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“Very,” I say nodding. “I’m not even sure what to say. What if I walk out there and fall on my face? What if I choke on my own words? Or what if I do something stupid like forget my own name?” I rub my palms on my dress, trying desperately to wipe away the moisture.
He smiles at me. “It will be fine. I’ll be right by your side, and I promise I won’t let you fall.”
We hear Ethan’s voice again, booming through the speakers. “And last, but certainly not least, my personal favorite nominee, please welcome Emma Carpenter, who is escorted by Dean Payne.”
Dean places my hand in the crook of his arm. He offers me an encouraging smile, and then leads me out onto the stage. I glance down at my feet and shuffle forward. Then I remember what Mom said about being a queen. I look up and, much to my surprise, we’re met by cheering and not rotten tomatoes. Or silence. I think silence would have been even worse than squishy fruit.
Ethan hands me the microphone and I try and clear my throat. It feels like sandpaper. I swallow hard and smile at the full auditorium. I’m not going to give up, I tell myself. I am going to prove those snooty girls wrong.
“Hi, my name is Emma Carpenter and you’re probably all wondering what I am doing here.” I look down at my flowingpeach gown and high heels. “I’m wondering the same thing.” My words are met with several chuckles.
But before I can say anymore, my video comes up on the screen, and it’s the first time I have given it any thought at all. How did they get a video for me? Who turned it in? Did Mom make one? I look up and see the large screen behind me fill with my own face. As soon as I see my bedroom in the background and I hear my own voice say, “Hey Steve,” I know I am about to be royally screwed in front of the entire school.
Chapter Seventeen
I know I didn’t just leave my phone at the ice cream shop now. Someone swiped it. They found all my private journal entries. Then they spliced them together to make the most incriminating video imaginable. I don’t even know how to react or what to do as my stupid voice repeats burn after burn in full surround sound.
“Hey Steve, I knew instantly where the two teacher nominations had come from…”
“When it comes to Austin, Steve, I gotta be honest, I didn’t even recognize that he was a boy until this last week. He’s just always been like one of my girlfriends. He’s always been a little on the awkward side too.”
I can feel my blood boiling inside me. I’ve never felt this cocktail of emotions before. Anger, guilt, embarrassment; every feeling crashes over the previous one like a fresh wave of shame. I can see the faces who were smiling at me just moments before, looking at me now with a mix of amusement and disgust.
From the back of the auditorium, I can see Austin leave his seat and exit out the back doors. He looks so dejected, I just want to cry. I want to run after him. Tell him they didn’t share the wonderful things I said about him. But my feet feel like lead. I can’t breathe, I can’t think. Everyone in the auditorium seems to be stunned. No one knows what to do. Mrs. Graidy looks pissed. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her face that contorted before. She finally steps off the stage and makes her way down the aisle toward the sound booth at the back of the room.
Ethan looks amused, until his own face appears in the video.
“I asked you to be my date because there was a lot of buzz around your snap. I’ve got a couple sponsors on the ropes, whomight be willing to sponsor me if I can just get a few thousand more followers.”
Then we’re back to me again, repeating my encounter with Jaron, while I’m hiding in the bathroom. “Can’t you just ditch those other two guys and come with me? Don’t you think I deserve that much, after all I’m going through for you? Can you believe he said that, Steve?! I appreciate that he saved me from Brody and everything, but does that really mean I owe him? I don’t like feeling manipulated.”
I can see Jaron as he stalks out of the auditorium, slamming the door behind him. I want to call after him, too. I need him to understand. But I don’t have a voice anymore. It’s been taken from me. Along with any ounce of pride I once had.
The video cuts to me vomiting at the prom nomination assembly. You know, in case anyone forgot how this whole, hot mess got started. The video finally cuts off. I don’t think that was the end of it, but clearly Mrs. Graidy finally reached the booth and made the stage crew stop it from finishing. It doesn’t matter. Everyone saw more than enough evidence to make me a social pariah for the rest of my high school life.
The auditorium goes completely silent. All eyes are on me. I finally regain control of my feet and run offstage. I can see Taylor and Kylie smirking at me as I dash past them. Then I can hear the buzzing of hundreds of voices as they talk about me. I run through the curtains in the dark, swiping tears from my cheeks as I go. My feet stumble over chords and I bump into tables, but I still push forward. I just need to get away. But I have nowhere to go, nowhere will ever be safe again.
I burst out of the door backstage and collapse onto the floor. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. My chest heaves in and out as I sob. The peach chiffon of my gown becomes dingey grey beneath my mascara-coated tears.
My heart is racing so fast inside my chest, I fear it might explode. I feel a tightness in my throat, like I can’t quite catch my breath. Between the tears and the shortness of breath, I begin feeling dizzy. I’m afraid I might pass out. I try and get to my feet, but I’m shaking badly at this point. I can’t even stand. My brain is still in flight mode. It’s telling me to run. Run far away and don’t ever look back. But my body won’t comply. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. If I don’t get enough air soon, I’m legit afraid I’m going to die. The walls around me are spinning now. And I can hear a ringing in my ears.
I don’t really know what is happening, but someone helps me to my feet. I close my eyes as they guide me down the hallway of the school. I’m gently pushed down into a soft chair, and then everything goes black.
***
“Emma?”
“Emma, dear, are you okay?”
I can hear the voices calling me, but I want to go back to whatever dreamland I landed in. Bring back the darkness. The lights in this room are giving me a massive headache. I finally peek one eye open and glance around. I recognize Mrs. Reyes’ office at once.
Mrs. Reyes and my mom are both leaning over me. I can’t read the look on Mom’s face. Is she mad? Is she concerned? Is she contemplating murder?
I groan and turn my face into the deep cushion of the couch. Who shared my videos and how did they get them off my phone? Those were for me and Steve alone.
“How could you embarrass us like this?” Mom asks. “After all we’ve done for you.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
