AllFreeNovel
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Huan sticks behind us, assured I won’t splatter onto cars because I’m protected by the hive mind of others navigating traffic. As we wind down busy streets, I try to assess which uni students are extroverts versus introverts. The man with a nose piercing is content with selfies, while the top-knot woman in oversized glasses and shaggy trousers elaborates on the Camden bar crawl with another student who has got the tiniest backpack slung over their shoulders.
As we approach the Swiss Re Building (announced loudly by our tour-guide), I close in.
Don’t wait for someone to talk to you. Be the one to stand out.
My palms dampen.
Say hi. Start the conversation. Ask about getting a coffee or drink later.
I shift my weight between my feet.
They’re also looking to meet people. We’re in the same boat.
Our bearded tour-guide leaps onto a ledge. “Nicknamed the Gherkin, this is London’s first ecological tall building. It uses half the energy consumed by air-conditioned office towers. Isn’t it a sparkly marvel?”
“It’s something alright,” a man says slyly to his wife.
Some of the group snickers.
I look over to the top-knotted leader of the uni students.
“Looks like a big silver cock,” are the first words out of my mouth. A sentence funnier in your head or whispered amongst best friends, but for strangers you’re striking a conversation with…
Eyebrows rise to new heights.
“Um, because of the obvious phallic reference—” This is a fast sinking ship only laughter can save, so I double down hard. “Plus, the rounded head looks like a—a cock topper? It’s what my friends inappropriately call the—you know?—”
No one laughs. I’ve effectively metamorphosed into the walking tour sex pest.
Uni students shuffle away, but not before shooting pressed smiles in my direction.
“Some do refer to it as the Erotic Gherkin,” the guide supplies before clearing his throat and jumping off his ledge. He waves us to follow him, attempting to bat away the shroud of awkwardness I’ve brought down upon the group. The lesbian couple also gives me pressed smiles, and the Italian family doesn’t even look my way.
I root in place, wondering if there is any larger mortification than this. Steam must waft off my face. It feels so hot.
As I sink into the truth of my rapidly de-escalating popularity, Huan steps beside me.
He may not be reporting to my mother, allegedly, but now I’m the cock topper girl. These are incidents you accidentally remember later on—a year from now, or ten—and they still make you wither away.
As I look up at the Erotic Gherkin to avoid eye contact, he does the same.
Nobody speaks until he finally does in the most neutral tone possible.
“I would have laughed.”
“Don’t supply me with your fake pity.”
“It’s not fake. Anything is a dildo, if you’re brave enough.”
“You did not just say that. How inappropriate."
“Cock-topper, was it?”
"Shut-up. Maybe you should have said your contribution louder when it mattered. You know, when other people on the tour were around to hear you.”
“Except, I’m supposed to be invisible. Isn’t that what you want?”
“Yes.” I sigh, not in a light-hearted way, but in a more defeated, heavy way. “This trip isn’t going as I thought it would.”
