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“It’s fine.” I was at a loss as to what to do as Wylde went around the small room picking up clothes and chip bags. And pizza boxes. And empty cups of what was probably coffee. Oh. and there was more than one pair of underwear laying around, thankfully masculine and not another woman’s. I might have had to kill him over that.
I ducked my head to hide my smile. It was just so… normal! It wasn’t like I thought the man would have some sort of basement command center or anything, but a normal apartment-like room wasn’t what I expected. OK, so maybe I had expected that. But for him to be concerned about any mess in his private space didn’t seem like Wylde either.
“Wanna sit?” He indicated the big leather couch in front of a massive TV on the wall. They were the only two things in the living area other than a coffee table running the length of the couch.
“Sure.” I was nervous, not knowing what to expect. But this quiet, almost introspective Wylde wasn’t it.
We sat in silence for a long time. Wylde wouldn’t look at me. He jogged his leg and stared at the blank TV.
When I couldn’t stand the silence any longer, I reached over and placed my hand on his knee, stilling his leg. That brought his gaze firmly to mine. The intensity there made my breath catch.
“I’m sorry, Dani. Not for making love to you. I’ll never be sorry for that. For forcing you out of your comfort zone when I knew what your expectations were before you had sex with me. I was the experienced one in that encounter, and I pushed you further than you were willing to go, and I did it on fucking purpose.”
“It’s OK.”
“No, baby. It’s not. It makes me the worst kind of bastard and, more importantly, it forced you into leaving the protection of my club and straight into the arms of a psychopath.”
“You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.” Much as I was wary of where this was going, I couldn’t let him take the blame for the attack on me and the girls.
“Maybe not, but I might have found out what was being planned once I continued digging in something I’ve been working on for a few days. But that’s not the point. You guys were safe. Here. In the compound. By hurting you the way I did, I same as forced you out.”
I shook my head. “Still not buying it, Wylde. I get what you’re saying, but it’s not something you had any control over if you didn’t know this was going to happen. Did you know?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
He sighed. “No, baby. I didn’t know. I’ve been looking into a couple users on my Fortnite server. One I believe is a disgruntled teen somewhere. The other is a troublemaker, trying to cause chaos and using that kid to do it.”
“You think that had something to do with what happened to me and the girls?”
“I don’t know, baby. I just have a weird feeling. And I never ignore those feelings.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. I’ll figure it out. That’s actually the easy part.” He reached for my hand and laced his fingers through mine. The gesture was so tender it made tears form in my eyes.
“What’s the hard part?” I didn’t try to stem the flow of tears. It was just too much trouble. Wylde reached out and caught one as it dripped down my cheek.
“Fixing my fuck-up with you.”
I stared at him for long, long moments, not sure what to say but needing to voice my one burning question. Finally, I cleared my throat and pushed forward.
“Did you mean it when you said you loved me?” I couldn’t hold his gaze, not wanting to see the regret I was afraid would be there. It surprised me when he cupped my cheek in his big palm and urged me to look at him. What I saw there was fierce. Unbending. Undeniable.
“Yes, Danica. I meant every Goddamned motherfuckin’ word. I fuckin’ love you more than anything in this Goddamned world.”
“I thought you weren’t looking to settle down. Does that mean you love me but you don’t want me in your life?”
“No. It means I have to have you in my life, Dani. I have to be in yours. I’ve never loved another soul in my entire life.”
That startled me. “What?”
“You heard me. As emotionally unavailable as I’ve always accused Cyrus of being, I’m worse.”
“Is that why you snark at people? To make them hate you sometimes?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. It’s easier to keep people at a distance so I don’t have to form attachments. Because I honestly don’t know what to do with this shit I feel for you. And can’t imagine feeling it for anyone else. Things like tonight are why.”
“Because, if you love someone, you risk getting hurt when they’re taken away from you.”
“Or when they leave.”
