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“No one’s around,” he said quietly, and something about his tone made her feel ashamed. As if she was a burden on him, when she’d never asked for any of this.
This whole situation was so ridiculous, but she was the one with the power to change it. At least for one blessed day.
And night.
“Why are you holding my hand?” Her voice was equally quiet as they walked up the street. Strolling now. Like any other couple, except they weren’t.
“Because I haven’t had the chance in ten days and it feels wrong.” He came to a stop and turned her toward him, lifting a hand to her probably thoroughly fucked-up hair. He swept aside a few loose curls, his gaze searching her face. “I don’t know what happened the night of the concert. Why you shut me out when we’d been so close. But I don’t care.”
She didn’t know if that made her feel better or worse. He clearly still wanted to have sex with her, so he must just see her as a booty call. In spite of everything she thought she’d glimpsed in his eyes in those unforgettable two weeks, all that she’d felt in his touch, he must be in it just for the orgasms. He obviously liked the sex enough to deal with the crazy that was her life.
“You don’t care,” she repeated, hoping his admission would stomp out her feelings for him once and for all.
“No. Because if the choice is not having you at all or just having you for tonight—well, I choose tonight.” He cupped her cheeks then let his hands drop and shoved them into his pockets. “It’s Christmas. Just one night. Doesn’t have to be anything more than that.”
She found herself nodding before her usual sense kicked in. She didn’t want to be sensible right now. Where had being responsible and practical ever gotten her?
Alone on major holidays, unless she traveled back east to be with her parents, that’s where.
But Nick was here. Right in front of her, his golden gaze colliding with hers, his guitarist’s hands flexing so hard in his pockets that she could see the denim bunching around his knuckles. He stretched out his fingers a lot, because he couldn’t bear to be still.
She was taking forever to answer him. A nod wasn’t enough. She needed words.
“One night is all I can give.” She swallowed hard. “Even that’s too much.”
He might be playing a game with her, and in the current state of flux her life was in, she couldn’t deal. Those pictures…
They don’t matter. It’s only one night. One Christmas.With him, with the band.
For once, you won’t be alone.
“I understand.” His jaw worked and his stupidly thick dark lashes came down to block his eyes before the veil lifted. “Fuck, I’ll pretend to understand. All I know is when we came back from New York, you were mine.” When she glanced away, he let out a string of low curses.Fuckwas one of his favorite words, in all its variations. “Okay, not mine, not for real. I know the score. But Christ, Li, we were something. Weren’t we?”
Even when he said he wouldn’t push, wouldn’t press, that he understood why she couldn’t give anything else, he always asked questions. Always nudged her for more. And she’d cracked like a fortune cookie, spilling right into his hands. Again and again.
Here she was, doing it once more. But it would be on her terms now.
“One night,” she said softly. “When the dawn comes, I’m going. You won’t stop me.”
He tipped back his head and nodded, saying nothing. He’d meet her terms even if he didn’t like them. They both knew what he’d get out of this scenario—her body, in any way he wanted to take it.
In return, she’d take him right back.
They started walking again. Once they reached her car, she popped the trunk and started to withdraw the large bag of gifts. She’d gone a bit overboard, especially for the babies. When surrounded by aisles and aisles of soft and cuddly items at the store, she’d given in to the urge to spoil Lexi and Dylan. Who could resist?
Not her. She’d probably be forever in the “sort of aunt” role to friends’ children, since she didn’t have any actual siblings. She also didn’t have kids of her own. Probably never would either. Best to relish her new role as an almost aunt to the band’s babies.
“What do you have in here? Rocks?” Nick snatched the big bag from her hands, then went back to pick up one of the smaller ones too. Lots of smaller gift bags were nestled inside. But she grabbed Nick’s gift before he could, holding the large, foil-wrapped box to her chest. “Ah, a secret one,” he said with a knowing smile.
“Not secret. Just figure you’re the type to shake boxes.”
“Me? No way.” He hoisted her parcels and shut the trunk, then lifted an eyebrow at how she was cradling the box. “Though I gotta say, your protectiveness over it is making me wonder. Who’s that for?”
“It’s for you, of course.”
“Oh.” His smile grew, then wavered, almost disappearing. “I figured after the last week or so, you wouldn’t be buying me much.”
After. Such a painful, lonely word. “One thing I had before. The other is new.”
