Page 113 of Stand and Defend


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None taken.I haven’t discussed it before because I don’t want it to interfere with my captain duties. Besides, I talk to Jordan.Just not about my feelings for her.They look at me, seeing right through my bullshit. I groan and take another sip. “This is the dumbest episode ofInterventionI’ve ever seen.”

“Does she know you’re into her?” Rhys asks.

“I’ve only been into her a handful of times.”

Rhys scrubs his hand down his face.

“I dunno! Yeah, I’ve hinted at it. We fuck?”

“You fuck everybody,” Lonan says.

“According to Freya, Jordan thinks the only reason you invited her to Thanksgiving was because of her ex.” They already knew she went home with me for the holiday. That would explain this ridiculous bromance ambush. “So you may want to tell her that it meant more.”

“She’s not interested. When I invited her to Thanksgiving, she shut it down right away. I had to convince her to even go with me. When we were there, I brought up being more, but the feelings weren’t mutual.”

Rhys cringes. “Sorry, man.”

“Did she say anything?”

I take a deep breath. “She basically said she neededsomebody who she knew wouldn’t be a hoe away from home, which really fucking sucks because she trusts me with other shit. But apparently thinks I’ll be unfaithful like her ex. She acts like being with someone is giving up autonomy. Her relationship with Bryan was so dysfunctional. I think she’s worried she’ll be a doormat, but I’d never let that happen.”

“Then show her. Make it black and white and see what happens. At least you won’t get stuck wondering and you can move on. The unknown of it all is taking up too much space in your sex-addled brain,” Barrett says.

It is. Maybe it’s time I tell her it’s exclusive or nothing. Not only because I’m possessive, but because I want to see what real dating is like. We’re basically there anyway, but I’ve changed my mind about labeling it. Not knowing is driving me up the wall.

“Do you love her?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” they all say in unison.

I’m not answering that for two reasons. One, I don’t know the answer. And two, the fact I don’t know scares the shit out of me. I take a sip of my beer and change the subject. “You aren’t supposed to have open bottles in here.”

Barrett narrows his eyes at me. “You were cooler before you became captain.”

The other two assholes nod.

I suppose I could tell her I want to be exclusive fuck buddies. She might agree to that more easily than asking her to be my girlfriend.

“Jordan’s something else, man. Such a cool girl, but always stuck in my head.”

“Welcome to the club, brother.” I tap the neck of my beer against his.

“Your club sucks,” I say, taking a drink.

“It gets better.”

My lip curls. “You sound like a fucking anti-bullying campaign.”

“God, you’re a dick.” Lonan shakes his head.

“It’s just because I can’t have her.”

Barrett smiles into his beer and takes a swig. “Dude, you’re so full of shit. You know you’ve caught feelings for a girl and it’s freaking you the fuck out because it’s never happened before. I bet you can count on one hand the number of times you’ve fucked the same girl more than once.”

“She’s fucked her way into your heart,” Rhys adds. He tips his beer. “That’s how they do it.”

The door to the workout room opens and a woman walks in. We all look up. She pauses, sees our little Girl Scout circle time, and slowly backs out.

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