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Judd whispers “naughty” into my ear.
It… worked?
Aki taps her glass with a spoon and brings our group to attention. Her first question lands, picked to break the ice with a sledgehammer.
“When was the last time you masturbated?”
Talia snorts and walks away.
Eric answers and causes me great concern by declaring his answer to be “twenty-minutes ago.” As I contemplate the beers he’s been serving us, Judd wiggles his brows and nudges me, clearly eager to hear my answer. Aki and George wait. Huan has said nothing from his corner.
My brain flips through answers, trying to balance being sex positive, but to also not concern anyone that I’ve rubbed it off so recently that there may be cum-atoms floating around me. I could tell the truth, but it’s been longer than usual because I’d been busy planning this trip and after landing in London, I haven’t had the space to take care of myself like that.
I settle on, “Frankly, it feels like it’s been too long already.”
My answer rouses the group. Satisfied we are comfortable around each other now, George asks next, “What expectations have you set on someone that has been hurting you the most?”
Before anyone answers a question designed not to turn strangers into friends but to dangerously de-lid everyone’s Pandora’s box of personal trauma, Judd grabs our beer bottles with one hand and my fingers with his other. His eyes are gleaming. “I’ve got a quieter spot,” he mouths into my ear. “Interested?”
He is on the very edge of his toes.Eureka, I think faintly as we apologize and leave our new friends. My masturbation answer got him going. He wants me so much he can’t wait.
There is a loud thud of a beer bottle slamming down on the bar counter somewhere.
Walking away, I won’t look over my shoulder…
I do, at the last second, when I'm by the door.
Shoulders cut a mark so wide my eyes find him easily. He stares into his unopened beer—because Huan is completely professional when he is working—and his face in profile looks normal and handsome as always, but his jaw is different. I don't know how I can tell, only that I can. It's as if he's punishing his molars. His hand also comes up and grips the neck of the beer bottle as if it’s the source of his punishment and needs strangling. His mouth is thinning. Why does he hate alcohol so much, is what I would wonder if I was being deliberately obtuse. No, I know he’s hating his life babysitting me right now.
He turns his face, and our eyes meet.
My breath hitches.
Loathe, not hate. He loathes his assignment with me.
Without mercy, he does not take his eyes off of mine. It's me who has to rip my gaze away.
Still, I feel it, like a heavy weight on my back.
I’m being watched.
“Come on,” Judd says. “Let’s get out of here.”
I nod, almost not believing I’m allowed to go without supervision.
Huan agreed not to hover or interrupt unless I’m in physical danger, and he is keeping his word. He’s letting me have my sordid night. I should be victorious and relieved that everything is happening on my terms. And yet, I don’t know. What is this strange disappointment at his lack of a reaction? It's not that I want him to stop me. It's that I was gathering myself for a tussle, where we raged at each other for a bit before I stormed off. I'm missing that dangerously alive feeling that sprouts inside me whenever I'm bickering with him.
No time to think, though. Judd grins as we fly through hostel corridors like we are teenagers running from the cops, not hostel crashers hiding from the bored teenager in a Hawaiian shirt manning the front desk. Our only place of refuge is right there,on the left. A two-in-one bathroom plus shower space that has the most precious commodity of all. A lockable door.
One of us is giggling. Maybe me.
Judd offers me the toilet seat, but I shake my head. He takes it and spreads out his long legs. We clink beers and drink, while looking at each other.
“Komal, you’re absolutely stunning, you know?”
That’s a big endorsement. One made without him knowing my real identity.
He wants me for sex—not for money, power or Pollywood!
