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Not a day for wandering the grounds, and Damen hadn’t appeared in my vicinity since outside the maze the day before, so I found myself in the library, going through the shelves. Many of the tomes I remembered being in there. Many more I did not.
Just one more thing lost to the abyss.
I plucked two books from the shelves. One a murder-mystery-romance-shapeshifter mash-up and one examining the blunders of wars in the twentieth century. Polar opposites, and I was going to have to open up both of them and start reading to find out what mood I was really in.
Tucking the books under my arm, I paused on the way out of the library to disappear into my room as I realized that I may as well grab a book on astrophysics to put me to sleep tonight. My eyes always dropped on their own accord when an astrophysicist got to talking about black holes.
I moved to and stopped in front of the science section of the library, scanning the spines of the books.
Footsteps thudded into the room. “Oh.”
The instant energy that always started popping in the air around me when Damen got close prickled the skin on the back of my arms.
I spun around to see he’d stopped by the door, a set of papers held in front of him that he’d presumably been looking at as he stepped into the library.
His right hand came up, palm to me. “I will leave you be.”
“This is your home, Damen.” I walked toward him, aimed at the doorway behind him. “I will leave.”
I veered to the left to step around him and he took a sidestep to the right, blocking my path. “Stay and get whatever book you were looking for, Ada.” He glanced toward the shelves I’d been looking at. “An astrophysics book for sleeping?”
My breath caught hard in my lungs.
Damn him.
Damn him for knowing that tiny little boring fact about me. For wielding it like the sharpest augentrum steel blade slicing into my chest. He shouldn’t know things like that—shouldn’t remember them.
I glanced over my shoulder. “It is fine.” I tapped the books tucked under my arm. “These are fine.”
His mouth opened as though he was about to say something more, but then he stepped aside, silent, shifting out of my way.
I moved past him, but right before I stepped beyond the threshold of the library, I paused, my hand going to the doorframe as I looked back to him. Why, I wasn’t entirely sure, for I had no business starting any conversation with him at the moment.
But I needed to know. Needed to know everything he wasn’t telling me. Needed to know exactly what was coming for me here, for the waiting in the silent bubble he’d put me in was excruciating.
“Damen.” My voice was soft, just above a whisper, but it got his attention and he set his stare on me.
My mouth opened and closed several times in silence as I searched his face. Searched for the warmth he once looked at me with. “Did you think about us—what we were to each other—at all in the last four years?”
The slightest flinch creased the edges of his eyes. “I did.”
I nodded, slow. “I did as well. Ever fucking day. Every fucking hour.”
His countenance didn’t flicker away from stoicism. “And what did you think?”
My hand on the doorframe moved upward, gripping the wood tight, my knuckles popping white as I leaned my head against the back of my hand and turned more fully to him. “That I didn’t know if I would ever not be terrified of you. Terrified of all the secrets you held of mine.” I heaved a breath. “But also, that I missed your touch on me. Missed what I thought we had, even if it never really existed.”
“Why do you think it never existed?”
My shoulders lifted. “You lied to me. Lied to me the entire time—all you ever wanted was to keep me here until your brother arrived.”
His eyebrows lifted. “And you didn’t lie?”
“No.”
“Liar. Again. Everything you did here was a lie. You knew what you were capable of and you never confessed to it.”
“And you told me everything about who you were? About what you had planned? About what you have planned now?” My hand dropped from the doorframe and I took a step toward him. “I’m still wandering around here, wondering when Cletus will walk in the front door. Jumping at every sound. Imagining him dragging me down to one of your torture chambers.”
