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It’s her shield, and I see that now. I allowed it to fool me when I shouldn’t have, and because of it, I’ve lost enough time. We both did. Then again what time is it we would have had? I refuse to allow someone to deal with what is my past. Hell, my own family doesn’t know everything, and they’re a part of it.
The only ones to know the truth are my brothers, grandfather, and father. The way I see it, it’ll stay that way. I don’t want anyone else to know the rest.
Still, when it comes to Bristol, she’s under my skin, and there’s no working her out. She’s in deep, and honestly, I don’t know if I want to get her out. Maybe I can have her and keep her from learning everything. Or keep my past from coming for her.
“You need to leave, Beast.” Bristol sets her wine glass in the sink and spins to face me, arms crossing under her breast, and the movement pushes them upward. My mouth waters to get my mouth on them again . . . to taste that sweetness I can only imagine between her thighs.
“Not leaving, Butterfingers, so get the thought out of your head. We’ve got shit to sort out.”
“No, we don’t,” she huffs, shakes her head and drops her arms. “We don’t have anything to discuss. I’m nothing to you, and same goes for you.”
“That’s a fuckin’ lie and you know it.” I’m not about to let her lie to me or to herself. Closing the distance between the two of us, I wrap an arm around her waist, and my fingers go into her hair, holding her in place. “There’s always been something between us, even if we ignored it, Bristol, and I’m not going to let you ignore it any longer.”
“You won’t let me ignore it?” she whispers, blinks, and narrows her gaze as she presses her hands against my chest and shoves. “Let go of me, asshole.” I don’t budge, but she doesn’t let up, she keeps shoving me. “You’ve got some nerve saying that to me. It wasn’t me who ignored you,” she all but shouts.
“Like I said, we’ve got shit to sort out, and we’re doing that starting right fuckin’ now,” I inform her, letting her hair go and wrapping my fingers around her wrists, stilling her from shoving me further. “Why did you tell me to leave that day in the hospital?”
Bristol stills in my arms, her body going tense. Eyes wide. Lips parting. Her breathing shallow.
“Why are you asking that?”
I don’t think she means to ask, but she does, and I’m going to answer.
“Because I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t want to leave you alone after what you’d just been through, but you told me to leave, that you didn’t want to see me.”
Bristol starts shaking in my arms, and I tighten my grip on her, hoping to still the shakes from her body, but it doesn’t work. Letting go of her wrists, I scoop her in my arms and carry her through the house. Without asking her, I find her room and move right to the bed, where I lay her in the middle and stretch out next to her, my arm still wrapped around her.
“Talk to me, Brissy. Why did you want me to leave you?”
“I didn’t want you to. Not really. I didn’t want you to see me like that. Not after finding me the way you did. I was embarrassed.”
I close my eyes and release a heavy sigh, feeling a weight slowly lift off my shoulders. It is one of many things that have sat on me for a long time. That one, though, was a heavy one, and I knew, some part of me damn well knew, that was the damn reason she didn’t want to see me. Fuck. If I could go back and kill Porter, I would. The bastard died way too easily. The fire he’d started was meant to kill him and Josephine. He’d been obsessed with her and didn’t like that she was my brother’s woman. Why he hurt Bristol, I’ll never understand, but he hurt her when he couldn’t get his hands on Josie, and that alone makes me want to bring him back from the dead and gut him like the piece of shit he was.
For Bristol, thinking of what happened to her as embarrassment guts me, but I can at least fix what I should have done all those months ago rather than walking away the way I did.
CHAPTER 6
BRISTOL
Nervously, I lick my bottom lip, wanting to kick myself for allowing myself to not only enjoy the kiss Beast and I shared a bit ago, which I’m blaming on the wine I’ve consumed tonight, but also that I admitted what I just did. Again, I’m blaming it on the wine. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done either.
At least that’s the story I’ll keep telling myself. Otherwise, I might have to admit something else altogether, and I’m definitely not going there. Nope. No way.
The way Beast handled my mother didn’t help, and then there’s the way he spoke to my sister about helping her if she were ever to decide to finally get out of the hell she’s living in. But I honestly don’t know if she ever will. My sister is a people pleaser. I don’t think she had a chance to be anything else. Or ever will. She’s allowed my mother to dictate her entire life, and I don’t know why. If I did, maybe then I’d have been closer to Giselle. I might have even respected her rather than kept my distance.
What I don’t get is why my mother seems to think that she has any say when it comes to my trust fund. She has no say in the matter. Not now. I’m an adult, and if I wanted to use it, I could. There’s nothing in it that says I have to have her permission to use it. Granted, I didn’t use it at all, but still, what’s it matter to her?
“I shouldn’t have left. Should have demanded to stay with you, but I didn’t,” Beast says softly. “That’s on me, and I’ll have to deal with it still, I’m not letting it get between us. Not anymore. We’ve got a lot to go over, and we’re not gonna get to it all in one day, which is okay. We’ve got time. What matters right now is that we talk about it, what the fuck your mother was talking about, and how the hell did you hide the fact you came from money?”
“I didn’t hide it.” I shrug. “I just didn’t talk about it.” This is true. The best way to forget about something like this is to just not talk about it. You don’t talk about having money, then people won’t treat you like you are. I also don’t rub my nose at this fact. I would prefer to be broke as dirt than have all the money in the world if it were my decision.
“I get that,” he grunts and gives my waist a squeeze. “Now, what did your mother mean?”
“She seems to think she can choose who my siblings and I are to marry. She might have gotten her claws in Giselle, but there’s no way Ben or I are doing what she wants. Sure, my brother is working for our dad, but that’s because he loves what he does. As for the courting BS, he’s told me he’s dating a woman that he’s actually in love with. According to him, she’s funny and makes him laugh. There’s no way he’d allow our mother to push a woman on him he doesn’t want. Besides, Dad has told all of us that if it’s not something we want, then so be it. He’s more down to earth, but he does have his moments. Usually, that revolvesaround financial decisions. Not personal, unless it’s something that will reflect on him in a way he wouldn’t approve of.”
“Like you being with a man from a motorcycle club?”
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t like my brother-in-law because he knows what’s happening to my sister but can’t do anything about it due to who the family is,” I answer truthfully and suck in a breath. “Our mom wanted to become one of the top families in society, I guess you can say. She’s worked at it, making sure that arrangements were made for her daughters to marry powerful men.”
