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“Like the cardigan you gave back to the shop?” Beau wonders idly. I go red-faced, recalling needing to get myself a pashmina for a work event, which I returned after wearing it, much to my mother’s dismay.
“Erm. . .yes, sort of. Mummy doesn’t always do that, it was just once.” I grimace. “Here we are!” I sing-song, changing the subject. We head down a small track which veers off to an old gate, which looks worn and is hanging in a way that suggests it will fall off soon. I hope the stables are better-looking than this. A dusty car park opens up and beyond that are well kept stables. Shame about the entryway. I park up and Beau is unclipping herself and pushing free of the car as a huge horse clops by with a rider on.
“That is a giant!” Beau exclaims, looking worried. She scrambles up, and I hold her tight, keeping my laugh at bay.
The rider, a middle-aged woman, waves at Beau. “A gentle giant.” She winks and plods off towards a field.
“Don't worry, they will have little ponies for you and Grace,” I tell her, walking towards what looks like an office; it's more of a stockroom. Inside, a woman is cleaning her tack and lifts her head at our arrival. “Hello, sorry to just turn up like this.”
“That’s okay, dear. How can I help?” She walks towards us with her jodhpurs and boots on. Beau looks like she has met her first Olympic rider. The woman gives me a once-over, her gaze narrowing. Does she recognise me? I’m not sure I recall her.
“Do you offer riding lessons? This one is horse mad.” I smile.
“And Grace!” Beau chimes in.
“Her friend also.”
“Yes, there are different classes. Has she ridden before?” the lady asks.
“Oh no.” I laugh, squeezing Beau reassuringly.
“So, a beginner then. My granddaughter has been riding since she was three,” she tells me, leaving the storeroom.
“Wow, an early starter. Both girls are beginners. I wanted to see which days you have available as we’ve just moved back and I start work on Monday,” I tell her as we make our way into the main stable yard. Groomers and assistants are all busy cleaning,feeding and grooming the horses. Beau tugs my arm and points their way.
“How old are they? Five, six?” she asks.
“Five.” Beau holds up her hand.
“Wednesdays at four,” she informs me, then removes her glove. “Sorry, I'm Amanda Jessops, the owner.” I take her hand. Jessop? That name is familiar, but I’m not sure I know this woman, but by the guarded expression on her face, she knows who I am. I don’t let it deter me and keep my smile in place.
“Holly, this is Beau.” I smile down at my girl. Amanda nods politely at me, and I wonder if she is on Team Cam. Everyone else seems to be.
“Well, Beau, do you want to come see the riding school?” We follow Amanda, and Beau is happy to get down and walk, taking it all in. She is bopping around, waving at anyone who acknowledges her. Amanda gives us a full tour, showing us the indoor riding school, fields and paddock. The place is great, and Beau is happy. I collect forms and leave with an overexcited child.
When we arrive home, Beau races inside, yelling about making Grace a riding school card. She will be entertained for ages doing that, so I pull out Dan’s card and give him a ring.
“Daniel Ocean,” he answers on the third ring. I get a weird cramping sensation in my stomach. This is my life now, buddying up with people who had little care for me. I twist and look at Beau. This isn't about me but her.
“Hi, it’s Holly, the riding school has availability on Wednesdays at four. There are some forms to fill in, but I can take the girls,” I say in a strained rush of air. Conversing with him, Cameron and anyone else from that group still brings out a level of insecurity I didn’t know I had left. I thought I had banished it all. I clear my throat, determined to sound far surer of myself in the next sentence.
“Okay, great, thanks. That’s Cam’s day, so I just need to square it with him first.”
“Sure.” I clear my throat and look at the forms. “I can drop the form to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind dropping it off, I’ll text you my address.”
“Okay, great.”
“Holly, erm. . .thanks for this.” He clears his throat, and I'm glad I'm not the only one finding this whole situation surreal. “I mean, afte?—”
“Of course.” I hang up before he can finish his sentence and begin preparing dinner. Beau is scribbling away at the table, so I have ample time to think. Cam’s words from earlier are still vivid in my mind. I don't want to dwell on it, but I'm shocked that he had the audacity to be angry with me when I was hurt by his actions years ago. I'm annoyed at myself for allowing this to govern my life, and with Cam’s snarky attitude, it’s about time I let it go. I no longer want to be dictated by my fears and pain, but be stronger because of them. Yes, I think determined. I will be stronger because of this, Beau too. We eat, and I spend the evening with Beau, making Grace a card for riding school.
“That's your phone,” Beau says, colouring in another card.
“Oh. I didn't even hear it.” I laugh and get up from the lounge floor. “Hi, Emily, everything okay?” I say, answering her call.
“Hi, I just wondered if tomorrow is a good time to collect the contract, or if I can get it tonight, whatever is easiest?”
