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My mom’s final moments flashed before my eyes, and I took the bottle from Jackson and topped up my drink.
“You might want to be careful with that,” Jackson said. “It’s fifty-seven percent alcohol.”
I took a sip — the added liquor had made the drink extra strong again, and I forced myself not to react, but my voice was thin from the burning sensation in my throat.
“Good.”
We sat quietly for a while. I was too tired to argue, and anyway, Jackson was right — wewereall going to die one day. The only problem was, none of us knew when.
He looked as thoughtful as I was. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed his drink and his blue eyes gazed at the wall.
The alcohol made me feel warm. Jackson’s huge hands rested on his thighs and all I wanted right now, in this moment, was to have those hands on my bare skin. I moved closer to him, straddled his thigh, and kissed him.
He kissed me back, and his lips tasted like the scotch we’d just drank. His hands found my shoulders, and I tugged at my shirt, trying to pull it off. Feeling the heat from his body through my clothes wasn’t enough — I needed to feel our naked skin sliding together and his cock inside me.
“What’s gotten into you?” Jackson asked, his grip on my shoulders growing firm as he straightened his elbows and held me at a distance.
“I want you to fuck me,” I said, straining my neck to kiss him again. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“The only thing that’s obvious is that you’ve had a rough day,” Jackson said. “And that maybe the alcohol was a bad idea.”
I gaped at him. Was he rejecting me? After everything we’d already done together?
An intrusive thought overtook all the others. Was he rejecting me because I wasbad in bed?
It was all I could think as Adrian unlocked the security door and came inside. He took one look at Jackson and me on the couch, and threw his hands up.
“Don’t let me interrupt anything,” he said, misinterpreting the situation as a sexual one. “I’m just here for a shower.” He disappeared down the hallway as I stared squarely into Jackson’s blue eyes.
“You don’t want to fuck me?” I asked in a small voice.
“I do, I really do,” Jackson sighed. His hands relaxed, and he gazed at me. “But you’re vulnerable right now, and I feel like I’d be taking advantage of you.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” I insisted, as I leaned in for another kiss. “You’d be helping me process my emotions.”
Jackson was stronger than I was. Despite my best efforts to stay where I was, he gently steered me away, so I was on the couch and he could stroke my hair.
“I’ve been there,” he said. “When I was fired from the law firm, all I wanted to do was lose myself in a haze of sex and alcohol, and that’s exactly what I did for a while. But you know what?” He let his hand drift down to my collarbone. “It doesn’t work. It makes you feel better in the moment, and worse overall.”
“I’d be fine with feeling better in the moment,” I said, as I ran my fingers up his thigh. But Jackson shook his head.
“I don’t want you associating me with these feelings,” he said. “And Ididpromise Xavier that I wouldn’t take advantage of you.”
I poured another shot of the brown liquid and swallowed it quickly. It still burned, but not as much as it had a few minutes earlier.
“What if it was me dying from cancer?” I asked. “Would you fuck me then?”
“It’s not,” Jackson said, his voice unwaveringly patient. “You’re not dying. And it sounds like your friend might not either. You’re alive and well, and if you feel like this when you wake up tomorrow, you’re welcome to climb into bed with me.”
It was all too much: Helen, Nathan, and now being rejected by a man who steadfastly refused to sleep with me. Tears streamed down my face, and Jackson wrapped his strong arms around me and rested his chin on my head.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Let it all out.”
33
XAVIER
The shop was empty and the main lights were off, but I’d switched one of the lamps on so I could see well enough to work. I stretched my piece of fake skin with one hand while I used the other to work on the tattoo, working slowly.
