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I chuckle as I watch the two of them and eat my own food. Havoc cooked dinner tonight. It is horrible to say the least. All I can taste with each bite is cayenne pepper. But he looked so proud to have made us a meal that I couldn’t say anything. Especially not now when Laney doesn’t hold back.
“I hate spice!” Laney throws her hands in the air. “You said the red was tomatoes!”
Havoc falls back into his seat laughing so hard his head might actually fall off.
“There were a few tomatoes in there.”
Laney rolls her eyes before getting up to dump her plate in the trash. Not just the food, the whole damn plate.
“Hey,” I say. “What did my plates ever do to you?”
She walks over to the cabinets to retrieve some crackers. “I did you a favor. I don’t know how you’re eating that.”
I watch Havoc’s face fall. Our dinners are the one time we are all together at the end of the day. We make it a point to sit, talk, and open up while getting to know each other, which is how I know Havoc’s tells. That actually hurt him.
“You must have not stirred the pot well enough before you got your plate,” I say. “Mine is delicious.”
It’s a lie, but I can’t help it. Havoc leans forward, assessing me. I keep my face neutral as I bite into the pepper-covered pasta. When that twinkle resumes in his eye, he shoots me a wink.
Laney actually leans over the pot on the stove, taking my comment seriously but thinks twice before trying it again. I let out a small breath of relief. If she tried it again, she might die. In fact, I have to make sure I have enough reflux medication in the cabinet because I will definitely need to take that later.
Later that night, we all sit down to watch a mindless movie about some billionaire who’s come home for Christmas and falls in love with the sweet hometown baker.
She loves these moments when she’s draped over mine and Havoc’s laps, his arm is slung over my shoulders. It makes us all feel whole, like one unit come together.
These are the times she looks most content. Not the fake content she puts on for everyone else. This is real. Her posture relaxes all the way until her body melts into ours.
When Havoc disappears to the bathroom, and the door closes behind him, she looks up at me with a satisfied grin.
“Is your mouth still on fire?”
I stroke a hand through her hair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Mhmmm.” She sits up and straddles me. “So I didn’t see you taking a handful of antiacid medication earlier, then?”
Her hand moves to the back of my neck, raking her nails across it. The sensation feels so good that my body shudders under her. “Must have been someone else,” I quip.
She leans into me and brushes our noses together before laying her forehead on mine. “I love how you care about him.”
I stiffen, scared she might be reading more into this. Sure, I care about him. I have to. If I want her, I have to accept him too. It’s nothing more than that.
My mind doesn’t hold onto those thoughts as her hips grind down on me. It’s then that I realize I’m hard underneath her. Painfully so. Is that from my girl or the thoughts of Havoc?
Laney’s nails bite into the skin of my neck as she pulls me close, fusing our mouths together. She has this way of making me feel crazy and at peace all at once.
I hold her close, feeling her warmth pressed so tightly to my chest that it calms a part of me I didn’t realize was anxious. I cherish her for that. The way she can make me feel things. I thought for so long I would never have something like this.
Yet, I got the girl. And, in a way, I got the guy too.If only I could tell him.
As Laney and I take our time exploring each other’s mouths, I imagine how different kissing Havoc would feel. His scruff gritting into mine, his hard muscles pushing against my full but toned body.
He’s the contrast of our girl in every way. She has a trimmed waist with long hair and the personality of sunshine, while he is a muscular tornado set on destroying everything in its path. The two of them are yin and yang, total opposites. Yet, they fit together so perfectly, just like they do with me.
A heavy sigh escapes my lips as we break the kiss and cuddle into each other. As her breathing evens out, she’s pressed against my chest. I hold her close while watching the door, waiting for one-third of our heart to join us.
???
One minute I’m dreaming about the people I love, the next my mind begins to race with muddied thoughts. They feel real, but they also feel fake. As if there was another version of me, from another life, that’s fighting to scratch its way to the surface.
