, right?”
I hear the implication loud and clear. She has every right to be pissed at me. But some anger sneaks into my voice too.
“Yeah, I was wasted. But there’s not enough alcohol in the world to make me fuck someone else.”
She shakes her head. “You’ve told me so many lies I don’t know what the truth is anymore.”
Cassia yanks her arm away and stalks down the hallway into the kitchen. I don’t chase her this time. I lean back against the wall, sucking in deep breaths. The window next to me is open, but I feel like all the oxygen around me is burning away.
“Holden? What the hell is going on?” Finn appears next to me, his usual grin replaced by concern.
My jaw tightens like a taut rope. I force it to relax so I can say, “I fucked up. Again.”
I want to drink until I feel numb.
I want to punch something until all I can feel is the pain.
But I don’t move. Don’t do either of those things, because I’m trying to grow the fuck up.
And if I lose her, I’m not sure there’s enough alcohol or agony in the world for me to ever feel okay.
I last about five minutes before I go looking for Cassia. Even if she can’t talk to me—won’t look at me—I need to be near her. I search the backyard and the living room before ending up in the kitchen.
It’s most crowded in here since it’s where the drinks are located. I find a spot by the fridge and scan around, looking for a dark head of hair.
“Can you pass me the vodka?” someone asks.
I glance over, register it’s Bailey beside me, then reach over and push the glass bottle on the counter even farther away.
“Guess not.” She rolls her eyes.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I snap. “I told you I have a girlfriend!”
Bailey shrugs. “She deserved to know.”
“Knowwhat? You said nothing happened.”
She taps her chin with a pink fingernail. “Did I say that? I don’t know. I was pretty drunk too.”
I shake my head. “Even if I was the kind of asshole who cheated on his girlfriend, I know nothing happened. You’re not my type.”
She smirks. “What? You’re not into blondes?”
“I’m not into girls who stir up drama because they’re bored and lonely.”
