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Kastle Harbor, Maine, can give you the perfect summer weather one day and without warning, dole out a coastal storm the next. We’ve had some unusually brisk evenings this June. In addition to being prepared for any weather, the dress and pashmina combo let me be ready to go from the beach wedding to the indoor reception without changing in my car.
I opted for minimal jewelry and makeup. It’s not my day to shine, so I will simply glimmer just like the others in the crowd of family and friends. I don’t expect to be in a lot of photos, but you never know, so I wanted to look my best.
The beach fills up with guests. I spot my twin, Victor, looking for an open seat and wave him over. Both of my close friends are in the wedding party. Victor’s girlfriend, Sally, is Jake’s best-woman for the wedding and Bethany is Violet’s maid of honor.
Fiancée. Sally is Victor’s fiancée.
I’m still not used to saying that. Who knew my brother would ever get over his commitment issues and fall for a hardworking woman like Sally? I’m glad he did though. Everyone deserves to fall in love and find their soulmate.
Even if we only get one chance and I’ve already had mine, I still believe in love for everyone.
Victor joins me and we chat while waiting for the wedding to start. When the music starts to play, everyone stands, and we watch the small wedding party walk down the aisle. Jake’s grandmother sits in the front row, looking like the woman behind the curtain happily orchestrating things and now witnessing these nuptials. When the music changes, we all know Violet is next.
In a sea of pale blue chairs and rows of smiling faces, Violet is stunning. Her gown is simple in design and silhouette. The dress is a creamy strapless white mermaid style. It has a lace overlay with a smidge of beading details. I was there when she picked it out in the store. No other dress made her beam with happiness like the one she selected. It was an instant yes.
If only relationships were just as easy.
After a short and sweet ceremony, the crowd cheers as the couple kisses and walks back down the aisle together. The wedding party will stay for photos on the beach while the rest of us make our way to Mrs. Barlow’s, Jake’s grandmother, home for the reception.
Victor tells me he’ll meet me at the reception. There’s a softness to his face as he watches Sally interact with the newlyweds. It appears everyone around me has fallen in love recently. Just the past few years Bethany and Violet, my two best friends in town, found their soulmates. Then Sally moved to town and our girls’ group happily expanded only for her and my brother to fall in love.
I tell myself there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m happy for them all.
It just gets a little lonely sometimes. Sometimes I think about dating, looking for someone to share the rest of my life with, but I just can’t bring myself to take the risk.
My partner is my grief, and I don’t know when or if that will ever change.
Often at these big life events I miss Seth, my husband. He was so full of life and love. My heart aches just thinking about his death and the emptiness I’ve felt ever since his passing. I’ve built up some walls since then, but the romantic in me still desperately clings to the idea that maybe one day I’ll be happy with someone again. That perhaps if it felt right, I’d be open to dating. That my guilt would fade away and I could be open to love.
For now, I refuse to commit to anything other than a casual, no future attached, relationship.
I pull my pashmina more snugly around me, push my bubbling loneliness deep down, and head to the reception. I’m ready for some champagne and dancing.
Theodore
I’ve never been to a beach wedding before, but I’m glad I made the trip. Jake’s bachelor days are well behind him. And as the two exchange vows I can see the happiness in his eyes. I know they’re meant to be. Especially after the way he became teary-eyed when Violet came into view. All the classic telltale signs of true love.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt in love.
One too many heartbreaks can make a person build some sturdy walls.
That’s a decent line, I need to make a note. I pat down my jacket pockets, find my small notepad, and jot it down. Working through writer’s block means writing every single little idea or phrase down.
Maybe I’ll add a dash of romance to my next mystery novel. Give my lead detective a love life. He can have a better one thanme. My history is scattered with a few good relationships with women who ended up only liking me for my money. Everything seems to crash and burn. I’m hesitant now, but I still yearn for a serious and love filled relationship.
I try my best to protect my heart.
I let out a quiet sigh as I close the notepad and put it back. My notepad is mostly a bunch of short sentences about catching the bad guy or short plot points that I thought sounded good at some point. My deadline is approaching, and I still don’t have the big story figured out. My brain needs time to sort through the tangled mess of ideas and possibilities for the book.
I spoke to Jake a few weeks back about places to stay near Kastle Harbor and he recommended getting one of the Airbnb rooms near downtown.
Everything is within walking distance, including the beach.
That’s the tagline that sold me on extending my original weekend trip for the wedding to a few weeks. Besides, shuffling between New York City and Toronto was getting to be too much traveling. There hasn’t been much time to breathe. I need a break.
I booked my stay, packed up some clothes and my laptop, and headed to Maine.
It may have been a little too easy to drop everything and hit pause on my social life.
