Page 83 of The Perfect Nanny


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I’m not sure which startles me more…what I don’t see, or the additional knock that rattles through my bones. I stumblebackward as thunder claps out in the back. Storm clouds cover the sky and rain begins to hammer down. I race to the balcony and close the wide curtain.

Static buzzes around the apartment and the cable box whines as it shuts down. The power’s out.

FIFTY

THURSDAY, JUNE 29TH 9:00 AM

The effects of prolonged stress can cause sleep deprivation and high blood pressure, which can then lead to cognitive impairment, and reduced coping abilities. That is my self-diagnosis for my current state. Psychology professionals should never self-diagnose, but it’s hard to avoid while I’m living alone in this apartment that feels like it’s getting smaller by the day.

Not only is the silence getting to me, but someone is getting a kick out of knocking on my door several times a day before running off. I can’t see who they are, so I assume it’s a child standing just below the peephole of my door. But why? I don’t know any of the children in my apartment building, and there are a dozen other doors in this hallway to go knock on. Maybe they’re knocking on everyone else’s too.

The silence should have been a good landscape for working on my case study, but for every sentence I write, I delete two more. I just can’t seem to center my mind. All I keep thinking about is the fact that there isn’t one person left in my life who I can still trust. I could probably write a case study about what it might feel like to be the last living person on the planet.

I tap the screen of my phone again for the twentieth time in the past hour, finding it finally time to leave.

When a person has nothing left to lose, they are less concerned about consequences, which is my reason for leaving this apartment for the first time in the last few days. I pinch my purse beneath my arm and lower my sunglasses over my eyes as I scramble down the hall and out to the exterior stairs. The parking lot is mostly empty at this hour, and as an added bonus, I’d managed to snag a parking spot a few steps away from the stairwell landing after I made a quick trip to the grocery store on Monday.

The air conditioning blasts from the vents, giving me an instant shiver. Lately, if I’m not overly hot, I’m cold, and if I’m not shivering, I’m sweating. I’m wired as if I’ve had too much caffeine but I haven’t had a coffee or soda in weeks. This hearing must be the end. There must be a verdict today.

I only wish a definitive verdict would resolve my sources of stress. If Liam isn’t found guilty, he might come after me again. Lara and Corbin could come after me too.

The nervous tremble in my hands has become a side effect of living through this past month, but I still notice the unsteady grip as I go to unlatch my seatbelt then open my car door. It’s the moment I silently pray no one is waiting outside for me, begging to play this game of cat and mouse that I keep losing.

“What are you doing here?”

The words make me scream and cup my hand over my mouth to quiet the unnecessary sound I’ve made. Her shadow covers the sun blinding me as I step out of my car. I grab the door to steady myself as my heart thrashes against the inside of my chest.

“I’m going to ask you the same question,” I say, peering over my shoulder at Willa, whose keys are dangling from her finger. “I thought you fell off the face of the earth.”

“I snuck down here because I knew you’d be here, and I wanted to be with you.”

“You snuck down here? Who are you sneaking away from?”

Willa scoffs and mumbles: “Jerry begged me to give you some space until all this stuff blows over. I argued with him about it, but he got really upset and?—”

“You don’t have to explain,” I say. I’d already assumed where I stood in her life now. I lock my car and cross the sidewalk across from the courthouse.

“Hales, wait. I’m coming with you.”

“You shouldn’t lie to Jerry about where you are. I didn’t think you would care,” I say, adding a question to my statement.

“Please, let me be with you,” she says, whining as if I’m being too hard on her. She steps up beside me and tries to grab my hand, but I pull away. “Don’t go into the courthouse alone,” she says, stepping in closer.

“You’ve never pushed me away before,” I tell her.

“I didn’t push you away,” she argues. She did. Maybe she’s just outgrown our friendship. I suppose I can understand considering the circumstances this past month.

“The trial is open to the public,” I reply.

Willa holds her pace beside me as we walk into the courthouse and up to the metal detectors, waiting our turn to put our bags on the conveyor belt. “I don’t understand why you suddenly care to be by my side,” I whisper.

“Because you’re my bestie,” she coos. As much as I want to let out a groan, I sweep her comment off my shoulder. “You still like him, don’t you?”

Her question makes me halt. I twist to face her. “What kind of sick question is that? That man is obviously deranged.” It still pains me to say that about Liam and it shouldn’t. It’s been hard enough to come to terms with the fact that he was the same person I woke up next to that morning as the one I went to bed with the night before.

I want to believe Lara manipulated Liam to take part in this scheme and that he was too weak to turn away from his only living flesh-and-blood. Lara must have messed with his mind just like she did with Madden’s, making them believe whatever they’re doing is in everyone’s best interest, when it might only be in Lara’s. She’s always been a selfish person; self-centered with an untouchable ego that’s big enough to squash the world around her. Regardless of what she’s capable of, Liam is still a man of his own mind and actions.

“Are you still thinking about him? Do you miss him, maybe?” Willa asks, keeping her voice quiet and her face filled with hesitation. She should have considered not asking what was on her mind.

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