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“I love you,” he whispers against my lips before running his tongue along the seam, gently parting them but not delving inside. He sucks and licks and nibbles on every inch of my mouth until I open up for him, wanting and needing more.
With a groan, he slides in, running his tongue along mine as his other hand rests against my cheek, gently stroking my skin with the rough, scarred pad of his thumb. It’s a constant reminder of who I’mkissing, and it anchors me to the here and now. I’ve missed this so goddamn much. The taste of him fills my mouth, and when I open wider, he lets out another masculine groan and deepens the kiss.
Running a hand through his dark hair, I pull him even closer. The hard length of him presses against my ass, the movement throwing me into a memory that I don’t fucking want. The strong smell of sandalwood hits me like a smack to the face, replacing Matvey’s familiar scent. I try to capture the citrusy scent or the faint whiff of cedar that always lies beneath it, anything to bring me back to him, but all I can smell is fucking sandalwood. I let out a frustrated, angry groan, and Matvey immediately pulls back.
“Are you okay?” His pupils are blown, making his eyes appear blacker than usual, his lips are parted, and his breathing is heavier. He looks so goddamn beautiful, and all I want is him, and even though he’s right here in front of me, I can’t do it.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in a shaky voice. “I’m so sorry.”
“Malishka.” Resting his forehead against mine, his thumb continues to stroke my cheek. “No apologies,” he gently reminds me.
“I want him out of my head.”
“I know, baby. I wish I could take it all from you.”
“I want to be with you without memories of him creeping in. I want to be able to fall asleep watching a movie and not scare the hell out of everybody when I have a nightmare. I just want to be normal, Matvey. I want what we had.”
“We’re going to get it back, Alina. I promise. It may not be exactly how it was, but we’ll get it back, and it’ll be even stronger than before because of everything we’ve gone through.”
He cups my face so damn gently and gives me another soft kiss. “I want him out of your head, too, baby. I don’t ever want you to have to think about him again, and it kills me that I can’t take it away from you and make this better. I want all your pain and fear. I want to take it all from you and keep it for myself, because you shouldn’t ever feel anything except safe and loved.”
Closing his eyes, he sighs and rests his forehead against mine. “No matter how much I hurt him, I can’t change what he’s done to you.”
“None of this is your fault, Matvey. I know you think it is because you were late that day, but it isn’t, and I never once blamed you.”
I feel his head nod next to mine, but I know that no matter what I say, he will always blame himself for this. He holds me for several more minutes before he insists I eat some supper. After we’re done, I go to take a shower. Giving my hair a quick towel dry, I step out to an empty bedroom. Leaving the room, I follow the sounds of laughter and find Matvey and Lev playing a game of pool. The others are scattered around the room. Jolene, Vitaly, and Katya are watching the pool game while the others are lounging on the couch, trying to decide which video game to play. None of them act even the slightest bit put out about the nightmare I’d had, and it instantly makes me feel better.
“You can’t win every goddamn game,” Lev says. “Your streak has to end at some point.”
The corner of Matvey’s mouth lifts up right before he sends another ball into the corner pocket. When he looks up and sees me in the doorway, his whole face lights up in a smile before he gives me a wink and curls his finger at me, beckoning me closer. I return his smile, unable to stop it even if I wanted to. I never could resist him. No matter how hard I tried to play it cool, one look from him was all it took to have me grinning like a lovestruck idiot. The amused glint in his dark eyes lets me know that I’m hiding it now as well as I did back then. As soon as I’m close enough, he grabs my waist and pulls me in for a hug. Dragging his nose along my hair, he breathes me in with a sigh.
“You always smell so damn good.”
“Soap will do that to a person,” I tease.
I feel him smile against the shell of my ear. “No,malishka, it’s just you.” He gives my earlobe a soft suck, making goosebumps rise along my skin. “Want to help me kick their asses?”
“I’m terrible at pool,” I remind him in case he’s forgotten.
“I know, baby, but I’m not.”
He gives a soft laugh and wraps an arm around my lower back,keeping me snug against him as he lifts his head. “We’re playing teams. Maybe your wives can redeem you.”
Vitaly winks at Katya. “Well if anyone can, it’s her.”
Matvey hands me a cue stick while Lev racks the balls and gets it all set up. We play against Lev and Jolene for the first game, and it’s a testament to how good Matvey is that we still manage to win because most of my shots do absolutely nothing except push the ball a little further down the table.
After another terrible attempt during our game with Vitaly and Katya, Matvey gives a soft laugh and comes up behind me, wrapping his body around mine so he can help guide my hands. “Malishka, you play just as badly as you did when you were younger.”
“Remember when I tried to get you to teach me when I was seventeen?”
He groans and lets out a soft laugh. “Vividly, baby.”
I smile at the memory. I may have used every possible excuse I could think of to get our bodies as close as possible. He’d been a perfect gentleman, though, despite all my attempts to get him to stop.
“I remember that night,” Vitaly says, laughing. “That’s the only time I ever saw Matvey fuck up so many shots.” He turns his head to wink at his wife. “I almost beat him that night.”
“The one and only time,” Matvey reminds him.
