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“Subpar, right?” he whispers.
I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling too. I move off him, grabbing my underwear and tights to get redressed. Holden tosses the condom and fixes his shorts. Tugging them down was as undressed as he got.
As far from subpar as the sex was, I wish I’d been able to explore his body more.
We’re both silent as we walk back into the gym, but it’s a comfortable one. The kind when you’re around someone whoalready knows everything important. I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate when it comes to me and Holden, but that’s how it feels.
“Give me a sec,” he says as I pick up my abandoned backpack. “I’ll walk out with you.”
I nod, watching as he retrieves the balls on the court and returns them to the rack. He grabs his backpack and gym bag off the bleachers and then returns to my side.
“Sydney asked me to come over tonight,” I tell him. “There’s a movie she wants to watch, and your dad is going out with some friends before he…”
“Before he leaves again.” The words are flat.
“Yeah.”
Holden sighs. “I hate how he still skips out. I know it’s his job—know he’s providing for us the only way he knows how. But it feels like abandonment too, you know? Like not sticking around the one place you’re needed.”
I don’t respond right away. I’m floored, not only by what he’s saying, but that he’s saying it at all. Opening up to me, without me even asking.
“Have you ever said anything to him?”
“No. We’re basically adults—I am one, legally. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It can still matter, Holden.”
“I told him not to change anything next year. Chances are good I’ll be here regardless.”
“Why are they good?”
He glances over. “My grades are shit. Basketball is a wild card. I could get injured next game and never play again.”
“You beat Covington last week by twenty points. Chances aregoodyou’ll have options.”
He glances over, his serious expression turning into a smirk. “Twenty points, huh?”
I shrug. “I checked the school site.”
“You do that often?”
“After every one of your games for the past three years.” It’s terrifying and relieving to admit. To give him a glimpse into the ways I’ve held onto him. How far from over him I really am.
His expression softens as we approach my car. It’s one of the few left in the lot, aside from his truck.
“I won’t be home tonight. I promised Finn I’d come over. He’s having a party.”
“Oh.”
“It’ll probably run past Syd’s bedtime if you want to come.”
“You’re inviting me to Finn’s party?”
He nods, sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth. “If you want to come.”
“What would I tell Sydney?”
Holden shoves his hands into his pockets. “You could tell her the truth.”
