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“Another,” I said to Kyle. He glanced in Steve’s direction and shook his head.
“Don’t let him get to you, Ash. You deserve better than him anyway,” he coaxed, placing a gentle hand on top of mine.
“He’s right, Ashton. Don’t give him power over your emotions. That’s all he wants,” Ava chimed in.
I shook my head. “Less talking, more alcohol,” I said, tapping the shot glass against the counter. Kyle sighed and poured another shot, shaking his head when I downed it. Memories of our breakup flooded my mind in an instant and their “good news” echoed in my mind. Warmth slowly took over my body with each shot I took until the room started to spin. I wanted to forget everything: the breakup, my problems, my failures. The whiskey wrapped me in its comfort, making it easy to breathe again. When I slammed the glass down once more, Kyle shook his head.
“I can’t, Ashton,” he murmured, his eyes sympathetic. I waved my hand and tapped the glass on the counter.
“Just keep them coming,” I muttered, swaying a little. His sad eyes never wavered as he shook his head.
“After what happened last time…Mickey specifically told me to limit you,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
I stood on shaky legs. “Whatever. I’m going to go dance,” I hiccupped, teetering toward the dance floor. I pushed deep into the crowd, losing myself in the music and the swarming bodies around me. As long as I was drunk, I didn’t feel any pain or disappointment. My problems evaporated as I drowned my sorrows in whiskey, replacing my sadness with a comforting heat. The room spun around me despite me standing in one place, swaying my hips to the music. A couple of guys danced around me and all I could think about was Steve and Clarissa.
My eyes drifted up just in time to see Steve, Clarissa, Todd, and Carter walking up the stairs to leave the bar. I pushed the guys away from me and made my way back to the bar. It was a bad idea to come here. It was bad enough that I was flooded with memories of what happened a couple of months ago, but to see Steve in the flesh confirming that his life was so much better without me hurt even more. I wasn’t prepared for it. It was hard enough seeing him in court this morning, but seeing him tonight was like purposely ripping a Band-Aid off of a large wound that hadn’t had a chance to heal. Now my heart bled all over again as if the situation had just happened.
“Where are you going?” Ava asked when I grabbed my clutch from her.
“Home,” I stated, stumbling toward the stairs to leave. Ava and Alex were quick on my heels, urging me not to drive.
“Ash, you’re fucking wasted! It’s not safe for you to be on those dark back roads,” Alex protested.
“I’m fine. I’ll drive slow,” I said, bounding up the stairs as fast as my stilettos would allow and rushing out of the door. The summer heat smacked me in the face as soon as I stepped outside, sending a wave of nausea through me. I regretted having all of that whiskey in my belly now. Wandering through cars in the parking lot, I finally found mine and slipped inside. Ava and Alex called my name in the distance, but I had to leave. I couldn’t be here anymore.
Resting my head on the headrest, I screamed and hit my steering wheel until my hands throbbed with pain. I hated him for what he’d done. I hated myself for not knowing how something was wrong with our relationship before it got to the point of him cheating on me. I hated life for being so cruel and having this happen to me. Most of all, I hated my heart because despite everything, I still loved him.
Fucking Steve.
Wiping my eyes, I started the engine with the push of a button and eased my Nissan Altima out of the parking space. I glanced in my rearview mirror to see Ava and Alex standing in the middle of the parking lot looking around, still trying to find me. A part of me felt guilty. I knew they only wanted to help, but I needed to get away. I knew better than to expose myself to Steve. As I drove down the dark backstreets, so many thoughts ran through my mind. Why wasn’t I enough? What did I do wrong? Was I not adventurous enough? Was I no longer attractive to him?
After a few minutes of torment, I brought the Bluetooth on my dashboard to life. “Call Steve,” I stated with a sniffle. The dash repeated my command and dialed the number. The endless ringing flowing through the speakers tormented me. Would he answer when he saw my number? What would happen if he did? Would he even want to talk to me?
I didn’t have to worry about the latter question because his voicemail soon filled the space around me. “Hey, you’ve reached Steve. I can’t take your call right now, so leave your name, number, and a message and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” The sound of his voice nearly caused me to fall apart. His voice always brought me comfort, but now it was just a painful reminder of what I didn’t have. A beep went off, signaling that I could record my message.
“Steve…it’s Ashton. I don’t know if you remember, but today makes three months since you broke my heart. Do you even remember that?” My chest constricted as the memories flooded in, making it hard to breathe. My buzz turned into a blurry fog, preparing to be combined with anger and pain. “I gave you everything and you left me with nothing!” I screamed before sobbing. “What did I ever do to deserve this? When did you stop loving me? How could you do this to me? You’re a piece of shit asshole who did nothing but feed me empty promises!” I screamed, slamming my fist down on my steering wheel.
As I wailed onto his answering machine, I didn’t notice my speedometer needle moving higher and higher.
Fifty.
Fifty-five.
Sixty.
Seventy.
“I fucking loved you and this is how you—SHIT!” I exclaimed as something flew onto the hood of my car, sending me swerving off the road. After a failed attempt to regain control of the wheel, I landed in a shallow ditch, hitting my head against the steering wheel seconds before the airbag deployed.
“Fuck,” I winced, holding my head. A warm liquid rolled down my forehead and dripped off my eyelashes. My head throbbed, everything still spinning around me as acid rose up my throat. I opened the car door and leaned out, throwing up in the grass. It was hard to believe that this was my life. Here I was on the side of the road being a drunk, hot ass mess while my ex was just living it up unaffected. Taking a few deep breaths, I slowly sat upright in my seat and ended the Bluetooth call, gasping at the sight of my windshield, which was cracked and covered in blood. Oh God.
The blood from my face drained as I thought of every worst-case scenario. Some people walked along this road at night…what if I hit a pedestrian? I rolled my window down and looked both ways down the road, but was met with nothing but darkness. Trembling, I eased my way out of the car with my phone and walked back to the street where a body laid motionless. Rustling sounded in the trees across the street and a pair of eyes glowed in the distance. I held my phone in my shaking hands, activating my flashlight app and shining it in the direction of the eyes just in time to see a deer run off. I looked down at the body and was filled with slight relief. I’d hit a deer, not a person. At least that eliminates the possibility for manslaughter.
Smoke came from the hood of my car. There was no way I could drive my car home in this condition.
“Fuck!” I screamed into the darkness. Even through my drunken state, I knew I’d fucked up big time. Where in the actual hell was I going to find the money to fix this?
I opened the keypad on my phone screen and paused. I couldn’t call the cops; I’d be asking to be arrested for driving while drunk. Dialing the first person that came to mind, I waited as the phone rang.
