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Will I be a good father? I’ve been preparing, but I don’t feel ready yet. I know I’m going to love our child but what if he doesn’t love me?
Ridiculous. Babies love everyone, don’t they?
I look over at Damien, then back away before he can roll his eyes at me. He thinks I’m crazy to be this stressed out, but I think he just doesn’t realize how important it is to me that I’m becoming a father. I’ve never done this before. I can kill a man without remorse, but holding my own baby, such a delicate little thing, without dropping him? I don’t know. I took classes, but I still don’t know.
I feel like I’m about to vomit. Jesus, is there a trashcan nearby? Would it be weird if I excused myself to the bathroom for the fifth time this hour? Would the nurse come out to tell me the baby has been born, only to miss me because I’m hiding next to a toilet?
I swallow the bile back down as it tries to come up. I can handle this. I’m a man. I’m strong.
I look over at Damien again. He’s flipping through a golf magazine. That motherfucker doesn’t even play golf. He’s bored. How can you be bored when Kimberly’s about to give birth?
I look up at the clock. It’s only been thirty seconds since I last checked.
Not even a minute.
I waited twenty-five years to make love to Kimberly, but I can’t wait a few hours for her to have our baby. What’s wrong with me?
A nurse comes out into the waiting room, but she’s not the same one that went in with Kimberly. Sometimes they switch, right? Could be Kimberly’s nurse. This might be it!
But she calls someone else’s name, some other anxious man with graying hair and bags under his eyes. He must already have a few kids to look like that.
I laugh a little to myself, knowing my fate will be similar. Will Kimberly still love me when I’m old and gray? I feel like I’m already getting there. The years have been good to me, but fifty is quickly approaching and my knees are starting to make noises.
I asked Damien about it the other day, and he assured me his had been making noises since he was twenty-five. I guess I was spoiled in prison, then. Maybe I’ll last long because of that.
I have to live as long as I can with how much younger Kimberly is than me. It’s not that I wasn’t healthy when we first met, but I would do better. Now, I’m trying to make sure I’m getting everything I need, including good sex and enough sleep.
How else am I going to be able to take care of her and the baby, otherwise? It’s my duty to be the best husband and father that I can be.
“Oh, there she is,” Damien says from beside me. His words hit me like a bolt of lightning, and I jump out of my seat before I even realize who he’s talking about.
The nurse that wheeled Kimberly into the hospital is standing with her hands clasped together, smiling at me. I step toward her, my mouth dry and my throat struggling to make a sound.
She speaks for me, saving me from making a fool out of myself. “Your son, Isaak, was born ten minutes ago. Your wife is with him now, and she’d like you to come see them.”
I look back at Damien, who gives me an encouraging nod. I’m not sure why I need permission from him, but I feel like my feet are glued to the floor until I’m specifically told to walk.
The nurse turns and leaves the waiting room, and I have to hurry down the hallway to catch up with her.
“So, everything is fine? They’re both healthy?”
“Your wife is exhausted, but Isaak is making the most of his first few minutes on this earth,” she replies.
I’m confused by her explanation until I enter the hospital room where Kimberly gave birth and hear Isaak hollering at the top of his lungs. Even as Kimberly holds him, he’s crying as loud as he can.
“Is he… okay?” I ask, stepping toward them as Kimberly attempts to soothe our son.
“He’ll be fine. Some babies are a little more expressive than others,” the nurse assures me.
Expressive is one way to put it.
I smile through the noise, approaching Kimberly and placing my hand on her forehead. The moment I do this, Isaak stops crying. His eyes grow wide and he looks right up at me.
I feel tears in my eyes, but I hold them back. “Hey buddy, how’s it going?”
He squirms against Kimberly, and I smile. “You’ll get used to all this. I promise it’s not that bad.”
“I think he likes you more than he likes me,” she teases.
