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The screams wake her up as the plane rocks and rolls violently and she’s thrown sideways in her seat. Immediately, she grabs for me, clutching my arm tightly. Her nails dig into my bicep so hard it hurts, but I don’t mind. In fact, I quite like it. I like the fact that she reaches out for me; I like that she considers me someone she can depend on and trust to keep her safe.
“Jaxon!” she cries, confused, afraid.
I wrap my arm around her, trying to comfort her. I don’t need her freaking out on me right now.
“It’s okay, it’s just a bit of turbulence,” I croon gently, wanting to reassure her.
“I don’t like turbulence,” she shrieks, crashing against me as the plane lurches and jolts again. I tighten my arm around her, pulling her closer, holding her steady.
“It will be okay, Jade. I promise.” I hold her securely, keeping her still in the midst of all the bumping around. Hopefully if I can hold her still, she’ll calm down and relax. I want her to feel safe. I want her to know that she can rely on me to always be there for her. I know she’s been let down by people in the past, but I want it to be different for her now. Everyone needssomeone they can trust to just be there. Always. Jade deserves that, too.
She’s still panicking. I can see it on her face, in the stiffness of her body, in the whiteness of her knuckles as she clutches me with one hand and the armrest with the other. I can hear it in her near-hyperventilating breaths.
“Deep breaths,” I coach her. “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. It will help.”
She looks doubtful, but she gives it a shot, sucking air in loudly then blowing it out with a whoosh, sounding a bit like a horse. She looks a bit ridiculous, but I’m not going to tell her that right now because I don’t want her to stop. She needs something to focus on besides the plane that’s still bouncing around like it’s going to get tossed out of the sky at any moment.
“Keep going, that’s it. In. Out. In. Out.”
She squeezes her eyes tightly closed, digs her nails into my bicep a bit more, and follows my instructions. For once. I’m not naïve enough to believe that she’s always going to be this obedient.
“Helping?”
She nods. And she definitely does seem somewhat calmer. Whether it was the breathing exercises that did it or the fact that the plane seems to be rocking less now, I’m not sure. But she’s calmer. That’s the main thing.
My arm is still around her shoulders, and I rub my hand up and down her arm reassuringly. I’m proud of her, the way she’s facing everything so bravely. She’s struggled. But she’s overcome it. Lesser women than she is would still be falling apart right about now.
She looks up into my face, a lone tear tracking down her cheek. I reach up and wipe it away with my thumb, smiling softly at her.
“Don’t cry, Jade. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” she whispers furiously, her eyes sparkling. “Why are you pretending to care? You don’t care about me. We both know that, but by pretending to, you’re confusing me. It’s not fair.”
“I care,” I correct her.
With a violent twist, she wrenches herself away from me and leans as far back from me as she can possibly get without sitting on the lap of the lady next to her.
“No, you don’t!” she hisses. “If you did, you would have comforted me after smacking my ass! You wouldn’t have just tried to hurt me as much as possible and then dragged me back to my seat with no consideration for my feelings.” Her furious glare ratchets up a notch and she spews more venom at me: “You didn’t treat me with anything like tenderness, then. All you wanted to do was hurt me, under the guise of teaching me a lesson. But really, all you wanted to do was bully me into submission. As long as I behave, all is good, right?” She shakes her head. “That’s not caring, Jaxon. And don’t pretend it is. That’s just being a controlling asshole.”
There’s so much I could say in response, but I bite it back. I don’t want her to know how much her words hurt. There’s truth in them, and that’s probably what hurts the most. She’s right: I didn’t take her feelings into consideration at all, I just wanted her to behave, no matter what, and I went to the lengths I had to, to obtain her obedience. If she had obeyed a lot sooner, her punishment would have been a lot less. In my eyes, that’s not abad thing, it’s just how it is. But obviously in her eyes, it’s not only bad, but almost some kind of a betrayal. A betrayer is the last thing I want her to see me as. I want to gain her trust. I run my hand through my hair in frustration. I need her obedience, and I need her trust. Both of those are non-negotiable things. And obviously I’ve been going the wrong way about getting it.
The plane bounces and rocks wildly again and I reach out to steady Jade. She’s clearly not used to the turbulence, and she goes flying forward in her seat. She doesn’t look happy, and I think secretly, she’s glad I’ve got hold of her. Even when the wild rocking steadies, the plane doesn’t fly smoothly, it still bounces and rolls, like a ball tossed with the wind. Jade’s been bracing herself, her eyes shut, but now she looks up at me helplessly.
“I feel sick.”
“Hang on.” I reach down into the duffel bag stuffed under the seat and rummage through it. The ginger lollies that have been a lifesaver so many times to me over the years seemed to help her before. Maybe they’ll work their magic again now. I fish them out and pass her the packet. “Here.”
“Thanks.”
Her smile is miserable, but I can tell she’s trying to show her gratitude. I sense a grudging respect for me now. A sort of respect, anyway. Maybe not the type of respect I want, precisely, but there’s definitely something there inside her that is, if not totally respectful, pretty glad I’m here. I think she’s warming to me.Or maybe you’re kidding yourself,my cynical inner voice pipes up. But I push it away. I think we’re forming a kind of truce, anyway.
She unwraps the lolly, puts it in her mouth, and leans back against the seat, her eyes closed again, looking much more relaxed now that the turbulence has eased once more.
“Lean on me and go back to sleep,” I suggest. “The flight will go much faster if you sleep.”
She looks at me like I’m insane.
“Why would I do that?” she asks, sounding horrified.
