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“Then who is that Steve character?” Mr. Dickson asks. “The videos did sound like she was addressing someone directly.”
Mrs. Reyes turns to me. “Emma?” she asks gently.
“I…I felt stupid saying dear diary or something lame like that,” I answer quietly. “Steve was just the name of my journal. I had an easier time sharing my thoughts with a person. Even if that person wasn’t real.” I stare down at my hands. I can’t bring myself to look at anyone. Just when I thought I had tapped out on embarrassing moments, this happens, proving it is indeed possible for my embarrassing situations to get increasingly worse.
Mr. Dickson nods. He seems to accept my explanation. “Alright,” he says, “I hope we are all able to move past this unfortunate incident.”
We? I can’t believe he has the audacity to act as though this will affect his life in any way. I’m sure he will have forgotten all about me as soon as I leave his office. But what about me? I have to face the student body, and the other nominees, and oh gosh! What about Austin and Ethan and Jaron? The looks on their faces…what am I going to do? Will they even talk to me again? I cover my face with my hands again. How can I bear it? How can I—
But my thoughts are cut off as Mr. Dickson stands and opens his office door. “You better return to class, Emma.”
Is he kidding?! Go back to class…then what? I numbly get to my feet and walk out of his office.
“Thank you all for coming,” he says. But I notice he shuts his office door again after Mrs. Reyes, Mrs. Pope, and myself all left.
“I’m sorry, Emma,” Mrs. Reyes says in her thick accent. “If you ever need to talk through everything, please don’t hesitate to come see me. My door is always open.” She gives my hand a squeeze before walking back to her office.
Is she kidding? All of this, everything that happened today, happened because I tried to vocalize my feelings. There is no way I am ever going to share my thoughts and feelings with anyone. Ever again! I’ll just shove them deep down inside of me until one day I explode. Then they can put me in an institution for crazy people. Maybe then I’ll finally get some peace and rest. I don’t know. Sounds like a legit plan to me.
Mrs. Pope then tries to give me a reassuring smile, but it seems very forced. “Oh,” she says. “Here, I got this from Aiden. I am so, so sorry Emma.” She hands me back my phone.
I stand there for a few minutes after she leaves, staring at the tiny torture device. I shove it into my pocket. Then I glance around. My parents are still inside the principal’s office. I can hear raised voices from behind the door. They won’t get fired over this, will they? Why couldn’t I have just stayed invisible?
Chapter Eighteen
I walk down the hallway in a daze. Most of the kids are whispering and pointing in my direction. I glance down as I try and avoid the stares from everyone. But their eyes burn into me, my back scalding as I walk past. Tears prick at my eyes. I blink them back and keep walking. I can’t cry here. I refuse to get emotional and give Taylor even more ammunition to mock me with.
I change as quickly as possible, shoving the crumpled, ruined dress into the bottom of my bag. I feel less conspicuous in my jeans and hoodie, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Everyone is still watching as I hurry to class.
I sit in the back corner of the classroom. Even though it’s 75 degrees in here, I pull up the hood and try my best to hide. I wish I was wearing an invisibility cloak instead. I glance around the room. All eyes are on me, and most of them are laughing. This is Hell. I have died and gone to Hell. I can feel a lump of emotions trying to take up residence in my throat. They’re clogging up my airways and I’m finding it hard to breathe.
The teacher enters the room and, with a stern look, the laughter and chattering stops. But I can still hear it. It rings in my ears for the rest of the period.
I feel my phone buzz and I glance down at it. It’s a new message from Ethan.
is this 4 real? I thot we were in this together?
Wh’d u tell everyone the plan?
find another date for prom. I’m out.
My chest tightens. I shove my phone deep into my backpack. I stare at the wall for the rest of the 90 minutes.
Maybe I should just drop out. That’s it. I’ll go to the principal’s office right after class and tell him I’m backing out ofthe nomination. It’s not like I wanted to be prom queen in the first place. I wonder if I could transfer schools this late in the year. I’m guessing probably not. I can barely feel my feet beneath me as they move my body down the hall. I’m filled with relief as I see Stephanie walking toward me. As always, she knows exactly what I need. To NOT talk about the assembly right now. She starts telling me a funny story that happened in first period, but I can’t concentrate on what she’s saying.
“Earth to Emma, can you hear me?”
I shake my head and try to focus on the story Stephanie is telling me. “Sorry,” I say, looking her square in the eyes. “I’m listening, continue.” But as soon as her mouth opens, I glance around us again.
Clusters of kids are watching me. I begin feeling paranoid, like I’m on a reality TV show or something. Why can’t they all just live their own lives? Why does everyone have to be so concerned with mine?
“Hey Steph,” I whisper. “Is everyone watching me?”
“Don’t be dumb. Why would they_” Stephanie looks around us at the whispering groups of kids. All eyes seem to be looking in our direction. And not in a good way. “Okay yeah, that’s totally creepy,” Stephanie says.
We walk away from them, but the eyes follow us everywhere we go. As we approach the lunchroom, Taylor, Kylee, and Adika are standing in a huddle. “Dear Steve,” Kylee says in a mocking tone.
“Maybe I should tell my mom to get a job here, too, then I’d win for sure,” Taylor adds with a sneer.
