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I shake my head and peer over my shoulder, coming face to face with the cement wall. “No, not you, sorry. I thought I heard something.”I hear it all the time. That teasing laughter directed at me.Madden is staring at me with confusion, and I feel questions brewing. “Tell me what the idea was? What did your uncle Billy suggest?”
Madden tilts her head to the side. “You mean Uncle Liam? Mom and Dad only call him Billy when they’re making fun of him.”
“Yes, sorry, Uncle Liam,” I correct myself. My lungs tighten and I might as well be breathing through a straw with how thick the air is down here.
Madden lets out a sigh. “I guess he saw your name in an ad you posted, saying you were looking for a nanny job for the summer. He said it must have been a sign because you were the perfect person to blame. Uncle Liam said that your family still owed them for what happened to their family. I don’t really know what that means though.”
It means Uncle Liam hasn’t learned what happens when you pour gasoline on a flame. A roll of thunder booms overhead, vibrating through the floor. I look up at the shallow ceiling.
Liam must have thought I was a piece of low-hanging fruit that could be easily nailed for the crime. He thought the same thing thirteen years ago when he wanted to prove to his friendshow tough and mean he could be to the girl everyone already picked on.
Some men never mature with age, and he must have thought I am as naïve today as I was thirteen years ago.
He didn’t consider that I might figure out who he was…
He had me fooled. I didn’t recognize him with the scruffy long hair, the man’s body versus a scrawny teenager, and a head taller than he was. I haven’t seen him in all this time because he and his family moved to another town after the fire. He must take me for an idiot, falling for his trap.
I close my eyes and try to take in a deep, calming breath. “Oh.” I’m not sure what to say to Madden. On the one hand her parents were trying to spare her from what they seem sure she has done. On the other, Lara jumped at the chance to try and ruin my life again for her own gain.
“So, you brought Fallon down here, but told them she had drowned?” I ask.
Madden pulls at the ruffles lining the bottom of her nightgown. “Yes, I told them she was gone forever—just like Mommy wanted. And, I did try to drown her, but she screamed so loud that I got too scared to stay there so I took her to hide here instead, but they don’t know that.”
“That’s when they blamed me,” I say, feeling the need to reiterate this story as it sloshes through my mind like a riptide.
“I told them it was my fault that Fallon was gone, but they screamed at me and told me to be quiet. They told me never to tell anyone what I had done, or I would be punished for the rest of my life. That’s why I didn’t say anything when they blamed you.”
“I wouldn’t have either.” It’s one thing to do something spiteful to a mean person, but it’s another to use them as bait for a crime. “I understand the way you feel,” I tell her. “What’s important is that we take care of ourselves, no matter what wedo in life. No one will protect us like we protect us. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, I think so,” she says.
“Madden, the police already know I have nothing to do with Fallon’s disappearance. Your only option to save yourself from getting into trouble or caught, is to blame your uncle Liam. I know it might sound confusing, but it will keep you safe from a lifetime of being in trouble.”
Madden hesitates, taking a deep breath. “I can’t do that to him. He’s a good uncle. He’s nicer than Mommy.”
Of course he is, but he isn’t as conniving as her. “Well, what if I told you your mommy and uncle were the real reason their sister died in that house fire before you were born. They were mean and bad things happen to mean people.” Maybe they didn’t light the match, but they certainly didn’t expect a consequence for their actions. Ruining one person’s life should be repaid with another life. It’s only fair.
“I don’t want something bad to happen to me,” she says, her breath hitching in her throat.
“It won’t if you do what I’m about to tell you. Okay?”
“Okay.” Madden nods without hesitation. People like Madden and I say we love the people who are close to us, but I’m not sure we truly love in the same way as others. Love can force a person to put someone else before themselves, giving up their wellbeing for the sake of another. That isn’t survival. Our minds run on survival mode and survival means keeping oneself safe at whatever cost. We can only ever depend on ourselves.
“All you have to say is: Your uncle told you to hide Fallon because your mom was being mean to her. It was the only way to keep her safe and you wanted to protect your sister from your mom. But then after you hid her, she was gone when you went back for her, and you don’t know what happened. You were just following your uncle’s instructions so maybe he’s the one whois keeping her safe from your mom.” Until then, I can play his game. In fact, I can play it better than he can.
Madden’s eyes light up, knowing this is the solution to her problems. “If I do this, I won’t get in trouble?”
“No, you won’t,” I tell her. “How about I take Fallon home with me until it’s time for you to tell the truth about your uncle. Then I will take Fallon to his house so your story all lines up.”
“You would do that for me? Because, the truth is, I’m glad Fallon didn’t die, but I wish my mom did. I don’t think she deserves to be alive. She’s mean to everyone.”
Madden reminds me of myself. “Yes, of course I will help you.” Madden is suffering with symptoms of conduct disorder and Lara and Corbin think they are helping her by displacing her behavior onto others. They’re right. They are helping her. She’ll be stronger for this. Except their reason is to protect their image, fearful others might think their daughter isn’t up to standard. They may never realize she’s beyond any form of perfect.
People like us will always be the ones who survive at the end. It’s a skill many don’t have. Forms of psychosis aren’t a disability, they’re an ability to think in ways most can’t imagine.
“Can we stay friends?” Madden asks me. “No one has ever been so nice to me before. I like you a lot.”
“Of course, we can,” I tell her. I hope if I have a daughter someday, she will be just as sweet. “But right now, your dad is outside looking for whoever made a sound. I’m going to distract him after I put Fallon in my car. When you hear him run after me, you need to get back into your house and get upstairs to your bedroom before anyone sees you aren’t in bed, okay?”
