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He cups the back of my head and pulls me into a tighter hug. “Thanks for agreeing to speak with her.”
When he pulls back, he finishes feeding me the sausage biscuit before grabbing something for himself. We spend the rest of the morning and afternoon together until it’s time for my appointment with Dr. Taylor. Matvey doesn’t disappear on me, even though he sends a few texts and I know he’s checking in on Konstantin and Osip.
“It’s okay if you need to go,” I tell him, but he just shakes his head and kisses my forehead.
“They’re not going anywhere,malishka. I want to be here with you.”
When Dr. Taylor arrives, Matvey goes down to meet her so she can access the elevator. When the doors open, I watch Matvey step out followed by a woman in a red, feminine suit that’s clearly been tailored to fit her perfectly. Her blonde hair is in a delicate bun, accentuating her long, slender neck, and her brown eyes soften when they meetmine. She smiles, revealing a dimple in her left cheek and enough smile lines to make me think she’s probably late forties or early fifties. She’s beautiful, but her cheery smile and dimple give her agirl next doorfeel that quickly calms my nerves as I return her smile.
“You must be Alina.” She holds out her hand, shaking mine while she runs her eyes over me. “Matvey said you’d feel more comfortable talking here, but if you ever change your mind and want to come to my office, just let me know.”
“I will, thanks.”
She looks over at Matvey. “Is there a room we can use that’s private?”
“Yeah, I thought one of the rooms upstairs would work.” He holds my hand and leads me towards the stairs. Dr. Taylor follows us as we pass the huge home gym, the rooms for Lev and Jolene, and then Vitaly and Katya’s until stopping outside the last door at the end of the long hall. I saw it when he gave me a tour of the place, and I smile over at him, knowing he’s picked the perfect spot. It’s not a room that anyone really uses, and it’s not one that I’ll associate with anything. It’s a blank canvas in a way, a place for me to tell my truth, to expose my innermost feelings, and then leave, shutting the door behind me.
Dr. Taylor looks at the floor-to-ceiling windows and the two leather loveseats with the midnight blue rug between them and says, “This will be perfect.”
She walks in, setting her messenger bag on the stand beside one of the loveseats and sits down, motioning for me to take the other. Before I do, I hug Matvey and whisper, “Thank you.”
He kisses me and tells me he loves me. “Take as long as you need,malishka. Come find me when you’re done.”
He shuts the door as I sit down, facing Dr. Taylor who’s still giving me a soft smile. She reaches into her bag and grabs a pad of paper and a pen.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to take some notes while we talk.” She holds up her pen and gives a soft laugh. “I prefer the old-fashioned way.I tried using my laptop, but the constant clicking of the keyboard doesn’t tend to put people at ease.”
“Yeah, I can see how that would be distracting.”
Crossing her legs, she rests the pad of paper on her thigh. I had no idea what to expect when Matvey mentioned a therapist, but Dr. Taylor is very good at what she does and before long I’m telling her my story. I leave out details that will get everyone I love and care about arrested, but I don’t hold anything back as far as the abuse goes, and Matvey’s right. It does feel good to tell someone. I can share the horrible details without worrying about it being too much for her, about it coloring how she sees me, or that it will change how she treats me. She listens, occasionally jotting down a quick note, but her attention never strays from me.
“This isn’t something that’s going to just go away,” she says when I finally stop speaking. “I know you want everything to go back to normal, but the truth is it’s never going to.”
When she sees the horrified look on my face, she raises a hand and gives me a reassuring smile. “It won’t go back to the way it was because that’s impossible, but you can create a new normal. This doesn’t have to destroy you. It doesn’t have to control the rest of your life. You can have a normal, loving relationship with Matvey, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You’ve experienced extreme trauma, Alina. You were kidnapped, held against your will, and raped on a pretty constant basis. His voice isn’t going to want to leave your head.”
I nod, wiping a tear from my cheek and then taking the tissue she offers me from her bag with a whispered thanks.
“This isn’t going to be easy, but you’ve survived him already because you’re here, free of him and surrounded by people who love you. That doesn’t mean the hard part is over, but you can survive him again. You can learn to keep him out of your head. I want to go over a few breathing exercises you can do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or for when you wake up from a nightmare.”
We sit together, practicing the deep, soothing breaths until it’s timefor her to leave. Standing, I hold my hand out to her, shaking it once more.
“Thank you, Dr. Taylor. I appreciate you coming here to speak with me.”
She gives a soft laugh. “Matvey was very insistent. He cares a great deal for you, and I’m more than happy to meet you here and talk. I’m hoping you’ll want to speak with me again.”
Her dark blonde brow rises, waiting for my response, and when I nod, she gives me another smile.
“I’m so glad to hear that. Thank you for trusting me with your story, Alina.” She tucks her notepad back in her bag and slings it over her shoulder. “Same time next week okay for you?”
“Yeah, that’ll be great. Thank you.”
She follows me out of the room, and once we’re downstairs, Matvey jumps up from where he’s been sitting and waiting on the couch. His eyes run over me, searching my face to make sure I’m okay, and as soon as he’s convinced it went well, his shoulders relax and the corner of his mouth lifts in a smile right before he winks at me. He walks over to us, cupping my face when I’m close enough and kissing my forehead.
“I’m so proud of you, baby girl,” he whispers in Russian. Switching to English, he looks over at Dr. Taylor. “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course. We had a good talk. I’ll see you next week, Alina.”
She gives us both a smile before walking to the elevator. She won’t need a keycard to take the elevator down, so Matvey stays up here with me while she leaves to go back to her office. Instead of asking me what we talked about, he picks me up and kisses my cheek.
