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And he would. Deep in her heart she knew that much. If she insisted on going to a hotel right now, he'd take her. She knew Austin wasn't like all those men her mother had hooked up with after her father had taken off, leaving them with a heavy mortgage, not unlike the debt Sam had left behind. The men her mother had married hadn’t been horribly abusive or anything, her mother hadn't been that far gone. But moving in with one guy after another had been difficult.
Ten years ago, she'd thought Sam had been so different. Settled. Dependable. As it had turned out, he'd been much more like her father than she realized. Which only made her that much more determined not to be like her mother.
“I don't know,” she hedged, wishing she had another option. The memory of the Tolliver’s fire was still front and center in her mind. As much as she wanted to be independent, she wasn't willing to put her son's safety at risk, either. If Austin said the wiring wasn't up to code, she believed him. “I’m worried about how this may affect Josh. I don't want him to think we're—uh...” she trailed off, embarrassed. “I think it’s fair to say he’ll look at you as a surrogate father. I don't want him to feel lost all over again when we have to move back home,” she amended.
“You need to understand, I'm not about to drop out of Josh's life no matter where you decide to live.” His keen green gaze held hers. “I'd like to stay involved if you'll let me. Think of me as Josh’s big brother.”
His offer was illogical. Tempting. Could she do this? Could she live with Austin while keeping her attraction a secret?
This wasn't about her, but about Josh. No question she would suffer through anything for her son's sake.
Praying she wasn't taking the easy way out, she slowly nodded. “Alright, I'll agree to a trial period to see how things go. But it would be nice if we could get the repairs done on my house as quickly as possible.”
“Sure thing.” Relief flooded his features and he grinned. “Thanks. You won't regret this, I promise.” His brilliantly white grin did funny things to her stomach. She managed a weak smile in return, hoping he was right.
But deep down she suspected there would be some point in the not-so-distant future that she’d look back on this moment with regret.
While Austin and Josh went to see Dr. Sandberg, she busied herself with making dinner. She didn't go crazy trying to impress Austin, since she was no expert in the kitchen, but threw together a simple spaghetti meal.
Still, she felt a warm glow when Austin sniffed the air with obvious appreciation when they returned. “Wow. Something smells amazing.”
“It's no big deal.” She downplayed the domesticity of the moment, although she keenly felt the intimacy shimmering between them. “Like you said at breakfast yesterday, I had to make dinner for Josh, anyway. I simply made enough to share.”
“Thank you.” His simple acceptance helped make her feel less self-conscious. This living together stuff was going to take some getting used to.
The three of them sat down at the table, and she was surprised when Austin said, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to say grace.”
Really? That wasn’t something Sam had ever done. “Of course.” She hid her flushed cheeks by bowing her head.
“Dear Lord, we thank You for this food we are about to eat. We also ask that You continue to guide us on Your chosen path. Amen.”
“Amen,” she murmured. Was being here with Austin part of God’s chosen path? She wasn’t sure.
“Do you always pray,” Josh asked.
“When I remember,” Austin said with a smile.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. She glanced at him, expectantly, and he nodded, realizing she wanted him to broach the subject of their living arrangements.
“Josh, we need to discuss a few things,” Austin said. “It looks like you and your mom will have to stay here for a while. Your house sustained a fair amount of water damage after your neighbor’s fire. Your mom agreed that it would be best if you both stayed here until the repairs are complete.”
“Really?” Josh's bright blue eyes, so much like Sam's, flashed with hope. “That is so cool!”
“It's a temporary arrangement,” she warned. “A couple of weeks at the most.”
“I know,” Josh said with a grin. She suspected a couple of weeks seemed like forever to a nine-year-old. “I can't wait to tell Tony.”
Since Tony lived just a few blocks away, she understood Josh's enthusiasm. His response reassured her that she'd made the right decision. Maybe these few weeks wouldn't be so bad. Anything to help turn Josh around from the stranger he'd been to the boy she'd once known.
“Lindsey, I was thinking it would be good for Josh to learn Tai Kwon Do.”
“What?” She froze, her fork halfway to her mouth as she swung her gaze back to Austin. “Are you crazy? Why would you suggest something like that?” She was seriously annoyed. Why on earth had he brought this up in front of Josh? Had Austin done it on purpose, so that she could be the bad guy when she had to say no?
Once again, Austin was interfering in the way she raised her son.
“Tai Kwon Do is all about self-discipline which is a trait that can be applied to many things, like homework.” Austin finished his spaghetti and then surprised her by standing and clearing away the dirty dishes. “The whole focus of martial arts is all about teaching self-control.”
Oh sure. She was supposed to believe that? And her obvious skepticism, he continued, “Seriously, I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think it would help. I ran the idea past Dr. Sandberg and she thought it would be good for Josh, too. And you don't have to worry about the cost—consider this an early birthday present from me to Josh.”
