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I’ve become a master at masking my emotions, hence the cocky smile I’m sporting even though I feel hollow inside. The pathetic truth is that my job is all I have going for me.
It’s all I have left.
I started working at Ace Financial, the largest financial institution in the state of Texas, when I was twenty-three. I started out as a lender and after ten years with the company, I recently received a promotion to loan officer. My job is the only achievement in my thirty-three years of life that I’m actually proud of. Hell, it’s basically my only achievement. My career is my identity…The only thing keeping me going.
I’ve lost everything else.
Maybe that’s why I’ve resorted to binge drinking after work. Because I simply have nothing else to look forward to. Work is my life, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
My clients keep me busy, shutting out the buzzing thoughts infiltrating my brain. When I’m not in the office, the silence is too loud to bear. Whiskey seems to be the only thing other than work that quiets my deafening thoughts.
You’re pathetic. You deserve every ounce of loneliness you feel. No one will ever love you. You have no one.
I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head as I try to push away the nagging voice that lives in my head.
“You need a woman in your life,” Adam adds out of nowhere, distracting me from my thoughts.
“What?” My head snaps up in shock to meet his stare.
“I don’t know, man,” he exhales while running a hand through his dark hair. “Maybe putting yourself out there could be good for you. It’s not like you have to find your future wife or anything…Just go out and have fun,” he shrugs.
“I mean, you live in Dallas for Christ's sake,” he adds. “There’s definitelynota shortage of beautiful women in this city.”
Who does this guy think he is?He’s my bartender, not my damn matchmaker. I narrow my eyes at him and scoff.
“Yeah,” I mock. “That’snotfucking happening.”
“Why not?” he asks, pinching his brows together in thought.
Because I’m not capable of loving someone. Because I’m not worthy of love.
When I don’t respond, he inhales a sharp breath as his eyes go wide. He takes a step back from the counter as if he’s offended me or some shit.
“I…I’m sorry, man,” he stutters. “I shouldn't have assumed.”
He’s not making sense. Is he the drunk one or am I?
“Assumed what?” I ask. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I thought,” he nervously clears his throat. “I guess I didn't realize that women don’t do it for you.”
My brows shoot up as I fold my arms against the bar, leaning in to make sure I hear him correctly.
“Wait,” I say under my breath. “You think I’m gay?”
“I…I don’t know, man,” he shrugs. “You acted repulsed by the idea of going out with a woman. Besides, it wouldn't matter to me either way.”
I rub my palm against my forehead before running my fingers through my messy hair.
“I’m not gay, Adam,” I exhale while leaning back against the creaky chair. “I’ll be the first person to point out a good-looking guy, but dick doesn't do it for me.”
He chuckles, shaking his head at my response.
“Well, that’s a blunt way to put it,” he scoffs while stacking empty glasses. “So, why are you so against going out with someone?”
I wouldn't usually be so honest, but the alcohol flowing through my veins overrides my pride.Fuck it.
“I’m not a relationship guy,” I murmur. “I thought I was until my ex-fiancée became my brother’s fiancée.”
