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“Dad, I’m not actually doing anything to you, don’t forget,” Stella yells back, red in the face and just as angry. “This ismylife. I do appreciate what you have done, but that doesn’t mean you get to control me now. That doesn’t mean you get to have an opinion on my life. Iknowthis isn’t what you want for me. This isn’t necessarily what I had planned for myself either.”
“Of course, you wouldn’t plan for yourself to getpregnantlike this, would you? No one plans for that.”
Pregnant?What the hell? It takes me a few moments for this word to sink in. It isn’t falling in through my ears as it should do because this isn’t what I’m expecting at all. I thought it would be something to do with me and her, not a baby.
Wait, a baby?What the hell? How is there a baby in the middle of all of this?Does that mean…? Wait, what does that mean?
I part my lips, about to ask, but the yelling starts up again. There’s a buzzing between my ears now. I can’t really pick out any of the words because I’m stuck inside my own brain trying to put the jigsaw pieces together.A baby… a baby…?
“Who the hell is the father of this child?” Bill screams. “Why won’t you tell me that much? Why does thisman… or boy, I suppose I should say, since it’s clearly someone who is out of the picture now, get to be out the picture? Hmm? How are you going to pay to raise this kid without a father paying his way? You don’t thinkwewill do it, do you? Your mother and?—”
“Dad, Ijustfound out that I’m having a baby. I don’t have everything worked out just yet. I don’t expect anything.”
“Father.” All of a sudden, I hear myself whispering. Or not quite whispering since all eyes snap around to stare at me. Bill looks stunned to the core to see that I’m here, whereas Stella loses all the color in her face. “Father of thebaby.”
“What the fuck is happening?” Bill throws his hands in the air in frustration. “Why the hell are you here now? In case you haven’t worked it out already, the internship is over because she’s decided to have a baby with some random guy.”
There isn’t a random guy. There can’t be a random guy because she has been spending all of her time with me. There really can be only one man. Much as this is a serious shock, there’s a part of me which is completely over the moon. I have wanted a child forever, ever since I was married before, but it hasn’t happened for me. The idea of it happening right now is overwhelming.
Actually, the idea of it happening with Stella is wonderful as well. At least it would be if I didn’t have the fierce eyes of Bill staring at me. He has hatred in his eyes that burns through me and he doesn’t even know what’s going on yet. Oh, God…
“Stella, is this for real?” I ask her curiously as I take a little step closer to her. “Are you really pregnant? Having a baby?”
She bites down on her bottom lip and nods slowly. Her movements might be unsure, but this makes my whole body light up with joy regardless. This is a dream that I have tried to push to one side, but one I have always wanted as well, my entire life.
“Why doyoucare?” Bill jumps in. “Aside from her not working for you anymore. I suppose you’re pissed off because you put so much effort into her, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be out here seeing what is going on.”
I’m not even looking at Bill. My eyes are only on Stella as I drink in this incredible, amazing news. The more that I think about having a baby with this woman whom I have been falling for ever since I met her, the more excited I become. My God, Stella will be the best mother ever. She will be wonderful. We will work together as parents in the best way possible, I just know it. The connection that we have, the way that we get along, it will just be incredible. I honestly wouldn’t want to go through this journey with anyone else in the world. I stretch out and hold her hands in mine, smiling to myself with joy.
“Oh, my fucking God,” Bill declares, reminding us that he’s here. It’s too late for me to snatch my hands away now. I’ve held on to Stella for too long, so it’s out in the open now. It’s too late to shy away. “Youare the father, Finn. I can’t believe I didn’t see this before. Like, I should have seen it, shouldn’t I? But then why would I? Why the fuck would I? Finn, you’re her boss, my friend, so much older than Stella. I never would have thought that you would betray me like this. Ever. You’re supposed to be my friend.”
I should say something, Ineedto say something, but I don’t know what I can say right now to make this any better. I turnaway from Stella, though, because I need to try. I have to give it a go. There must be some words in there…
But much to my surprise, Bill swings his fist back, and before I can do anything, before I can move, he slams it into my face.
18
STELLA
“Dad! Oh, my God.” I can’t believe he just hit Finn. I haven’t ever seen my father be violent to anyone before, certainly not someone he has considered a friend, but he’s just punched Finn so hard that he hit the floor. “Why did you do that?”
I rush to Finn’s side and kneel down beside him, stroking his hair and trying to see if he’s okay. Right now, Finn has his eyes closed, but I can see that he isn’t knocked out because he’s wincing with pain. He’s really been hurt by my dad.
“Because he’s violated you,” Dad screams, sounding a little hysterical right now. “Because he has taken away your innocence. He’s clearly a playboy. I already suspected that about him, but I never thought that he would take advantage of you. I never would have allowed you to go and work for him if I thought that he would end up wrecking your life.”
“He hasn’t wrecked my life,” I declare with tears in my eyes. I always knew that this would come crashing down in flames, but I can’t believe it’s happening right now in the worst possible way. Why couldn’t everyone just leave me alone for a little while to getmy own head around this before they had to storm in and cause even more stress for me? “He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“He’s groomed you. Being so much older than you, he never should have gone near you. Certainly not as your boss.”
In a way, I understand what my dad is saying. I do get where he’s coming from, but it isn’t like that. He’s seeing it all from the wrong point of view, treating it like it’s something dirty and seedy, something to be looked down on, but it isn’t.
“Dad, don’t be that way.” I shake my head hard. “Don’t act like it’s something horrible because there are real feelings.”
“Real feelings,” he scoffs. “Don’t give me that shit. There are no real feelings. You can’t have real feelings.”
“Why not?” I snap back, starting to get a little annoyed now. “Why the hell not? I can have real feelings for him if I want. It’s nothing to do with you. You can’t judge me for having feelings for Finn just because you don’t like it.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” Dad growls. “You sound like a fucking kid, which is exactly what you are right now.”
