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She searches my face for a moment, then nods, appeased. Her eyes slip closed once more as she succumbs to her exhaustion. I settle back in my chair, keeping vigil as she sleeps.
***
Night passes. I wake up before she does the next morning. Sensing she’s still in deep sleep, I rush out to shower and head downstairs to prepare her a quick breakfast. The cook offers, but I want to do this myself.
I think back to all those secret nights at hotels across the world. She used to love fried eggs and pancakes with breakfast, with Greek yogurt and berries. I make her the same and carry it to her, along with a steaming cup of coffee.
When I enter, she’s awake, struggling to sit up. I rush to her side, set down the tray, and help her up.
She sits, and I place the tray in front of her. She looks at it, and then at me. To my shock, she puts it aside.
“I don’t want it,” she mutters.
“But, Caterina. You must eat.”
“Not this,” she says, angrily. “Anything else. Not this.”
“This used to be your favorite,” I mutter.
“Since when do you care?” she asks, unshed tears rising to the surface. I can see that the memories of our morning in bed have brought up pain deeper than I anticipated.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the words I must say.
“Caterina, I…I am sorry. For everything.” My voice is low and heavy with regret. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you, didn’t ache to hold you again.”
I reach out, tentatively taking her hand in mine. Her skin is so soft, so delicate. I’ve missed her touch more than I can express.
“I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. You see, I needed to go follow my dreams, and for that, I no longer had the Bratva’s support. With your father as our enemy, if I had told you, if you had run with me, I couldn’t have kept you safe. Your father would never have come to our rescue, and neither would my family. I never forgot you, Caterina. I see now how wrong I was. You endured pain that I cannot fathom because of my actions.” I swallow hard, emotion constricting my throat. “No apologies could ever be enough, but I offer them now, freely and sincerely. Please…forgive me, if you can.”
Her emerald eyes flash as she jerks her hand from mine. “You left me alone, Mikhail! Do you have any idea what I suffered?” Her voice rises, anger and hurt swirling together. “I thought we were meant to be together forever. I waited for you, cried for you.” She’s nearly shouting now, fists clenched at her sides. “You disappeared without a trace, without a thought for me!”
I weather her words, knowing I deserve every one. She has held this pain far too long. I meet her eyes steadily, letting her anger wash over me. It’s a small price to pay for the agony I caused her.
I reach out slowly, brushing away the tears streaming down her cheeks. She flinches at my touch but does not pull away.
“You’re right,” I say softly. “I left you to face it all alone. I was a coward.”
My thumb gently traces the curve of her jaw. Her breath hitches, eyes fluttering closed.
“But I swear on my life, I always planned to get stronger and return.” My voice is a ragged whisper. “Had I been wiser, stronger, nothing could have kept me from your side.”
There are other words that remain unspoken. Had I known she’d soon find herself pregnant with another man’s child, I would have realized my own foolishness. But what right do I have to make her feel guilt for simply looking out for herself when I did the same? She had a right to find her own way to heal—even if in another man’s bed—the same way I had a right to be free.
Now is not the time to ask about the child, to point fingers at her own mistakes when I am the one who orchestrated the whole thing.
I tilt her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears, lips trembling.
“Please believe me, Caterina. I never meant to hurt you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
She searches my face, perhaps judging the truth of my words. I lay myself bare before her, hiding nothing.
Finally she nods, a tiny motion but one that loosens the vise around my heart. She picks up the tray and begins to eat, giving me hope.
“I’m here now, Bunny. I won’t leave you again, I promise.”
She looks up at me, eyes still glistening. “How can I trust you?” Her voice wavers. “You left once before.”
“You shouldn’t trust me, until you do,” I whisper.
