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I know Holden finds that feeling at the old court.
But this is pretty nice too.
I feel more myself than I have in a while, which is ironic considering skipping is a very uncharacteristic thing for me to do.
It probably has something to do with Holden.
He speaks first, once we’re far enough from the dock I can’t make out anything distinct on the shoreline. “So…remember that conversation we had about telling each other things?”
“Yeah, I do.” My eyes remain on the water. The surface is sparkling in the sunshine, the view only interrupted by the strands of hair blowing across my face in the breeze. “It’s stupid.”
“I doubt that.”
I say nothing.
“We don’t have to talk about it, Cassia. Just tell me.”
My eyes find his. “You were actually listening, huh?”
“It happens occasionally.”
I scoff, but I’m smiling. “Regan texted me, asking if I knew about the divorce. I saw it right before class, and that’s why I skipped. Going didn’t feel…important. I feel guilty for being gone. And I’m…angry at my parents, which isn’t fair. I get ending a marriage isn’t something you plan on. But when I talked to my mom, she didn’t want to talk about it. I have no clue when my dad is going to move out, when they’re going to tell my siblings. I haven’t talked to my dad at all. It’s all so uncertain.”
“They’re probably trying to figure things out for themselves.”
“Yeah, I know. But they’re upending our lives. The least they could do is figure out how to tell us.”
“You didn’t tell anyone about us over the summer,” he says.
“I was pretty sure we’d figure it out.”
“Pretty sure, huh?”
“You…weren’t?” I ask.
“I… No, I wasn’t.”
I might regret asking, now that it feels like we’re finally past it all, but I do anyway. “Why not?”
He drops my gaze, looks out at the water instead. “Because part of me has been waiting for you to change your mind about us ever since I handed you that notebook and you showed up at my game.” His gaze returns to my face. “You like safe bets, Cas. I’m not one.”
“You’ve never been abetfor me, Holden. Our odds were never great. I thought you regretted kissing me for years, so I never thought there was even a chance we’d be here. You’ve always been the one part of my life that I have no control over.”
“Will you still love me if I follow you wherever you go to vet school and do who knows what?”
“Yes.”
He smiles.
“When are you supposed to get the test results?” I ask softly.
The only reason he’d follow me was if he didn’t have his own dreams to chase anymore.
“Any day now.”
“If you donate…if you can’t play this season, is there still a chance you’d get drafted?”
Holden looks out at the water. “I don’t know. It’s a unique situation and I haven’t said anything to Coach Jackson yet.” He glances at me, his expression wry. “Pro basketball likes safe bets too.”
