Page 74 of The Perfect Nanny


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“You know, I thought if I went to school for a degree in psychology, I might be able to finally help you both. Even after you kept us, as a family, secluded from society so no one would know that you two tried to run away from incurable mental illnesses, I still loved you unconditionally enough to want to help. I’ve tried so many times, and you just wouldn’t let me. I finally had to give up for my emotional wellbeing. Do you see now what your choices have caused?”

“We see as well as you see, sweetheart,” Mom says.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I snap.

“Haley, come here. Give me a hug,” she says. Her words force me to back up, almost stepping on the small bookshelf holding up the TV.

“No, no. I can’t live like this. I can’t be wrapped up in your denial any longer. I did that for too long.”

Dad tilts his head and narrows his eyes at me. “Is that what you truly believe? That we’re living in a state of denial”

“Yes, Dad. I do. My perception isn’t the one you should be questioning.”

My chest feels like it’s caving in, and my ribs might all collapse. It’s like there’s a knife slicing me into two—one part wanting to love my parents and sit in a state of denial with them, but I would only be hurting them by doing so. If I’ve learned anything throughout my studies, it’s that: only people who want to be helped can be. This is why I plan to work with children. They are far less stuck in their ways.

I pull out my phone from my back pocket and type out a message to Liam.

Me: Are you busy? I’m having a hard day and could use some company.

“How are you going to fix all of your own problems now, Haley?” Dad asks.

“I don’t have the same kind of problems that you do. I can take care of myself, Dad.” It’s painful to say that to my father, but it’s the truth.

Liam: I am bored out of my mind, sitting on the beach under the sunless sky, and would love nothing more than to come keep you company. I can be over in a half hour.

Me: Aw, I’m sorry about the sun, but selfishly happy it’s cloudy. See you soon!

“Where are you going now?” Dad asks as I take steps away from them. “This is it. You show up, make a mess, and leave. That’s what you always do.”

FORTY-THREE

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14TH 1:00 PM

With Willa at work for the lunch shift, I’m reminded again that I still need to find a job. Of course, the second I think this situation with the Smiths is over, I get sucked right back in. If I had a job this past week, I would have had to call out so many times that I would have gotten fired already. Although if I hadn’t chosen to work with the Smith family in the first place, none of this would be happening.

“I still can’t believe the little girl said someone told her to hide the baby,” Liam says.

“Madden,” I remind him. “It’s like she snapped under pressure. Not that I could blame her.”

“But she didn’t say who told her to do this?” Liam asks, scanning my notes as if he’s trying to put the puzzle together too.

“No, after her confession, the judge stopped the arraignment so the attorneys could question the family.”

“Are you surprised they didn’t ask you to stay since they’ve asked you to be there during the previous questioning?”

This is the part that scares me, but I’d rather not admit so out loud and plant any ideas in Liam’s head. They wouldn’t ask me to stay for the questioning if they thought Madden might tell Jared that I was the one who told her to hide Fallon. Thoughthat wouldn’t make any sense since it’s clear Fallon went missing before I arrived at their house.

“The new set of questions predates my arrival so I can see why they wouldn’t ask me to be there.”

Liam sighs and places my notepad down on the coffee table. “Well, I think that’s a good thing for you.”

“I hope so.” But that’s only one good thing. The situation with my parents this week isn’t something I want to get into with Liam, especially on top of all the other activities. He emanates a force of light, and I, a restless moth, am desperate for an illusion of guidance.

A sign from above agrees with Liam as the clouds break apart outside, allowing the sun to fill the apartment. He stands up from the couch as if he’s drawn toward the light and unlocks the balcony slider to step outside. “It’s beautiful out here.”

I follow him out onto the balcony, shielding my eyes from the late afternoon sun. He leans against the metal railing and takes in a deep breath. “Do you think I’d be here right now if you hadn’t ended up in the middle of a criminal case?” His question is somewhat serious though a hint of a smile is present.

“Are you asking if I would have continued talking to you if my life hadn’t gone haywire that first night I was on the job?” If I recall I sent him the first message and it took him a day to respond, and that was before this all went down.

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