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Sighing, I slide the letter back into the envelope and press my lips to it. It used to smell like him. He started spraying the envelope with this god awful ax spray that was overpowering butfor some reason I loved it. The smell has disappeared over the years but if I close my eyes and inhale deeply I can remember exactly what it smelled like..musky wintergreen. I have to force the tears not to fall as I tuck it back into the box.
I wish I could change things. I wish I could go back to that night and kill Rodrigo…after he took my innocence. Because then I would still have my sweet boy and I would have gotten rid of my monster. Does that make me a complete freak? To know that I wouldn't change what he did to me because I got Aiden out of it?
But I still can't remember what happened at the end of the night or who found me. The last thing that I remember of that terrible night was Rodrigo staring down at me with a manic grin before I passed out from the blood loss. Maybe it’s a good thing I can’t remember everything. I have enough trauma and issues from what Icanremember. Adding more might kill me.
But now I have to deal with the fallout of that. Of not being strong enough to slay my dragon when I had the chance. I wanted to be the girl who could say she didn’t need someone to save her. The woman who was strong enough to face her fears without holding anyone’s hand. Looks like now I will finally get my chance.
Chapter 17
Wolf
"Denial is the heart's way of wearing armor. It's the silent whisper that tells us to guard our feelings, to shield them from the harsh truths we're not ready to face. But in this fortress we build, we often imprison ourselves, denying not just our pain, but our capacity to truly feel, heal, and love again." - Unknown
Ifind Dakota holed up in her office after I spent the afternoon with Aiden. She's sitting behind her computer, her fingers flying over the keyboard with practiced precision. It's so interesting to see that kind of talent in person. I’ve watched movies with hackers and now that I have seen that shit in person? It definitely does capture how amazing it really is.
Seeing Dakota in her element, lost in the rhythm of her work, is a sight that never fails to impress me. Her dedication, and the way she immerses herself in whatever task is at hand, speaks volumes about her character.
Yet, as I stand at the door to her office, something feels off. The usually vibrant energy that surrounds her seems dimmed, her smile not quite as quick or bright as I'm used to. The flickerof worry that she might be having second thoughts about us worms its way into my thoughts, unwelcome but persistent.
Right when I’m about to overthink this entire situation she gives me a small smile. That smile is like a beacon, pulling me straight to her. And, hell, I don't fight it at all. I go right to her, planting a kiss on her plush lips. When she kisses me back with a sigh I can't help but feel a surge of victory.
"Hey, beautiful," I say, my words muffled against her lips. Fuck, I think I could kiss her all damn day and never get bored. I pull a bag of mini peanut butter cups from behind my back and hold them out for her.
She spins her chair around and snatches the candy with a little giggle. She immediately cracks it open and pops a few candies into her mouth with a happy sigh. Her giddy smile's contagious, “Hey, handsome.”
“How’s work going?” I ask, glancing up at the coding that is running on the screens behind her.
She shrugs and pops some candy in her mouth with a sigh, “It’s fine. Just getting some records for Spence.”
Why does it feel like she’s sad? Or..confused? I don’t know but something just feels off. Like she is focusing on the work but her head is elsewhere. She isn’t talkative most times but right now her silence feels suffocation.
As I make myself comfortable on the couch, stretching my legs and sinking into the cushions, I can't help but watch her, the way her fingers fly over the keyboard with purpose. The glow from the screens casts a soft light on her face. She’s so goddamn beautiful. Someday I want the chance to see her face when she knows that there are no more demons chasing her. I want to see what she looks like when she is at peace and carefree.
After a moment, she glances back at me, a playful curiosity in her eyes. "What about you? How is your day?" she asks,genuinely interested as she turns away from her screens and gives me her complete attention.
I chuckle, leaning back and crossing my arms behind my head. “It was really good. I spent the morning with Seb, we did a few workouts. Then I spend the afternoon with Aid, getting my ass kicked at that new game he’s obsessed with,” I say, a smirk playing on my lips.
Her chuckle is a melody in the quiet space, and she shakes her head, amused. You can physically see how much she loves her sign. Just the mention of Aiden has her eyes lighting up with pride.
"Is that so? And here I thought you spent your day saving kittens from trees and helping old ladies cross the street." She teases.
I wag a finger at her. “Hey now, I deserve a day to relax with my new best friend.”
She rolls her eyes playfully, a smile playing on her full lips. “Best friend, huh?”
“Absolutely, I’m his favorite,” I quip, grinning.
She laughs and the sound fills the room and warms me from the inside out. “I think that’s actually Maddy”
“No fucking way," I retort with a pout.
Her laughter fades into a comfortable silence, her eyes are soft and thoughtful. "But seriously, what do you like to do? When you're not forced to babysit?”
I pause, considering the question. It's not often I'm asked about the real me. I only ever spend time with Madd and Seb. The occasional one night stand never really talks and those typically don't end so great anyway. I stopped trying to find comfort and connection in people a long time ago. But with her….I want her to know about me. I want her to see me and like who I am.
"I like the quiet moments," I admit. "Reading a good book, listening to music, or having a beer and playing a video game. I enjoy the simplicity of a quiet morning, a good cup of coffee in hand, watching the world wake up."
She nods, her expression reflective. "I get that. There's something about the early morning before the rest of the world stirs, that feels almost magical. What kind of books do you read?"
