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"Hmm." He kisses my temple. "To answer your question, I felt like it was my best option. Everyone in my family had their thing. Remy was a champion sport fisherman by the time he was sixteen. Max was a rich real estate guy. Tate was in law school and working on being a crusading environmental attorney. And Natalia..."
That's his older sister. I've seen her around a few times since I've been home, and I've seen her gorgeous, beach-themed necklaces and earrings all over the island. "She has her jewelry."
"Exactly. And she felt like jewelry design was her calling and wanted to help my parents run the resort. I didn't want any of that. Plus, I wanted to outdo the old man."
I frown. Mr. Hastings always seemed cool. "Your dad? Why?"
Damien shrugs. "Angus is larger than life. He was a punk rock singer turned resort owner. There's nothing he can't do. He always held us kids to a high standard, and the others exceeded it even in high school. I didn't. He's tougher than nails, and somehow I thought the Marines would make me tougher than him."
"Hmm." I'm not sure what to make of this revelation. The Hastings family always seemed so together and normal, especially compared to my own quirky situation with Mom. Hell,I never really knew my father because he died when I was three.
"It's not like Dad was physically or emotionally abusive or anything." It's almost as if he's trying to convince himself. "But I felt different from the others. I'm not as outgoing. Not as much of an extrovert. I thought the Marines could help, somehow."
"Did they?"
"Yeah. I guess they did. It's hard to explain. We all complained about being in the Corps when we were in. And now we all tell stories about our days as Marines."
"And now? What's next? I'm not sure how military contracting works. Is this a career for you?"
Damien shifts so his arm's under my head. "Dunno, Kate. It's good money. It's exciting, being a security consultant in hot spots around the world. But when I come back here, I realize that this is pretty fucking great, too. I miss the vibe. The peace and quiet. More so each time I come back. This place is special, and I didn't realize it before."
"Here to Paradise Beach or the U.S.?"
"Both, but Paradise, mostly. The last couple of times I've been back I've wondered whether there's something I can do here. Not at the resort because we're probably selling that. But somewhere else. Police department, maybe."
He strokes my back, and little tingles race up and over my skin. For a long time he says nothing, and I try to imagine him as an island cop. He sure would look amazing in a uniform, that's for sure.
Then he makes a little humming noise, and I snuggle closer, inhaling his deodorant and man scent.
"Who knows, babe? Maybe I'll come back and run the tiki bar with you. What would you think of that?"
My breath catches in my throat.
"I...I don't know." It's true. I don't know. "Everything's happening so fast. Only two months ago I was in Chicago,preparing to be a digital nomad and travel to Europe while taking on graphic design clients. And now..."
"You could still go be a digital nomad for a year. I'm not going to stop you. Hell, we might even be able to see each other more, since I get a couple of R and R weeks. Usually, the guys fly to Turkey or Rome or Madrid. We could meet up."
I gather the white duvet in one fist and scrunch it. What's he trying to say here? "I dunno. The more Lauren talks about her social media job, and the more I'm here, the more I realize her lifestyle isn't for me."
"In what way?"
I release the blanket. "She's constantly snapping photos of herself and her environment. She got like that about six months before she left, totally addicted to Instagram. Now it's her job, and it's...superficial. I kind of hate to admit it, but the slow pace here on the island is growing on me. I don't need to be anybody. Does that make sense?"
"Sure. To me it does. But I'm not the guy to talk to when it comes to social media."
"I don't even know if Lauren's all that happy. She looks happy in her photos. But she sounds tired when I talk with her. That's a long way of saying, I don't know what I'm doing with my life."
But inside, I do know. I'm helping Mom battle cancer, running a tiki bar in Florida, and getting married. A pang of awareness hits my gut, hardening my stomach. I'm on the edge of a panic attack, and I remind myself to breathe.
"You have a year to think about it, while I'm gone." He kisses my forehead then my mouth. "Would you mind if I got a bit of shuteye before dawn? I'm beat. And that second orgasm took everything that was left."
He chuckles softly, and I can't help but laugh at the sound. Damien's laugh is like a gift: rare and magical.
"I'll be up before your mom, I promise."
"Sleep, sweetie." I press my forehead into his chest, and ashis breathing grows deeper, I become more wide awake. My mind churns at the possibilities.
I'd had so many plans for my life before coming back to Paradise. Now it seems like everything's dissolving into something bigger, like raindrops into the Gulf of Mexico.
