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Her eyelids lowered, and she stepped back to a morning when the sun had barely broken the eastern horizon. With her newborn in her arms, she’d been secreted away from a Los Angeles maternity hospital to a private airstrip. The rest of her story was a decade’s long list of moving from incidental place to incidental place. “Having security and living behind a gate hadn’t kept me safe. Disappearing, changing my name, and moving around did. At least it had until last night.”
Eric sat mute and still, as if long resigned to her reasons for running away. When Jenna confessed to hiding because her fear of Mark had followed her across the ocean and back, Eric nobly fell on his sword. “I brought him into our lives. What he did to you was my fault.”
“No. It wasn’t.” Jenna’s words were a soft dispute. “It was never your fault.” She pressed curled fingers to her cheeks, closing her eyes and taking more slow breaths. “As the years went by, I began to accept Mark manipulatedyoubecause of me, because I was a celebrity. The blame is on him, no one else.”
Silence suspended the conversation. Eric’s hands were wrapped tightly around his cup and his lips were drawn down. Mottled bruises under his eyes were a dark contrast to the pallid color of his cheeks. Jenna quailed when he shifted in his chair and winced in pain. Laying his palms flat against the table he sucked his breath through clenched teeth. She automatically slid one hand across the table to bring her fingers close to his, but he drew away from her touch. They made eye contact for the first time, and for the first time since they sat, Jenna could see the paradox of emotion struggling behind the bruises. His brows were set straight and low over eyes that looked unfocused and far away. She watched as he clutched his mug as though it were a talisman he needed to steadily grip for strength.
“When you found out…when…when I was in the hospital four years ago…why didn’t you tell me?”
Gutted by the memory, Jenna brought her hands to her chest. She could still hear the radio broadcast reporting he’d been critically injured. She could still see a road blurred by tears as she sped to the hospital to say goodbye. “You were so weak. Every time you opened your eyes, I wanted to tell you, beg you to hold on, but you never stayed conscious long enough.”
With her hands still pressed to her breast, she stood. Watching the man she loved, sitting exhausted and in pain, was breaking her heart. She had, on a long-ago night, vowed never to hurt him and never to leave him. She had done both.
His body sagged in his chair. He brought his hands to his face, pressing the heels into his eyes. “So, you just left? That was it?”
“No. I didn’t want to leave, but I had no choice. Bree was ranting, and the doctors thought the disturbance would…” Jenna no longer had power over her emotions and tears streamed down her cheeks. “The doctors thought my presence would hurt you more.”
Raising his head, he finally looked long and deeply into her eyes. His were wide, but empty and sad. “Hurt me? Seeing you was the only thing that kept me alive.”
“It wasn’t my place to be there. You were married. You had a new life.”
“And a daughter.”
His words rode on such a desolate breath Jenna felt as if her body was caving in on itself. “Your brother, Bree, even the doctors insisted I leave.”
“You should have told me later, after I recovered.”
“I know. But…”
“But what?”
“I didn’t know you anymore. I didn’t know who Eric Laine the celebrity was. I couldn’t just pack my daughter up and send her to visit a father who was a stranger, and a stepmother who…well…handing my little girl over to Bree wasn’t acceptable.”
“And having Janie grow up without a father was?” Eric exhaled what sounded like a dying breath. “You decided not to give me the chance to be a dad to my only child. I know how badly you wanted to protect her, but you cheated both of us.”
“Please try and understand. I had no idea what kind of a father you would be. Our last few months together, you’d changed. You were sullen and distant…and…and then the night Janie was born it all spilled out.” Jenna sobbed remembering a broken young man, crying as he admitted he could never accept her baby. “You can’t imagine how it feels to be completely shattered by someone you trust and love as much as I loved you.”
The last sparks of emotion—understanding, sentiment, light, all seemed to retreat from Eric’s eyes and fade into nothing. He threaded his fingers together and lowered his head. “I do now.”
****
Food was warming on Ina’s stove, but although Eric couldn’t remember when he had last eaten, he had no appetite.
“You have to have something,” Ina urged. “Have a seat. Where’s your friend?”
“Sleeping in the car.”
She rubbed her hands together as she wove her way through the maze of boxes to where he stood. He was ready to drop, but the exhaustion he was feeling had little to do with lack of rest.
“How did things go? Is the little girl all right?” she asked.
“Mylittle girl,” Eric corrected, then quickly apologized for the sharpness of his tone. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long night.”It’s been a long ten years.“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go up to my room and get some sleep.” He moved to the stairs, but midway up he stopped and looked over the railing. Ina was standing silent among her belongings—possessions she’d packed in preparation for the demise of her home.
He called down to her. “I’m not really in any shape to finish the repairs. And I have a world of things I have to straighten out. I’m going to hire a contractor to finish up here. That’ll be one less thing I have to worry about. So don’t give me any shit, okay?” He winked, mustering a smile that took great effort to give.
“There goes that filthy mouth of yours again. I hope I can find a bar of soap in here.” Though she was bent over a box, Eric could see her wiping her eyes.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
