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“Why not? You were going to—”
“Those are risks I was willing to take myself. Not anything I would let you chance.”
“She’s your mom.”
“I don’t care.”
“I could at least get tested and then—”
I start walking, needing the fresh air outside.
She follows me. “You can’t just walk away, Holden. At least let’s talk—”
I whirl on her. “There’s nothing to discuss.”
Her chin sets stubbornly. “I disagree.”
“I don’t care. It’s my mom. My situation to figure out. I have to be able to tell you things and trust that you’ll respect my decisions!”
“How is me offering to get tested not respecting your decision? You chose to get tested. I could do the same. What ifI’m a match? What if I could save her and I didn’t? Could you live with that?”
“Yes,” I tell her bluntly. “Because I love you, not her. I’m not willing to risk you to help her, and if that makes me a terrible person, I don’t really care.”
Cassia inhales deeply, then glances away. “Fine. The offer stands, sothinkabout it instead of just reacting. But you’re right; it’s your mom. I would never do it behind your back, but please consider it, okay? I would do it foryou, not her.”
It feels like some cosmic error that I got this lucky. That I found someone who’s willing to make that kind of sacrifice.
And maybe I appreciate it extra, since I’ve experienced versions of love neither permanent nor guaranteed.
My throat is too thick to speak, so I pull her into my arms again. Trying to wordlessly convey what the offer means to me. And hopefully she hears it, because she relaxes into me, her body language totally opposite from the tense anger of a minute ago.
“I don’t have to think about it. But I love you for offering.”
She’s silent. Disagreeing, probably, but respecting my decision.
“Do I tell Sydney?”
Cassia exhales. “I haven’t texted Regan back about the divorce. We’re not supposed to be the adults. My parents are the ones who are supposed to tell her.”
“My mom isn’t going to tell Sydney. She wouldn’t have told me.”
“Would you want Sydney to tell you, if she had found out?” she asks.
“No. I wish I’d never found out. If that had happened…I just wouldn’t have wanted Sydney to shoulder it all by herself. I can handle it.”
She chews on her bottom lip. “She could find out one day. Go looking for answers. Do you want her to find out you had some?”
“She’spregnant, Cassia. She can’t get tested. Can’t donate. What’s the point?”
“She could say goodbye,” Cassia says softly.
I sigh.
Realizing…I have to tell her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CASSIA
