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Mason shrugged, still looking at the couple as they walked away. "About what?"
Lucy sighed, her memories swirling. "When my mom died, I dove into school work. I still miss her a lot, but maybe I do need to let her go."
Her voice trailed off, and they stood in silence for a few minutes.
Finally she nodded. "I'll do it. I'll throw the shell. Now that I've graduated and moved out on my own... well, I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks. About mom. About dad. About all of it."
"What have you been thinking?" he asked softly, now taking a bottle of water out of his bag and passing it to her.
She drank and thought. "Mom was amazing. Well, when she wasn't drinking. She did her best, but I'm not a kid in school anymore. I have to grow up. That means letting her go, doesn't it?"
Mason didn't say anything, so Lucy closed her eyes and sighed. She felt the breeze off the ocean blow her messy bun. The sun beat down on her face. Then she opened her eyes and threw the shell over the edge.
"Fly safe, Mama," she whispered.
Mason went rigid and glanced around. He stepped away, but Lucy didn't take her eyes off the sea as she finished her bottle of water. Minutes later, he stepped up beside her, his hands in his pockets.
"I'm going to let someone go too," he said quietly.
Her heart ached at that rigid set to his jaw. "Your parents?" she asked.
He shook his head, not looking at her or moving. She reached into the bag at their feet and found the sunscreen, reapplying where she could reach. She turned her back to him and handed the sunscreen over.
His hands were colder than she thought, but were they shaking slightly?
"Last summer, I had a girlfriend," he said in a rush. Her spine straightened, but she didn't turn around as he finished with the sunscreen.
"The one who wanted you to take a desk job?" she asked as he handed the bottle back to her. She knelt to put it back in the bag as he continued.
"Yeah. We were about to move in together. But we'd been fighting about my job. I was on a stakeout one night after a heavy yelling match. She surprised me with dinner. She shouldn't have been anywhere near that area. But she was trying to apologize about our fight."
He stared at the ocean, as solid as a rock.
She slipped her hand into the crook of his arm and leaned her head on his bicep. The pressure on her chest increased at his pain. "What happened?"
"She was caught up in the crossfire. We were eating in the car, and she—some associates of the guys I was watching drove by, firing on us."
He took his hands out of his pockets and snapped with one hand. Then he stared at the shell in his other palm. "When you were at that drug bust in December, I was so worried you'd be caught in the crossfire too. Our grandparents would be livid and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if anything happened to you."
His voice went gravelly, then he cut himself off, closing his fist and clenching his teeth.
She put her hand on his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. "It's not your fault. You can't control what anyone else does. You had no idea I'd be there."
He took a deep, ragged breath and nodded. "My head knows that. When they opened fire, I dove on top of her, trying to protect her. I was shot in the back. But it was too late. She'd already been hit. The look on her face..."
He rubbed his eyes with the other hand and his spine straightened. He stepped away from her and threw the shell into the ocean so hard, she thought he'd tear a muscle.
His hands fisted at his sides and his face clouded with guilt.
"Oh Mason, it's ok. It's ok to live, to let her go..." To love. She left it unsaid, but perhaps he sensed it.
He turned his stormy gaze on hers, but she didn't look away. Her heart raced with possibilities.
"I'm letting her go. It's still going to take time, but I'll tell you this, Luce. I won't let anyone else get hurt."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. "Mason, you can't control life. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that our control is tenuous at best. You'll have to balance that need to protect everyone with accepting that sometimes things happen. There's nothing we can do to stop them."
Mason squeezed her tight and growled, "We'll see about that."
