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I pressed back into the dubious hiding spot offered by the trellis, not wanting to spy, but definitely not wanting to interrupt and risk their rage and my embarrassment.
It was true, then. I hadn't imagined the tension between them. Or the things I thought I had dreamed the night of the wild moon. I watched as Fife's lean body slowly softened, leaning into Adder as the anger drained from his lithe body. The silver-haired fae softened his hold on the smaller man, hands going to his waist as he gentled the kiss.
They were beautiful together, and heat bloomed through my body at the alluring sight of them, dappled in the warm light of the setting sun and surrounded by a backdrop of verdant green.
But at the same time, my heart ached with a different sort of emotion. As they pulled apart, sharing short, sweet kisses and whispered words, they didn't touch like two men who had only recently stumbled upon this attraction. They moved like lovers who had known each other forever. Like two men in love, rather than in lust.
And I had bound them to me.
The men had all been in favor of exploring a relationship with me after the night we spent together in the Untamed Wood. So, it didn't make any sense that Fife and Adder might be angry about being bound to me, and yet…maybe they had never intended to be tied to me this way. Maybe they had been going along with the others, indulging in some fun. Maybe they never expected it to last. Then again, they had entered the tournament knowing they would be bound to a strange female. But…what if they had never really been fans of that option?
What if they had only agreed to enter the tournament to keep Mirri safe from his parents? Out of a sense of obligation. And maybe the moment Bach suggested they withdraw from the tournament, Adder and Fife had jumped at the chance to be free again. Maybe they had wanted to be free of the tournament, and the queen had wrongly forced them to stay just because I showed interest in Raven team? That certainly would account for the bitterness they felt toward me. My mind whirled with conjecture after conflicting conjecture as I replayed and second guessed every interaction I'd ever had with the two infatuated males before me.
Jerking myself out of my frozen state, I forced myself to turn and slip away as silently as possible before they turned down the path and noticed me standing there gawking. I couldn't face them right now. Not when my anger and defensiveness would make me lash out. And besides, I told myself firmly as I made my way up to my rooms, it really wasn't any of my business. The men had made it clear at our bonding that this was a business agreement, nothing more. They had never voiced any intent to honor the romantic aspect of the bonding. They had never promised to give up any other entanglements and focus all their attention on me. And I had never asked it of them.
They were doing nothing wrong. Not really. It was only my wounded pride and my desire to be accepted that was making my hands shake and tears gather in my eyes. It was nonsensical. But I couldn't help it. I had, for a brief time, thought that maybe we were making strides toward some sort of understanding. I had let myself hope that maybe someday we would repair our relationship to the point where romance might actually be an option.
No matter how mad I was at the males I was bonded to, I couldn't deny my attraction to them. Even now, my imagination wanted to fill my head with lovely visions of me stepping between Fife and Adder. Of being greeted not with coldness, but with heat. Of the way it might feel to have them both touching me at the same time, sharing whatever lay between them. Of what it might feel to feel included. To belong.
Groaning in despair over my wild mood swings, I dragged myself off for a long, hot bath. I pushed the jealousy down. But I couldn't quite manage to erase the memory of the two beautiful males wrapped up in each other. And if I used that vision to find my own pleasure, well, who could blame me?
Chapter 10
The ballroom at Northbower was nowhere near as grand as the one at the palace, but I thought it was just as beautiful—maybe more beautiful, in its own way. Though the ballroom was relatively small for such an estate, the large glass doors at the side opened into a stunning garden with an extended dance floor in the center made from a checkerboard of smooth gray and white stone squares. The walls surrounding the garden courtyard dripped with twisting vines and fragrant clusters of flowers, interspersed with the soft magic of twinkling fairy lights and the darting sparkles of the pixies who lived here. The two spaces were connected enough to make the garden feel like an extension of the party inside, but separate enough that two different groups of musicians could play different tunes without clashing.
A spiral staircase led down into the ballroom proper. I currently stood hidden in the shadows at the end of the hallway that led out onto the landing. The staircase was a good place to make a sweeping entrance. But where I stood was the perfect location for reconnaissance. I could see the doorway on the far side of the ballroom, and I watched as each person or group of people entered. The people I served, here to receive news and lose themselves in revelry. I drew in a slow, steady breath and ran my hands over my gown, doing my best to get a handle on my nerves.
I was about to make an important announcement. The guests didn't know for certain what news I had to impart. But most of the noble families and business owners, as well as a few of the lowborn and humans who were able to pull themselves away from their work, had accepted my invitation to this event. They would be here to witness the moment that our tiny territory in the forgotten northern corner of Elfhaven became something more. It was my duty to make sure it was a happy and hopeful occasion.
But despite the importance of tonight's ball, my mind kept wandering to my mates. It had been over a week since I accidentally spied on Adder and Fife, but the image of their fierce, passionate exchange wouldn't leave my mind. I wondered if they had slept in their own beds that night. I wondered if they ever talked about me in their secret moments, and if they thought me a fool to be pitied, or a villain who had upset their world. And it made me think of the others as well. I wondered if I'd ever feel Mirri's warm embrace, or taste Bach's consuming kisses again.
