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He crossed to her and drew her into his arms, gratified when she went without protest. She fit against him as if they had matching grooves, meant to lock together. “You’re the band’s rep for Ripper, not God. You couldn’t have done any more than you did. None of us knew—”
“I should’ve put more of the pieces together. It wasn’t just Randy.” She pressed her face into his neck and inhaled. “Ricki got hurt. It could’ve been worse, so much worse.”
He didn’t need her to remind him. He’d never stop having nightmares about that very thing.
“Could’ve. It wasn’t. That big lug she’s marrying was there, and he’ll always be there for her. If I didn’t believe that, I’d kick his ass for daring to touch her.” When Li tipped back her head to smile weakly, he narrowed his eyes. “I could kick his ass. No one thinks I can because he’s like a Mack truck and an Amtrak train had a baby, but I’m scrappier than I look.”
“Of course, you are, honey.”
Her belief in his fighting skills was obviously lukewarm at best. At least when it came to hand-to-hand combat with giants.
“Guess my belated New Year’s resolution is gonna be to hit the gym more with Kagan.”
“More? When have you ever gone to the gym with Simon?”
“I’ve gone,” he said defensively, glancing away from her arched brow. “Okay, so it’s been a while, and the gym was at his place. I walked by it a few times. That counts.”
Her lips twitched as she patted his stomach. “Don’t worry. Your dad bod still works for me.”
Nick made a noise in his throat. His belly was still flat, he’d checked. Good enough. “Dad bod, my ass. Since Simon’s in muscle man mode right now for the tour, might as well.” Add in Donovan’s eighteen-pack, and yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to do a little maintenance. “Once we get back, I’ll be on that shit.”
She stiffened in his embrace and he cupped her cheek. “What is it?”
Her answer was slow in coming. “It wasn’t just about what happened to Randy and Ricki,” she murmured.
“The others could’ve been hurt too.”
“God, you’re just a colossal idiot, you know that?” She punctuated the question with a soft jab to his chest. She would’ve spun away and out of his arms, but he wasn’t allowing that any more tonight.
“Duh, yeah, noted. But why now?”
“You could have died.” She jabbed him again when he wouldn’t let her go, and this time, his fingers dug into the soft flesh of her neck. “Don’t you realize that?”
He started to throw back a glib response. It was his way, especially when they were sort of fighting. But the sheen in her eyes stopped him cold.
“No.”
“Yes.” She fisted her hands in his shirt. “Just because you think you’re too tough and strong for anything to harm you, he had a gun. A fucking gun he wouldn’t have hesitated to use on you, and you would have hesitated to defend yourself. Youdid. I saw it through the monitor.” Her lips parted on a tormented breath. “He wanted to kill you, and you still couldn’t bring yourself to do the same.”
“You’re wrong. If it had been a choice of him or me, he would’ve been out the door in a bag that zipped. As it was, he was anyway, because my sister is a goddamn steady shot.”
“She could do it. You couldn’t have. You loved him too much to—”
“I loved him once. A long time ago. But you honestly think if it had come down to him or me, to me living for you and the girls, he would’ve had a chance?” He softened his grip on her and framed her beautiful face in his hands. The tears that quivered on her lashes, a heartbeat away from dropping, shredded him into pieces. “You and our girls and my sister are my everything. I won’t leave you. Ever. Especially not because of that lowlife piece of garbage that tried to ruin everyone we love.”
She covered his hands with her own, lacing their fingers together. “I…” She faltered and he steadied his hold on her, waiting her out. She so rarely stumbled, even for a second. “I’m afraid now, in a way I wasn’t before. I never knew true fear until Randy and Ricki, and having to watch you fight for your life on a monitor when I couldn’t do a thing to help you.” Her eyes overflowed. “I would’ve died too.”
Even as his heart lurched, he drew her in, pulling her head to his chest. He’d never guessed any of this was living inside her. After that night, she’d gone back to the role she seemed to play so effortlessly. Strong and cool and resolute. He’d never seen her scared about anything. Not for long.
Definitely not over him.
“I didn’t die. I’m right here standing beside you.” He took her hand and brought it to his chest, pressing hard. “That’s my heart beating with yours, the way it will always be. But I’ll tell you this anyway. If something had gone wrong,” he didn’t stop at her soft sob, “you wouldn’t have died. Because you have two little girls who need their brave, strong mother. You underestimate yourself, but I don’t. Idon’t,” he repeated as she lifted her head to meet his gaze, her eyes still streaming. And now his were wet too to match. “I did for a second tonight, when I walked in and saw Abs of Steel half naked. Not entirely my fault though. I thought his suits were permanently attached to his body.”
Her laughter was the sweetest balm, sweeter than any riff he’d pulled out of his head or heart. “He’s also gone shirtless at the Ripper volleyball tournaments we used to have in the early days. I didn’t swoon then either.” She gave a delicate shrug. “Turns out I like hotheads more than control freaks.”
“Donovan plays volleyball?” He pushed that aside to process at another time. Instead he rubbed his thumb roughly over her lower lip. “Like, huh?”
She smiled slightly under his thumb. “Tell a guy you would die without him and he still has to play word games.”
