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“Then test out your affectionate side with me. I’m safe. You don’t have to worry about me demanding more than you’re willing to give. This is just about you learning what you like.”
“What if I’m no good at being affectionate?” I ask.
Eros smiles. “You have already touched me more than you’re probably aware of. When you are caught in the moment, you’ve held my hand, patted my chest to soothe me, and responded to my embraces by wrapping your arms around me.”
With a bit of shock, I realize I have done those things.
Why have I touched him so much?
I nod and find my gumption to play with a love god. Slowly, I go through the touches he showed me. I skim my fingertips over his corded forearms, following the progression he explained. I place my hand on his shoulder and then his lower back. Allowing my knee to bump into his, I settle my palm on his thigh.
“How was that?” I ask, biting my lip.
“Perfect,” he says, sounding a bit breathy, probably to boost my confidence.
I grin and pull my hand away.
“Next lesson—how to fall in love in under five minutes,” he announces.
I laugh. “In five minutes?”
“It’s true, sort of. It’s the beginnings of love that I’m talking about,” Eros explains. “You and Carl are beyond most of this with your intimate knowledge of each other, but I need to teach you what I know… for your job.”
“Okay, crash course in love,” I joke.
“First, we must keep eye contact during the entire five minutes. Second, we tell each other a couple of secrets about ourselves, something we don’t usually confess or share with anyone. Then, we try to find something we have in common. After that, we give each other a compliment. Then, we touch.”
“Well, we’ve already done all that.” I wave him off. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you? There can’t be some formula.”
Eros shakes his head. “There is. It’s all about really connecting with someone.” He points to my eyes and then to his. “Come on, eyes up here, stop wandering,” he orders. “I’ll go first with my secret. I’m a love god who has never been in true, bonded love with someone. Before I fade into the nothingness, I had hoped I’d experience it firsthand and not only through someone else.”
My eyes tear up. That has to be one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. “I can’t imagine what that would be like… to give somany the gift of finding love but not have it yourself.” Then I choke on my next thought. “That’s going to happen to me, isn’t it?”
Eros cups my cheek. “Not if I have anything to do about it, sweetheart,” he says with conviction. “Would you like to tell me a secret?”
“Yeah, okay.” I think about what I could share all while I stare into Eros’s golden eyes. “I’m an atheist.”
Eros gives me a wry look. “You don’t believe that I exist?”
“Well, I didn’t. You’re kind of ruining my philosophy. I thought all the myth stuff was just that, stories for humanity to deal with their life and mortality.”
“You were half right, but we also exist.” He reaches out and squeezes my hand. “But that’s not really a deep secret, is it?”
“I guess not.” I purse my lips and try to think of something worth sharing. “I was nineteen when I lost my virginity to my professor.”
Eros’s jaw is tight, but I know why he’s irritated. He can sense my unease. “Was it consensual?”
“Yes and no. He pushed the issue.” I shrug. “I did it because I loved him, but apparently, he didn’t love me back. As soon as he pressured me into doing… stuff, he dumped me. This is why I think you’re crazy for wanting me as a matchmaker. I don’t seem to know what I’m doing with my heart. When I finally opened myself up again, I got together with my second boyfriend who hurt me. He had pursued me for a couple of months, promising me the world. Not long after weconsummatedour relationship, he cheated on me with a friend of mine.”
Eros’s hand tightens over mine, supporting me through this ugly confession.
“Then I met Carl. We had an increasingly flirty friendship going for a couple of years during college. Carl mentioned he was worried that he would lose me now that we were out ofschool. We had a stupid, drunken kiss on graduation night.” I roll my eyes, feeling pathetic. “I was so afraid that I had to get drunk to feel comfortable enough to kiss him. We fell asleep in each other’s arms. The next day, Carl called to tell me he was offered the position at United Merchants and had to focus on his new job, and he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Hell, it was probably because I suck at hooking up.”
“You don’t know that’s true. Remember, people have their own stuff you might not know about.”
“I suppose, but even in high school, I had similar stuff happen. I had guys who would get me to like them, then they ghosted me.” I suck in a breath so I won’t cry. “So it’s hard for me to relax and enjoy the moment because I feel like I’m part of a universal catch and release program. They hook my heart, tear me up from the inside, and throw me away.”
Eros pulls me into an embrace. “I’m so sorry about all that happened to you. I see why it’s hard for you to put yourself out there, to trust someone will love you back, but you deserve love, especially since you still love with your whole heart after all that.”
