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“I have to leave kinda early tomorrow for the competition,” he says, frowning. “But we can stay up for a little bit longer. Wanna watch a movie or something?”
I nod and we decide on Iron Man, setting it up on his laptop and climbing onto his bed. I text my mom to let her know I’m staying over. We get about half way through before he starts to nod off, so I stop it and set the laptop aside. We brush our teeth. I use a spare toothbrush from the stash they have for guests, and then I strip down to my boxers before we climb into bed. And for some reason, probably because I’ve realized my feelings for him, lying in bed together, both of us in our underwear, is so much more intimate than it has ever been before, and my heart starts to speed up again.
“Coop?” Wesley says, rolling over to lay on his side, looking at me, his incredible blue eyes gazing into mine.
“Yeah?” I try to stay calm. I’m so afraid I’ll throw myself at him, but I don’t. I have more self-control than that.
“Text me while I’m gone? I’m gonna miss you.”
I smile and my heart stutters like crazy, my stomach doing flips. “Sure.” I’d be going with him to cheer him on, but my uncle is coming into town for the weekend and I only get to see him a couple of times a year. I don’t want to miss him. He’s my favorite relative and we always have fun together. I reach over and ruffle Wes’s hair because it’s the closest to touching him that I can get away with. “You’ll be great.”
Then he surprises me by taking my hand in his, and holding it between us. He doesn’t let go as he closes his eyes and falls asleep, and I can’t breathe. The feel of his hand in mine. Holy shit. It takes me forever to fall asleep that night. And when Iwake up, he’s pressed up against me, his head on my chest, and his arm draped across my torso. And yeah, I’m most definitely in love. And when he gets back, we are so doing something about it.
WESLEY - PRESENT DAY
I’m so glad the sun came out today and we were able to catch some waves. Nothing calls to me like the ocean does. After Cooper and I broke up all those years ago it was the thing that kept me sane. That and my music. I can’t even count the number of days I spent out here surfing and playing my guitar, trying to mend my shattered heart. Of course, I know now, it’s still missing pieces. And he’s holding them. Still, I try to push that aside as I spend time with my family. Although Cooper’s lingering gazes and sweet smiles don’t help. Nor do his soft touches, or his tender kisses.
Natalie was able to join us for a while on the beach, but she did have to lie down for a good portion of the afternoon. It breaks my heart to see her so worn out and tired. I’ve always remembered her with so much life and spirit when I was in her home. Even as a single mom she radiated energy and exuberance. She was positive, lively, and always wore a smile. And she loved Cooper so much, always putting him first. Even if there were days where she couldn’t be there for his football games or basketball games she would try to find a way to make it up to him, and she would ask him about them afterwards every time. She worked hard to give them a good life after her husband left, and she never complained.
She’s up again for dinner, which is amazing. My dad grills steaks, hot dogs and cheeseburgers, and we have chips, watermelon, and my mom’s homemade potato salad (whichshe’s practically famous for. Seriously, it’s won contests). There’s iced tea, lemonade and beer to drink and once again we enjoy our meal under the stars. This time, though, we move to the paved area of the back yard where there is a large black patio table and chairs and a white picket fence surrounding the property.
When the meal is over, the music starts. Dad takes Mom’s hand and asks her to dance. She smiles as he brings her into his arms. Shortly after that Derick asks Macy to dance. And now my heart rate is picking up and all the calm I’d felt after spending the day on the beach vanishes, because I know what’s next, and I am not prepared for it. I can’t let Cooper hold me so close. I’m not strong enough.
“You two should go dance,” Natalie says to Cooper and me, and I realize I have an out.
“Why don’t you two dance?” I say, giving her a smile. Cooper smiles at me, so I think he sees it as the sweet gesture I mean for it to come across as and not as the panic stricken one it actually is.
“You up for it, Mom?” he asks, turning to her.
“Okay,” she says, smiling. They dance for a short while before she bids us all goodnight. She plants a kiss on Cooper’s cheek before heading inside. And then he’s back at my side, holding out his hand.
“Dance with me,” he says, his voice rough and deep, yet soft, his brown eyes glowing in the moonlight. My heart is pounding and I’m pretty sure I’m going to shit myself, but I stand and take his hand. I can’t stop myself. I think my legs are wobbling as he pulls me closer to him and I have to remember how to breathe. He feels so fucking good, and he’s staring down at me, our bodies pressed so close I can feel every goddamn glorious inch of him, his warm breath on my face, smelling of beer and watermelon. The scent of the ocean clings to his shirt. Theroughness of his stubble brushes against my forehead as I tuck my head against his chest. It’s intoxicating, and terrifying. This feels too dangerous. I can’t risk getting hurt again, and this, the way he’s holding me, the way his cheek rests on the top of my head, and his hand presses against my back, his other hand gripping mine, it’s too real. Too perfect. Too good.
To my horror, tears sting at the corners of my eyes, and I can’t wipe them away because my hands are occupied.
“Wes,” Cooper’s voice is soft. “Relax.”
“I can’t,” I say, pulling away from him, my chest heaving. He grips my chin as the tears slide down my cheeks.
“Shit, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” I’m crying even more because the tone in his voice sounds so genuine. And I hate it. I want all of this to be real. I want his words to be real, his touch to be genuine, his kisses to be heartfelt. I want him. And I want him to want me. Goddamn it, I want us. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But it’s not real. And my heart physically hurts. “Wes?” he says, when I don’t respond, and he reaches up to wipe away my tears. Fuck, why does it feel so real? “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.”
I shake my head. “Nothing. I’m fine. I...I think I’m just tired. I’m going to go to bed.”
Cooper frowns. “Okay.” He places a kiss on my forehead. “Goodnight.”
I make my way inside and change into my pajamas before crawling into bed and tucking my hands under my pillow. More tears come. My stomach tightens, and my shoulders shake as I sob.
I find myself pulling out my phone and texting Riley.
Me: You were right. I should have just told my mom the truth. It isn’t worth this.
Riley: Oh, honey, what’s wrong?
Me: Pretending to date Cooper was the worst fucking idea on the planet. Why did you let me do this?
Riley: I’m sorry sweetie. Honestly I thought it might work. Is he driving you crazy? Please tell me he’s still alive.
Me: Ugh, yes, he’s still alive, but I’m miserable.
