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“Or he just dresses terribly.”
We cackled together for a while longer before she said the quiet part out loud. “Okay, the obligatory,I’ve got a busy life,time has passed, you need to get back to him.”
We decided to keep it short and sweet.
Sure. See you then.
And to the joy of my mother, I didn’t use any emoji’s.
“Tomorrow is Dolly’s checkup. So, I’ll be going straight to the Bark Park, most likely.”
My mother smiled. “Wear muck boots.”
After we hung up, I read back through Eli’s texts. Iwasexcited for the meetup and to see how we all interacted with each other. I closed my eyes, the soft music still playing from the speaker, and Dolly still nestled on my lap on top of the cozy blanket. Eli had nice eyes, and I liked his spitfire personality. I felt we had chemistry, though I’d like to think I preferred someone who didn’t challenge me. I knew deep down that's exactly what Ineeded—someone to bring me out of my shell. My personality was fun-loving and evensillyat times. There were just very few people I’d ever feel comfortable being myself around.
My mind swatted back to Paul in a Manhattan minute. My mother hadn’t brought him up in a while, but it wasn’t as if I hadn’t brought him up myself. I could still feel the weight of my engagement ring from the day I heard that message on my answering machine.
“Hi Katie, it’s Paul. I’m calling from my dad’s phone. Look, we’ve been in a wreck in his plane.” His breathing was heavy, and his mouth sounded like it was full of sand. “I’m hurt.” I could hear mumbling in the background. “I just wanted you to know I love you and I really want to marry you, Katie. I dream about our life together and…I will see you again.”
“End of messages. Press 1 to save. Press 2 to delete. Press 3 to play again.”
It all happened so fast. Paul and his uncle died from their injuries sustained from a small, fixed-wing airplane crash. His father, who’d been the third person on board, survived but was in a coma for three years. Then, one day, just like that, hewoke up.
“It’s like the plot for a movie,” people who knew would always comment. Except for the part where his brother died. And his son, who happened to be my fiancé. And my early chance in life for marital bliss.
But years had slipped by. I was a different person then. It was just as I became a Christian and was learning to feel the love of my Savior. Paul was a remarkable, loving soul. I took comfort in the fact that he believed in the Lord, as I was, since he led me to it and I was attending Paul’s church. The last service I attended there was his funeral. I couldn’t handle the points and whispers from everyone who didn’t know me but knew I was his fiancé.
It was about a year later that I moved a few states away for my current job, but everyone knew it was to get a fresh start—to not be the sad case of the woman whose fiancé died—to now get the chance to be anyone I wanted to be.
There was relief in this move; not knowing anyone, not knowing anyplaces.It meant there weren't painful memories attached to the most mundane activities—that I could go to the corner market just up the street and pick out a loaf of bread without being able to place him there, standing in the checkout line, grabbing me a single rose from the bucket at the register.
Grief was like that for me. I’d been very attached to Paul, of course. We wereengaged. But it wouldn’t let me go. It had its claws in me. Moving was my only solution, and I was relieved that I didn’t face opposition from my mother to do so.
“I totally get it, Katie. You’d better find a futon, though, because I’m going to visit you way too often.” She hugged me, and while we were embracing, I saw the engagement pictures of Paul and me framed on her mantle. I wasn’t the only one who lost Paul, and I couldn’t ask her to take them down.
“Let’s go get your car serviced and check the tires before your big move.” I knew I would miss the friendship I had with her, but truthfully, we spoke so often on the phone and video chatted it was like we were never apart.
CHAPTER 7
DOGGONE GOOD TIME
After I’d been here a year, my mother had casually probed if there was anyone cute at my work—or if I’d met anyone at the new church I’d been attending. I gushed out to her, “Yes! Her name is Judy and she’s 89.”
My mother laughed. “I’m very happy to hear you’re making friends, Katie.”
I knew by the tone in her voice she wanted to ask if I was going to start dating. People from back home would sometimes message me out of the blue on social media and bluntly ask the same thing. At first, I thought I was just a spectacle for them all to see, and they wanted Act 2 of the young widow. I ignored them all until eventually, they stopped messaging me completely.
Until I got Dolly.
That night, when I checked my messages, I had three from people I hadn’t spoken to since Paul died.
Oh my word! YOU got a DOG? I’m so happy for you!
Dolly’s so cute (cute sad emoji)
Wow cute pup, girl. I am so excited n’ hope U bring her back when U visit.
When I visit?“Who said I’m visiting?” I had my reply typed out but didn’t hit send because it wouldn’t have helped anything.
