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“We were nottwerking.”
I grin, then sip some coffee. “Whatever. I told you how Mark got stung by a bee at the court and then we went to the emergency room because he’s allergic.”
Cassia nods. “Yeah, I remember.”
“What I didn’t tell you was that I ran into my mom when I was at the hospital.”
She inhales sharply as soon as she hears the m-word.
“And that I found out that she’s sick, dying. She has liver cancer and needs a transplant.”
Cassia bites her bottom lip, her eyes filling with sympathy.
“I didn’t know what to do. How to process it. Who to tell.” I sigh. “I did some research. Online mostly. Then I called the hospital and talked to her doctor.”
“You got tested to see if you could donate.”
I nod, not surprised she knows all the information I spent hours researching about living donors. Flattered she thinks highly enough of me to jump to that conclusion.
“Yeah. I’m still waiting to get the results. After getting tested, I was in a bad place. If I’m not a match, my mom will probably die. If I am, I’ll miss most of my senior season before I’m cleared to play. Finn called, talking about some party. I drank way too much and then when I woke up—”
She interrupts me. “It’s okay, Holden.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. No matter what else was going on, it’s no excuse for me being that stupid. I got drunk because I was trying to forget. Because I don’t want to help her and if I do, it seemed like I should damage my liver as much as possible first.”
Cassia snorts, pressing her lips together to keep the smile at bay. “That’s terrible logic.” Her expression turns sympathetic. “I get it, though. Why you felt that way.”
“I got wasted, and at some point I went upstairs to find a place to pass out. When I woke up, she was there. Nothing that happened had anything to do with her. I’m not interested in her or attracted to her. I never flirted with her or touched her or wanted to. Going to that party was a mistake. So was drinking as much as I did. But that’s all I’m asking for forgiveness for. I picked a shitty spot, but all I did was sleep. I swear. And I was going to tell you. It wasn’t supposed to be a secret. I went over to your apartment the next day to tell you, and then Sydney was there. Sydney waspregnant.”
Cassia sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, nodding. Realizing.
“I do stupid stuff sometimes, Cassia. You already knew that, and I wish you didn’t. I’m trying to stop. To be smarter. ButnothingI’ve ever done has been to purposefully hurt you. It wasalwaysmy messed-up way of protecting you. Not telling you about my mom made sense when you’d just found out about your parents and were dealing with that. And then everything with Sydney… It spiraled from there, and I’m so sorry about that. But I wouldnevercheat on you. That’s one thing I promise you never need to worry about.”
“I believe you.”
I exhale, the fist finally loosening. “You do?”
“I do. But I wish you’d told me about your mom. No matter what I have going on…we’re supposed to be partners. A team. I want to know that stuff, for you to share it with me. Do you wish I hadn’t told you about my parents? Just kept it to myself?”
“Of course not.”
“That’s the same way I feel. We don’t have to talk about it. But justtellme.”
“I will. I promise.”
She nods. “Okay.” Then sighs. “The longer I sit here, the later I’m going to have to stay in the library tonight.”
“Let’s go then.” I round the side of the picnic table, offering her my hand to stand from the bench.
We start walking in the direction of the library. First holding hands, swinging them between us like we’re little kids. We did this as younger versions of ourselves, before I tried to talk myself out of falling for her.
I tug her into my side, securely tucked under my arm.
I press a kiss to her hair, then whisper, “Don’t hate me, okay?”
Cassia tilts her head back so I can see her expression. I’m not expecting the amusement. I was walking on eggshells even bringing up what she said last night.
“You know,” she tells me. “No matter how hard I try to, it just never seems to stick.”
