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“Thanks,” I say, not meeting his gaze.
“You okay to keep going?” he asks.
“Yeah, I think so.” I hold my hand gingerly for a second. It stings a little still but it’s not bad. “I guess we found out if I’m capable of cutting up biscuits or not,” I add, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Wesley gives a small smile. “I can finish them if you want.”
“No, I can manage.”As long as I keep my eyes and my mind on my work, and not on you, and that perky little ass of yours.I never said I was perfect though, so I do give it one last glance before I pick up my knife again.
CHAPTER 6
WESLEY
“Well, that was delicious, boys,” Natalie says, wiping her face off on her napkin and smiling at Cooper and me as we sit around the dinner table that evening. It’s a beautiful night so we decided to eat outside on the patio. The stars are twinkling overhead and there is a light breeze.
“Yes, you should lose at volleyball more often,” Dad adds.
“Plenty more opportunities,” Macy says, grinning.
“Yes, but I only have one hand left.” Cooper holds up his injured hand. Natalie takes it into hers gently and places a kiss on it.
“My poor baby,” she says.
My mom smiles. “You three rest,” she gestures to Cooper, Natalie, and I. “The rest of us will clean up.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say. Making dinner wasn’t bad, but I am worn out. It’s been a long day, emotionally and physically, and I’m still thinking about how awkward it will be to crawl into bed with Cooper tonight, and it’s making my stomach twist. Part of me wants to curl up next to him and let him envelop me. Ihaven’t felt that warmth and safety in a long time. But another part wants to be as far away from him as possible.
I get up and make my way to the bathroom, trying to clear my head, but also because I have to piss. I take my time, and when I get out the dishes have been cleared and everyone is gathered back on the patio. Mom and Dad are on the love seat and Derick and Macy have taken the couch, leaving Natalie with the chair, and of course, the bed swing for Cooper and I. But fuck it, I’m exhausted, so it’s looking pretty amazing right now. I go over and lie down. A second later Cooper is crawling up behind me and draping his big arm over me. I can feel his warm breath on my neck and his body pressed against mine, and I shiver.
“You cold?” he asks, rubbing my arm.
“No,” I say. I breathe in the scent of his musky body wash. His voice and lips are so close to my ear it’s giving me goosebumps and my cock is twitching again. Goddamn it. I really have to give my dick a talking to. I can’t be dealing with this all week.
Cooper keeps stroking my arm gently, his body pressed close to mine, and before I know it, I’m drifting to sleep.
It’s the sound of our mothers’ low conversation that wakes me. I don’t know how much time has passed but I let my eyes crack open enough to notice that everyone else has gone inside, save for Cooper who still has his arm snugly around me. I let my eyes fall shut again as Natalie speaks. I don’t want her or my mom to know I’m awake.
“It warms my heart to see them together again,” she says. “I was never really sure what happened, but I know it was hard on Cooper when they broke up. He just told me that it was the right thing to do, and that was all I could ever get out of him. But he just wasn’t the same after that. I know what they meant to each other, as friends and as boyfriends, and I couldn’t imagine two people more suited for each other. I mean, I knowno relationship is easy, or perfect, and I don’t believe in soul mates, but they were just good for each other, you know? Even as teenagers.”
My heart clenches in my chest and I almost can’t breathe. I swallow. What is she talking about? It was hard on Cooper? It didn’t seem hard on Cooper to me. He just told me we were done and that was it. It gutted me. I thought we were good for each other, too. I thought we were going to be together forever.
Mom speaks next, and her words have silent tears rolling down my cheeks as I listen.
“I do,” she says. “Wesley never told me what happened either, just one day, they were over. I couldn’t understand it. But he was never the same after that, either. Cooper not being in his life changed him. It was like a part of him, the best part of him, died. I don’t think he ever got over that loss, though he tried to convince us he had. Still, he never had another boyfriend. And it was clear Cooper still had his heart, even years later. I do know they made each other better. They challenged each other, encouraged each other, learned from each other, and there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other. Wesley’s always been stubborn, and he’s never been good about talking about his feelings, but he’s got a good heart. I know that he loved Cooper fiercely. I’m sure he still does. Whatever happened, I’m just glad they worked it out and saw how much they needed each other.”
Shit. The worst part is, it’s all true. Except the last part. And I don’t know that we will ever work it out. It’s like my heart is destined to be in limbo, aching for an eternity for someone who doesn’t want me no matter how desperately I want him, need him. I’ve always needed him. He was my rock, my safe place. My shelter. But he’d made it pretty clear a long time ago that he didn’t want or need me. Not as much as he wanted or needed other things, anyway. I had been an inconvenience, a waste oftime, and so Cooper had dumped me in order to pursue the things that were most important.
Thankfully, Mom and Natalie go inside after another minute or two. I sit up and wipe the tears from my cheeks. Then I slide out of Cooper’s grasp and turn to wake him.
“Hey,” I say, shoving him, not really even trying to be gentle. “Everyone’s gone inside. Let’s go to bed.”
Cooper groans, and stands slowly, before following me inside and into our room. I close the door and slide out of my jeans and into pajama pants, and Cooper does the same, but then he pulls off his shirt as well, facing away from me. That’s when I notice the tattoo on his right shoulder blade. Dozens of small black birds fanning out on either side in the shape of angels’ wings, and below, the dates, 6/30/59-5/10/2013. May tenth, 2013? That was less than two weeks after we had broken up. Did he lose someone? And I didn’t know? I swallow. “You sure have a lot of tattoos,” I blurt out.
“That a problem?” he asks, sliding another shirt on and turning to face me.
“No.” I blink. “I just didn’t know.” I still haven’t gotten a good view of the tattoo on his chest. Who knows how many more he has in places I haven’t seen. Hmm. I kind of like the thought of that.
“Probably a lot you don’t know about me,” he says, rather harshly as he flings the covers on the bed aside and climbs in.“That’s what happens when you ignore someone for nine years.” Shit, did he get a bug up his ass between here and the patio, cuz what the fuck?
