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“Maybe.”
I could pretend to like him as more. It might make things easier, but that would come with sex, and I didn’t want to have sex with him. I only want Wes like that.
“Okay. Let’s go get another drink.”
I hang out on his bus for the next almost two hours. The guys talk bullshit and play video games. I stay mostly silent and to myself, but it felt nice to be around people instead of alone on my bus. Skylar stays by my side, though. He refills my drink twice.
I have a pleasant buzz going on when he gets up.
“I have to run an errand. Do you want to come with me?”
“No. I think I’ll just walk around a bit.”
“Or you can stay here?” Liam offers.
“No. I’m fine. Text me when you’re back.”
I wander around the bus area for a while, walking between the busses, enjoying the fresh air and time alone. I’m feeling less buzzed when I see Ben and Wes smoking a cigarette.
“Hey Abbey.” Ben greets me warmly.
“Hey.” I wave, walking up to them. He eyes my arm but doesn’t say anything. I should’ve probably worn a hoodie or something.
“How are you?” Ben asks.
“Okay.” I shrug.
“Just okay?” Ben asks.
I can’t bring myself to fake a smile.
“Got anymore coke to share?” He smiles, playfully at me.
“Not on me right now.”
“Too bad.” He bends down to put out his cigarette. “I’m going to head back to the bus." He decides, tapping Wes on the shoulder. “See you around, Abbey.”
“Bye.” I wave, as he walks away.
“Are you hanging out with Skylar tonight?” Wes asks when Ben is gone. I nod. “Going to shoot up again?”
“Not tonight.” I shrug.
“So, what’s the drug for tonight?”
“Some coke. Maybe some ecstasy. He says a good upper might help.”
“Yeah, temporarily.”
“I need temporary.” I want to cry, and I don’t know why.
“You are playing with the chemicals in your brain Abbey. Too high means eventually you’ll be too low. You say you want a distraction from the pain, but when you come down, you’ll feel the pain tenfold.”
“Wes. Everything is a mess. I’m a mess.” I let a few tears roll down my face.
“I know.” He pulls me into a hug. “But it will get better.”
“I need something. Anything to make it all stop.”
