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It wasn’t until after I appliedtoo muchdark green glitter to my blacksmokeyeyelids that I remembered immediately following the dinner I’d be sitting in a plastic folding chair under the glow of the bright, sterile lighting at the animal shelter. My pink silky top with sequin bangles would give the wrong impression for that setting. I started to panic as I smudged the eyeshadow, needing to take some of it back, but it didn’t want to budge except to slide downward.The migration had already begun into my pores.
Time for eye makeup remover—except after rifling through my drawers for nearly five minutes, I remembered I was out of it, and on the occasion when I had used the remainder, I was in too large of a hurry to add it to my virtual assistant’s list.
CHAPTER 15
A TALE OF TWO KITTIES
Idug through my purse and found my sunglasses. Rarely did I need to utilize them with our rate of rain, but I was thankful to have them as a trip to the drug store was urgently needed.
I momentarily considered wearing a ski mask I’d bought at an off-season sale a few years back. It had only gotten cold enough to wear it a few times since then, but I always experienced strange things when wearing it. Once, I went to the Beany Genie for a coffee, and a small family screamed and ran out when I entered. The man at the cash register dropped his pen that he was using to incorrectly spell names on cups and put his hands in the air. Since no one was ahead of me in line now, I went ahead and ordered my large decaf espresso, no foam, extra whip, three pumps of vanilla, and two pumps of that sugar-free, banana milk latte.
They made it at record speed, all the workers assisting and saying things like "yes ma’am, just one second ma’am.”
When I put the ten-dollar bill on the counter, they all looked at each other suspiciously while the cashier slowly took the bill and counted out the change. He gave it to me with a trembling hand and I nodded, while another barista came over and personally delivered my drink. I took a sip and started to leave when I turned around and hollered out, “Wait!”
Two out of the three baristas fell to the floor for some reason and the cashier had his arms back in the air.
“You gave me an extra dollar back.”
He wouldn’t put his arms back down, so I just laid it on the counter and left.
Add this experience to another time I wore the mask. Someone at the discount store nearly shot me in the rear with a blow dart, only to miss and take out a giant inflatable pool toy display. I remembered telling my mother what had happened, and surprisingly she didn’t bat an eye despite nearviolenceoccurring.
“What caliber blow dart was it?” Was her only question.
“Uh... How in the world would I know!? They blew it out of a straw-like contraption. I saw it on the ground afterward.”
Didn’t she care that it nearly took out mybackside?
She didn’t miss a beat. “How fast did the inflatable go down? Slow and steady or did it nearly burst?”
“I don’t know. It fizzled, I guess.”
“My guess, it was a .40c but without seeing the wreckage of the inflatable whale, I can’t say for certain. But don’t worry. Though this is a more common occurrence than you’d expect, I don’t think it has anything to do with society's disdain for your butt. I told you to throw thosebohopants out. They make you look like you're wearing a diaper.”
Now as I considered the ski mask again, I was starting to think it was bad luck. Realizing it would still show my eyes anyway, I decided to leave it at home.
“Dolly, I’ll be right back.”
She looked up at me from her cozy bed and broke into a wide yawn.
I grabbed my pink raincoat, threw it over my black jeans, and slipped on the muck boots that were still by my door. I was wearing a white t-shirt with the word “YES” written on it from one of those inspirational seminars that Judy found in our area last year that promised you would leave with a new extroverted attitude towards life. Much to Judy’s dismay, the lessons didn’t stick, but I did find a renewed strength in my desire to never go to a seminar again—or be anywhere that group chanting might occur. Now, the free promotional shirt made a greatbuffer for protecting my skin from the fallout of hair coloring, toilet scrubbing and loose glitter applications, as most of those chores had splash back. The sooner you learned that the better off you’d be.
It was now a tactical mission to the drugstore. I would be in and out, I assured myself as I stomped down the stairs and sprinted for my car, noticing that the sky was too dark for the sunglasses I wore. No one would see me. “Everyone’s at work,” I whispered as I started my car and backed out of my spot.
A man walked in the distance had Eli’s build. I drove hastily away. “That was a close one.” I wouldn’t want him to see me wearing night makeup when I told him we weren’t leaving the house today.
I pulled up to the drugstore and sighed with relief when only one other vehicle was in the parking lot, and it wasn’t anyone I recognized—but then again, it probably was. I ran in, hesitantly lifting my sunglasses onto the top of my head. Briskly moving around, I found the eye makeup remover and cotton pads, and threw them into a basket and went to the cash register. But halfway there, I walked past the pet department and a little sparkle leash caught my eye, leading me into a small collection of organic treats made in Iceland, and winter pet clothes on clearance. Minutes later I’d filled my basket with marked-down goods, and I was intensely staring at the instructions for a set of doggy ice skates when someone tapped on my shoulder.
Wincing, I peeked over my shoulder, but it was Pastor Bill and his wife Julie. I was so excited to see them I temporarily forgot about my appearance.
“Well, hello, Katie!” Pastor Bill exclaimed while Julie hugged me. “And what are you up to today?” He looked at my outfit in wonder. Julie, always kind, didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, I like what you’ve done with your eyes today.” I felt my face redden immediately.
“I’m here buying eye makeup remover! Things got out of hand this morning when I tried to put just a little on.” I gave a flat smile, showing my embarrassment.
“I know how it goes. We have teenagers!” Pastor Bill nodded and crossed his arms, pointing at my basket. “Are you stocking up for the next ice age?”
My basket was filled with dog coats, hats and even a little scarf. “Yes, I suppose I am! It’s just all on clearance. Some of it may not get much use,” I said as I held up the pair of dog coveralls, not even realizing I was still holding the ice skates, “but better to have…” They both laughed.
