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I’m floating.
No, maybe I’m flying.
I don't really know.
Either way, I am suspended in the air above a beach. There’s no one here except a group of people I know very very well. Aiden is playing in the sand, burying Spencer up to his neck.
His laughter seems to echo in the air. It’s almost like music, tinkling and spreading. The smile on his face has me feeling so much relief. He looks so young and happy…so safe.
Beside them, Wolf is lounging in his swim trunks, laughing at Spencer. Even my brother looks happier than I have seen in years. All three of them are at peace…like they finally have nothing to worry about.
I try to get closer, try to call out for them. But they don't hear me. They don't so much as budge as I call out for them. I just want to go to them. I want to wrap them in my arms and hold them close.
That's when I hear my little boy say something that breaks my heart. “I miss mommy. She would have loved this.”
Spencer’s smile falls and guilt covers his expression, “I’m so sorry…I miss her too.”
“So do I,” Wolf chimes in, his laughter forgotten and a somber expression overtaking his face.
All three of them become deathly still and completely silent. It's like they are frozen in time and all I can see is the grief that is painted on their faces.
Aiden looks so sad, a single tear frozen on his cheek as he stares down at the sand. His laughter and joy are long forgotten. He looks like he is frozen in time with grief. Grief I never wanted him to endure.
Spencer looks completely guilty…like he blames himself for living. Like he thinks that Aiden not having a mom is his fault. I never wanted him to feel like this…to blame himself for what happened. I wanted him to live like he deserved.
And Wolf…he looks…broken. Like he lost something irreplaceable.
It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to remember the happy memories. They were supposed to move on and be safe. They were never meant to live a life missing me. I gave my life to them. I wanted them to find peace and safety and love.
No.
No no no.
I try and call to them again.
And again.
And again.
I scream and beg and plead.
But they just stay frozen in time, faces of grief etched into my soul.
Chapter 24
Wolf
“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” - Dale Carnegie
Looking around the sterile hospital room I feel like I'm lost. Spencer hasn't woken up from his surgery yet. Apparently, the stab wound in his stomach hit some pretty vital shit and he nearly died. To make things worse, Aiden has been curled up on the couch in Spencer's hospital room, refusing to so much as leave for food. It’s only been twenty four hours since we arrived and it feels like an eternity.
I hadn't expected the sight of Spencer, bruised and unconscious to be so hard. It's a failure on my part but at the same time, part of me thinks that Dakota would have done the same. She never felt the need to coddle or hide things from Aiden. I'm doing my best to fulfill that same status quo. And I think that no matter how hard it was to see Spencer hurt…Aiden also needed to see his uncle breathing. He needed some of that anxiety to lift with each of his uncles inhales.
I’ve been sitting in a chair right beside Spencer’s bed since the moment we arrived. Maddox and Seb have also been here for most of the twenty four hours. At least up until an hour ago when they decided they needed to eat or they were going to starve. Drama queens - the both of them.
The steady sound of machines beeping has felt like the most beautiful melody. There's something ridiculously comforting about the even rise tones, just knowing that Spence is okay. He’s gonna pull through and then when he wakes up he can tell us what happened. He can give us the information we need to find his sister. I just need him to open his goddamn eyes.
The doctors said it was a mugging, but that doesn't add up at all. He is covered in bruises, some that go back a few days. And he was dropped off at the emergency room door, which is something no mugging perp would do. Seb reviewed the security footage and the guy knew exactly where the cameras were, managing to hide his face from being seen.
