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“Well, that was very … non-Ryder-like.”
No, but it’s very old-Ryder-like. I keep that thought to myself, because I have something more important to tell her.
I turn my head and look at her. “I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to judge me.”
She tilts her head to the side to look at me. “You messed around with Ryder, didn’t you?”
When I shake my head, she begins to relax until I add, “But I did mess around with someone.”
Her lips part in shock “What? When?”
“While I was out trying on my dress. My mom was being a freak and made me try on lingerie.”
“God, she’s such a control freak.”
“I know, right?”
“But … wait …” She sits up straighter. “Who the hell would you mess around with in a dress shop? Unless like the clerk was a totally hot guy … Oh my God, please tell me you fooled around in the dressing room. That’s on my to-do list.”
“I did,” I reply, purposefully omitting the detail about how it was Blaise that I messed around with.
“Holy shit.” She playfully smacks my arm. “Girl, I’m so proud of you.”
I internally sigh, knowing I need to confess the truth.
“I wouldn’t get too excited yet,” I mumble, “because it wasn’t with the clerk.”
A frown forms on her lips. “Who was it with, then?”
I hesitantly mumble, “Blaise.”
Her eyes snap wide. “What? You … Huh …? What? How?”
I shrug. “He was there with us, and my mom was being weird and made him come into the dressing room with me so he could”—I roll my eyes—“approve of my lingerie.”
“God, she’s such a creep.” She pulls a disgusted face. “She’s basically trying to be your pimp.”
“She basically kind of is.” I pause for a beat. “But Jess, what happened between Blaise and me … I basically instigated it. He was right there, and he was pretty and sweet, just like he used to be … and then we kissed, and …”
“And what?” she hedges. “How far did you go?”
I give a half-shrug while staring at the floor. “Not all the way, but we did more than kiss.” When I look up at her again, she’s gaping at me. “Don’t look at me like that. I chose to do it.”
“But I thought you wanted to mess around with other guys before you sealed yourself to Blaise, Ryder, and Reece? I thought that was the whole point of the party the other night?”
“It was, but I missed my chance, so I took the only opportunity I had.”
“That sounds sad, like you did the only thing you could.”
“But it’s not. I didn’t have to do it, but I did … And part of me kind of wanted to …” I bite down on my lip as memories of what happened flood my mind. “And I really liked doing it.”
“So, you’re saying it was good?” she asks, and I nod. She absorbs this then smiles. “Then I’ll try to be happy for you.” She faces forward, and we fall silent for a while.
But then she breaks the silence.
“You know, I get that this whole fate ceremony sucks, but”—a mischievous smile creeps across her lips—“if Blaise is that good, maybe you can get a few benefits out of it.”
“Maybe.” The truth is I worry if I do that, then I’ll get caught up in that lifestyle.
