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So, I never told anyone about it. I never told anyone about the other times as well. Who would believe me, anyway? I’m a slut. I sleep around. No one would believe someone forced me. I wore short skirts. I wore see-through tops. I must want it.
I get up and go to the bathroom. I splash my face with water and rinse out my mouth, brushing my teeth as I still cry. My eyes are red and puffy. I would need a face mask to relieve them before the show.
I sit back on the couch, hugging a pillow and trying not to cry anymore.
Sue comes in, and I look up.
“Oh, fucking hell. Did something happen with Wes?”
“No.” I mutter.
“Jesus, you are going to need an eye mask and some eye drops.”
“Sue.”
“Yes?”
“Have you ever been raped?” I ask in a whisper.
“Did Wes?”
“No. No.” I amend quickly. “He would never.” I hoped, at least.
“I was once. It happened when I was twenty-one and in college. I went into his dorm room willingly, but I didn’t expect him to want sex. I was naïve then. Why?”
“Did you report it?”
“Yes. I went to the campus police. He got suspended for a week. A slap on the wrist.” She shrugs.
“I’ve been raped a few times.”
“I kind of figured. People don’t just starve themselves for no reason.” She sits down at the table. “But you never said anything, so I wasn’t sure.”
“Who would believe me?”
“Unfortunately, not a lot of people would, but if you tell me, I can make them pay in other ways.”
“How?”
“I can start some terrible rumors.” She laughs a little. “I can blacklist them from ever touring with you again. Depending on who it is, I could probably get them fired.” She shrugs.
“I don’t know if I’m worth all the trouble.”
“You are Abbey Dark. You bring in millions for the record label a year. Trust me. You are worth all the trouble. Why else do you think I’m here on tour with you? Watching you pee, forcing you to eat. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for.” I shrug. She sighs. “You aren’t the only girl on the label with an eating disorder. Hate to break it to you, but it’s not that rare. But you are the only one the record label noticed. You matter, Abbey. Maybe not for the reasons you’d like. Maybe they only care because of greed, but you are worth something.” She gets up. “I’ll get you a face mask and some eye drops. Probably a pick-me-up for tonight, too.”
“You can just say coke.”
She laughs. “Legally, I cannot. What would you like for lunch?” She picks up a menu.
“I threw up breakfast.” I confess. “So, I should probably get something big.” She looks at me, disappointed. “Not on purpose. I was having a panic attack. You can ask Wes. He was there.”
She nods. “A club sandwich and a side of fries, then.”
“Sure, I’m guessing I can’t go on Wes’s bus now.”
“We will see.” She says, and for once, I think she actually might let me even though I had hurled.
“Might not even matter now.”
