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And everyone saw Haley’s and my little exchange. What would they say about that? If Wes got back with her, I’d look ridiculous. I’d looked pathetic.
If they decide to get back together, I’d lose him. There is no way we could be friends then. She wouldn’t allow it, I’m sure. Plus, it would hurt too much. It would hurt way too much for me to handle. I can’t lose him.
Everything hurts so much right now.
I want Wes. I want him to put his arms around me and tell me everything will be okay. That I can do this.
But I can’t move.
I kneel there for a while, trying to focus on getting my breathing under control. I try to stop myself from crying.
Sue comes walking in after a few minutes.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Oh, Jesus. What happened?” She stands in front of me. I look up at her, tears still falling down my face. “We are going to have to cut songs if you don’t pull yourself together." She sighs. “Get up.”
I force myself to my feet.
“Where is Wes?”
I shrug, wiping at my eyes.
“Mirror. Touch up your makeup.” She orders. “I’ll be right back. You got five minutes. We are cutting Bliss.”
I nod and sit in front of the mirror. I take short, shallow breaths- in and out- while trying to fix my makeup. Thank God for waterproof mascara. I pick up my eyeliner, touching it up. I add a little extra, hoping it helps to cover up the redness of my eyes.
I apply some concealer to help cover up the puffiness and reapply some lipstick.
I look like a fucking wreck but not as bad as I did a few minutes ago. I let out a deep breath and pull out my vial. My hands shake as I lift the spoon to my nose and do a bump. I’m going to need the energy to go out there and sing my heart out.
“All right.” Sue says, coming back into the room. “Let’s go.”
“Okay.” I blindly follow her.
I scan the crowd of people at side stage for Wes. I don’t see him anywhere, and it fills me with instant dread. More so when I don’t see Haley around anywhere, either, I know they are together.
Someone is attaching a mic pack to me.
“Nine songs, two encore songs. The updated set list is there.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “You got this,” I nod. “Break a leg.”
I sing through my set, trying my hardest not to look towards the side of the stage for Wes. I break only twice and I’m disappointed both times.
My stomach is in knots as I walk off stage to wait for my encore. I hear the crowd chanting, and I wish I could just ignore them and leave. I would love nothing more than to hide out in my dressing room, but I can’t disappoint them like that.
I glance around the side stage again. I spot Ben to the side, and he offers me a small smile. I see Skylar, too, and he also smiles at me. Still, there is no Wes or Haley.
I might puke.
“All right.” Sue speaks, grabbing my attention as she turns me to face the stage. “Two more songs.” She gives me a little push, and I walk back out there.
I sing through the last two songs before rushing off stage. I rip off my mic pack and hand it to the stage manager before speed-walking to my dressing room.
I march into my dressing room, slamming the door behind me. I’m surprised to see Wes sitting on the couch, taking a drink from a bottle of Jack.
“Hey.” I am shocked to see him sitting here.
“Hey.” He slurs.
He is clearly drunk. That’s not reassuring.
