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“It won't be for a few weeks yet, but I can't wait.” Josh wrinkled his nose. “White belts are for sissies.”
“Hey, don't talk like that,” Austin chided. “Remember what your sensei told you? There will always be someone worse than you and someone better than you. This is a test of your own strength and endurance, no one else's. You are only competing against yourself.”
“Yeah, I know.” Josh shrugged. “But I still want to be a yellow belt.”
It was amazing to see her son so excited about his classes and hoped this activity would channel his energy into something constructive rather than destructive, like skipping school. The one nice thing about Josh’s classes was that they were right after school, so with Austin's help driving him on his days off she'd been able to sign up for a couple extra shifts on the days Josh had class.
She had a feeling she’d need every dime she could earn in order to pay for the repairs.
After Austin cleaned up the dinner dishes, he brought an envelope filled with papers to the kitchen table. He pulled them out and spread them out for her to see. “Here are the quotes I've received and obviously I've accepted the most reasonable ones. The electricians are rewiring the house first, and then I'll arrange for the drywall repairs.”
Steeling herself for the worse, she still let out a horrified gasp when she saw the amount of both the wiring and the drywall repairs. “That much?”
Austin nodded. “I'm afraid so. But I'm pretty sure your homeowner’s insurance will cover it.”
She blinked, hoping she'd imagined those extra zeros on the end of the number, but knew she hadn't. How in the world would she manage to pay that amount?
There was only one answer and that was to take out a home equity loan. Buying the small house outright meant she only had to pay the property taxes each month. It wouldn’t be easy to juggle those loan payments in addition to everything else, but she didn't see many options.
Thanks to Sam, her credit rating was horrible. She had made certain every one of his debts had been paid off in full, by selling the house and using most of his life insurance policy. She had put the rest into the small one-bedroom bungalow. But there was still the one outstanding credit card bill that she was only making monthly payments on.
She stared at the amount, feeling foolish. Why hadn't she realized how much this would cost? She stared at her hands, her heart heavy. She wouldn't ask Austin for a loan, she would just have to make sure the home equity loan wouldn't be so high that she wouldn't be able to make the payments.
“Lindsey?” He reached out and took her hand. It was the first time he touched her since that moment of moonlight madness they shared in the kitchen. A kiss that had haunted her ever since. “What is it? What's wrong?”
She had to tell him. As much as she wanted to crawl under a rock and hide, she'd learned the hard way that ignoring her problems would not make them go away.
“I don't have homeowner’s insurance.” She couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze. “But don't worry, I'll head over to the bank first thing in the morning to apply for a home equity loan.”
“You don't have homeowner’s insurance?” He repeated in shock. “You did receive Sam's life insurance payout after he died, didn't you?”
“Yes.” She was embarrassed to tell him just how badly Sam had gotten them into debt. Especially as she'd been so clueless. Why hadn't she insisted on being involved in paying their bills? Sam used to get so upset when she'd tried to help, that she'd simply backed off.
And she'd almost done the same thing again with the repairs on her house, leaving everything to Austin. When would she learn from her mistakes? She cleared her throat. “You must have figured out things have been difficult for us financially. But it doesn't matter.” She forced herself to look him in the eye. “It's my house, Austin. I will pay for the repairs. Thank you for arranging the contractors for me.” She tugged her hand from his and stood.
“Lindsey, wait—” he began.
Shaking her head, she walked out, leaving him alone, not wanting to see the flash of pity in his eyes.
Austin couldn't believe things had gotten so desperate for Lindsey and Josh. What in the world had Sam done? She said she'd got the life insurance payout but still had been forced to sell her house. And hadn’t paid for homeowner’s insurance, either.
Thank heavens he'd managed to convince her to move in with him for a while. At least he could help cover the cost of groceries. And using the Tai Kwon Do classes as a birthday present for Josh had been pure genius. He hadn't minded paying for the sessions, along with the V-neck dobak Josh wore with pride.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. During the day he managed to keep busy enough to stay out of Lindsey’s way. He'd wanted her for a long time, but first she'd belonged to Sam and now she was still grieving Sam's death. No matter how hard he tried to talk himself out of wanting her, his hormones had other ideas. He couldn't forget their kiss, the burning memory lingering.
He'd crossed the line—had allowed his stupid desire to ruin their friendship. And he really missed their easy camaraderie. He'd berated himself over and over again for losing control, for allowing physical desire to override his common sense.
Yet, no matter what, he couldn't forget that she hadn't been the one to break off the embrace. He had. What would have happened if he hadn't have stopped? He hadn't imagined the way she’d responded to his embrace, kissing him back.
Unless she’d pretended that he'd been Sam? Refusing to delve into that grim possibility, he headed for bed, knowing he had to work in the morning.
He and Lindsey only saw each other briefly the following morning, as she had to work and so did he. He couldn’t get the conversation from the night before out of his mind, as he headed to the fire station.
“Hey, Monroe. How are you?” Jack Nelson, one of his fellow paramedics, greeted him when he walked in. “Did you have a good couple days off?”
“Yeah, did you?” Jack would have been surprised to know his time had been spent centered around nine-year-old kid, but he didn't bother to elaborate. A lot of the guys, especially the married ones with families, assumed he lived the wild, single guy lifestyle. And if he were honest, he’d earned that reputation. But that was in the past. The sad truth was that he hadn't been out with a woman in months.
Since Sam's death.
