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I mean, what do you say to a man who gave you the best sex of your life?
Thanks? She’d said that, and he definitely hadn’t appreciated it.
But she didn’t have to wait long. He sighed long and hard, pulling her hand into his to kiss it softly. Then he made his way around to her side and opened the door for her without a word.
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Dinner with the Alpha’s family was quiet with Keoni gone, Axel out for business and Lana and Zhair preoccupied with talking to their mom about a possible mate tour party, so she excused herself and headed up to her room. She sat for a long time, staring out the window, wondering what the fuck she was going to do, and how the hell she made her life such a mess.
But she couldn’t stand thinking too long. So, after scrolling social media for a while, she started her nighttime routine, taking a long bath, giving herself a facial and a fresh manicure on her nails. By the time she laid down, her brain was still spinning, and her body was still aching for him. Her wolf wouldn’t give her the time of day, not when she was still denying her their mate.
She had no clue what time it was when she scented him, and the soft closing of her door had her heart racing. She didn’t move, only waited to see what he would do, so when he undressed and slid behind her in bed, she breathed a sigh of relief.
She couldn’t sleep without him, and maybe he couldn’t either, but as relieved as she was that he was here, she worried about what she would do in the future. But that was future-Bailey’s problem.For now, he was here, and it felt good. She could enjoy it while it lasted.
In the silence, she leaned back against him. “I didn’t think you would come.”
“I didn’t think you would want me to.”
She didn’t know how to answer that, so she didn’t. Closing her eyes and letting his scent surround and comfort her, she soaked him in.
“I can’t get you out of my mind, wild thing. Every part of my day is consumed by you. Tell me you don’t feel the same way.”
“You shouldn’t though. You don’t know me. Not really.” She kept her eyes closed. It was easier this way, to ignore her feelings and his questions.
His arm crossed over her chest, and his thumb nonchalantly stroked her arm. “I know enough.”
“You don’t.” She whispered it, unable to summon enough courage to tell the truth. “I’m not a good person, Nas. I tried to show you the first night. You only know what I let you know. If you knew me, you’d run for the hills. You’d never speak to me again.”
“There’s nothing in the world that bad. You’re too hard on yourself.”
She swallowed hard. He didn’t understand, but maybe he could if she explained, if she could only make him see what she knew about herself. “All my life, I’ve become whoever people want me to be. I know I bragged before, but it’s true. I can pick up just about any skill I need to. But it’s not…not because I want to. It’s because I’ve always been scared the real me wasn’t good enough, or that I would never find something I truly cared about. So, I’ve become what people want. Gone against expectations at times, but mostly been what people think I should do and be.”
He stayed silent, letting her speak, and once she started, she didn’t think she could stop. “I love Ava. She’s my best friend, so as a kid, I spent as much time with her, doing what she loved. Learning to fight, becoming the best fighter we could be. I picked that up easily, but I don’t have a passion for it. My mother? She and my grandmother run my great-grandmother’s restaurant in Aisling, and she wants me to take it over. It’s what taught me to be so flirtatious, and how to work people, men especially. I can shmooze with the upper ranks, slum it with the others, can run the whole place without blinking, from manager to hostess to cook. But I don’t like doing it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with any of that. You’re exploring your options.”
“Except I can’t seem to say no. Or I couldn’t before. They wanted me to go on the mate tour, and I didn’t want to. But it was the best decision. At the time, I had no clue what I would do with myself other than be whatever my parents wanted. And they wanted me to find a mate. To be someone’s other half.”
She slid her hand down his, intertwining his fingers through hers as she tried to get the courage together.
“They thought all my fears about my future and who I was would be solved by finding my mate. Like most wolves, right?” She laughed bitterly. “Even you.”
“It’s our way, Bailey. It’s a part of wolf life. We are…our mates will complete us, will complement and support us. It’s natural to feel scared, but once you find him, it will all fall into place.”
He seemed so sure, so confident. But he didn’t get it.
“And so, what if your mate was the opposite of you, and you had to give up everything you loved to become someone new?”
“Then that’s what I would do.”
“You’d sacrifice everything you love about yourself?”
“If necessary, but a mate wouldn’t do that. Wouldn’t need that. They are your soul. They fit together perfectly.”
“So, when I meet my mate, do you think he will let me continue running PackNewsOne? That I could continue staking out the mate tours and creating news segments about others? That I could travel the country and be the journalist I want to be?”
He had fallen silent again, so she charged forward.