I counted to six as I breathed in and made myself count to twelve on the out breath, making my exhales longer than my inhales in an attempt to settle my mind and regain my focus. Now was not the time for these lusty fantasies.
A soft sound drew my attention, and I glanced behind me as Bach came down the hallway, the others following behind him. "Good evening, lady steward," Bach rumbled in his deep, even voice. "You look lovely tonight."
The gown I wore for tonight's ball was much simpler than the one I had worn the last time we attended a ball—the night at the palace when I had revealed my identity and named Raven team the winners of the tournament. Everything here was simpler by comparison, even though the occasion was more important.
Larkwood's people, by and large, weren't impressed by things like ostentatious shows of wealth and privilege, like the folk at the capital. We appreciated hard work and the beauty of nature around us. We were wild forest folk, surrounded by imposing mountains, and we sometimes did trade with trolls and dwarves. Our parties were full of flowers, and vines, and untamed pixies. Our tables were spread with the bounty that came from the fields and groves within walking distance of the estate, and every last bit of the bounty and richness around us—from the garlands, to the candles, to the sumptuous fruit cakes—was made lovingly by people we all knew, some of whom were getting ready to celebrate down below as we spoke.
My dress tonight was a soft hand-spun silk sheath of blues and greens, slit up the sides to allow for dancing, and layered over thin tights made of gossamer thread that glinted and glittered when the light hit it just right. I'd had the dressmaker add a bit of last-minute embroidery to the left shoulder and chest of my bodice—a silver raven with its wings spread, the tips of one wing sweeping out to rest over my heart. It wasn't exactly subtle. But it wasn't meant to be. It was a clear signal to the people below and to the men who approached me now. I had taken the raven as part of my family crest, alongside the stag and rose that were my family’s sigils. Despite their feelings on the matter, the men of Raven team were the first true members of my House.
Bach's eyes swept over me as he gave his polite compliment, but I noticed how his intense blue gaze caught a moment on the raven that decorated my chest and shoulder. "You look lovely yourself," I said in response to his words. Then I turned to include the others. "You all do. It's an honor to have you at my side tonight."
It had been rather short notice to get them all outfitted for a ball, but the clothier had already been working on some items at my request, so it wasn't too much trouble to make the necessary last-minute adjustments. The males before me all looked impeccable, each one stunningly handsome in his own unique way.
Bach's suit accentuated his broad shoulders, and drew attention to his muscular arms, and his pants clung to his thick thighs when he moved. Adder's suit was understated, but just as well-cut. It also accentuated his broad shoulders, but he was less bulky than Bach, and his jacket and vest nipped in a bit to draw the eye to his narrow waist. At his agreement, Mirri's suit had been crafted to allow his wings to be on full display. The beautiful appendages glimmered, filmy and iridescent under the warm glow of the lights. Fife's suit was more fitted than the others, showing off his compact form and somehow making him seem even more lean and graceful than usual.
They were all dressed in gray or black, but with accents of blues and greens that matched my dress. We would look stunning together. Coordinated and powerful. Our jewelry also matched, my lacy choker adorned with gems that matched the colors of their eyes. I had been afraid they would shun the jewelry I'd ordered for them, but I was pleased to see the elegant sparkle of gemstones decorating ears, fingers, and—in Bach and Mirri's case—even their horns. They were utterly gorgeous, and I couldn't help the little bit of smug pride that flitted through me. I wanted to show off my new mates to my people.
"Are you ready?" I asked, glancing between the men.
They each gave me a nod and variations of small, polite smiles. Except for Fife. The achingly beautiful male gave me a narrow-eyed look that slowly morphed into a small, reckless smirk. Mushrooms and moonbeams, what was he thinking? I got a sudden chill at the thought of him planning some sort of mischief tonight, of all nights. It would be a grand time for him to get his revenge, I suppose, surrounded by all these people. People who looked to me as steward.
Please don't do anything awful and embarrassing, you little terror, I silently beseeched him in my mind. Not tonight. Then Bach took my arm, and we all stepped out onto the landing where we would be visible from below.
I approached the railing and let my hands rest lightly on top as I looked down, waiting for the music to stop and the eager faces of Larkwood to gaze up at their stewards. I took in a breath and paused a moment, trying to organize my racing thoughts. Lady Rose had trained me to give speeches and captivate a crowd. But it had never been my favorite task. And now, there was the added pressure of wanting to impress the males who stood in a half-circle behind and beside me. I wanted them to see what I was capable of and maybe garner some respect.
I didn't freeze for long, but it felt like a lifetime to me in the moment. It surprised me when a warm hand came to rest on my low back. I couldn't see who was touching me, and it could be any of them the way we were standing. But the small show of support was just what I needed to remember who I was and give the people of Larkwood a genuinely happy smile. I projected my voice to fill the crowded ballroom, and an unexpected tingle of magic flowed around me, amplifying my volume, making my voice carry without the additional effort.
