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“Eating doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” He counters, trying to get me to see reason.
“It feels like a bad thing to me.”
“We will work on that.”
“No.Wewon’t.”
“I meant you, but we can do it together.”
“Wes. I’m not good for you.”
“I disagree.”
“I’m never going to want to eat. I will do it because of you but I won’t want to. I won’t like it. It will be a constant struggle for me.”
“That’s fine. I’ll be there for you through it all. I will come up with fun prizes. Sexy prizes.” He smirks and I fight the urge to smile. He is trying to make light of the situation.
“There can’t always be a prize. You deserve to be with someone who is fucking normal. That’s what I’ve been trying to say this whole time. You deserve someone better than me.”
“And I said I don’t want anyone but you. Normal. Crazy. Sad. Bulimic. Whatever. You are the only one I want, Abbey.”
“I don’t want to be wanted by you. I want you to want someone else. I want better for you.”
“No. You just don’t want to put in the work. I think you want someone who doesn’t give a shit if you starve yourself or not. You want someone who will look the other way as you waste away. You are terrified I will make you better. You don’t want me to want you because you know I actually care about you and that scares you.”
I look at him. He isn’t wrong, but I’m not about to tell him that.
He goes on. “I love you, Abbey. I get it won’t be a walk in the park with you. I understand that. You’ve been through some shit. You have an unhealthy relationship with food. I get it. I don’t care. I love you. I want you. I just need you to accept that. I’m getting tired of having this fucking conversation. Just let yourself be happy and taken care of for once in your life. Please.” He is frustrated.
I’ve made him frustrated.
I blink back tears because I’m angry at myself for making him frustrated. I’m sad that I made him frustrated and I’m just generally exhausted.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper a few tears roll down my cheek.
“Me too.” He whispers, his voice quiet, pulling me against him. “I’m sorry I got so heated.”
“I’m just so exhausted.” I whisper into his chest.
“It’s been a long day.”
“And we still have a show to play.”
“Let’s take a nap. Just a short one.”
I nod and he puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk to my bus.
We walk onto my bus, and Sue looked up at us.
“We are going to take a nap. Wake us up when it’s time to eat.” Wes says to her.
“A nap?” Sue raises an eyebrow.
I roll my eyes. Wes just laughs.
“Yes. A nap.” I say and lead Wes down to my bunk.
I kick my shoes off and crawl into my bunk.
